When I Think About It I Panic All Over Again.

My mother's 6th husband molested me when I was 15 and 16. I started mutilating my skin about then too, but i didn't connect the two experiences until I was older. I just knew it was the only way to get the pain on the inside to move to the outside for a while. I never said anything until a few years ago. My mother didn't believe me. Her kids with him still visit his house every other weekend and it makes me sick to think about it. My husband is the most supportive person in my life, but when I told him about this, he just said "you're not the only one" and left it at that.


I don't know what to do. I can't even start to think about what happened or what might happen to those kids without panicing. I can't talk about it. I can only write now because i'm on medication to make me not think.


I don't want to remember it any more. No one seems to care anyway. I just want it to all go away. :(

melancholicwarrior melancholicwarrior
4 Responses Mar 27, 2009

Yes, I know I can not go to the police. My own mother doesn't believe me, why would the police? It would be my word against his. I have no evidence against him unless he still has his old computer with the photos on it...

For the protection of other children, you need to go to the police and report this man. He WILL be molesting others, and needs to be stopped and sent to jail. Be aware you will need to have firm evidence including dates and places, and be able to identify intimate parts of his body that are unusual. You will need to go to court and be cross-examined by lawyers. This isn't easy to do- but it has to be part of your healing process that you see that he is punished for his aberrant and much-hated behaviour. Make no mistake - child molestation is a VERY serious offence, and has to be stopped, not hidden. Do it NOW.

Maybe talking to a therapist might be a good thing. I don't know if you considered it, but it could help you to better handle it and kind of let pieces of it go. A professional could help you see what happened in ways you haven't considered before. Sometimes when we shelve our past it just kind of gets in the way of the good things in life.<br />
I wish you well...

I want to think that, but what if he's doing it to my brother and sister now? My sister is 13 and she's starting to develop. I am terrified of her going through the same thing...