Something That Needed To Be Said

When i was around 11 my mom told me she was going to get married. I was never ok with it because the man she was going to marry was to my eyes someone very weird. I always felt something was wrong about him, the way he would look at me...I told her that i didnt want her to marry him, but i understood at the same time that she probably loved him and he would help me and my 2 younger brothers financially. I dont know what age exactly i was when it all started but, im pretty sure it was in 9th grade. From middle school to high school he would get closer and closer so i wouldnt notice i guess. Like when my mom worked late, he would lay next to me on the floor and watch tv but while touching my hair; he would hold my hand at times; when he needed to tell me something he would want me to be next to him very closely while he stoked my back. After a while i became afraid to be in my own home. I would stay in my room and leave when neccesary. One day I was in the kitchen and I was surprised to find him behind me, he started a conversation, and i cant remember much after because all i remember is that next he had stolen my first kiss, i tried topull away but he did it again and tried to french kiss me too, but i clenched my teeth as hard as i could. He said how much he wanted me and left. I lost it, i ran to the basment kneeled on the floor, holded my mouth and screamed as hard as i could. My heart hurted so much, i thought i would die; after that day everything escalated. Every once in a while it would get worse, he even called me to his room one day i was babysitting, locked the door and dry humped on me....all i could remember was starring at he wall and trying to keep my face as composed as possible when i heared my younger brother knocking on the door asking when i was gonna come out and play. The only way of copping for my was cutting myself; i hate pain, thats why i did it to forget about everything else. The worst thing he did which still haunts me, one day i was studying late and he told me to go with him downstairs, everyone was asleep. He took me to the kitchen and forcibly took of all my clothes, even though i said no and tugged my clothes to stay on, it was hopeless. He molested me for what felt like hours, what pissed me off the most is that he made me touch him and that he dared to *** on my private are. He dressed me and told me " go on ahead and clean up ". I dont even know how i can explain how i felt that night. i wanted to die so badly. I told my friend one day and we both cried like a bunch of idiots, shes the best though ^_^. I decided to leave home when i graduated to study at a college 4 hours away from home, my friend is also my roomate. I feel better and i stopped cutting myself, but when im home, even though he doesnt touch me anymore, im still used to cringing away when he is walking past me. I still only leave my room when i know he is sleeping or not alone downstairs. I have a habbit of taking my brothers with me to get even just a cup of water, just so im not alone. Pretty pathetic i know, but the fear is something that will stick with me for a long time. I guess i never told my mom because i was afraid of us not being financially stable without him and having to move somewhere else; i would feel guilty if my little brothers had to suffer for it. But i am better know, i dont feel depressed about it anymore unless my mind reminds me while i sleep. I have my best friend and my mother and brothers; iam a happy 22 year old girl.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

Thats awful :( im glad you're okay