Emotional Pain

I was a young girl, about three years old. My boy cousin and I were very close and the one night I went to sleepover by him. We were watching t.v and my uncle called me to lie next to him. I didn't think anything of it because I was so young. I lay next to my uncle underneath the blanket and he touched me by my private part and he also fingered me. He told me if I tell anyone he will kill me. After that I became withdrawled and scared. My childhood was taken away from me from an evil man that was supposed to be my family. after that day he also called me into the lounge, where he was sitting with a group of friends. I was scared of him so I did everything he told me to do. I walked into the room, he pulled down my pants and panties and pointed and laughed at my private part in front of all his friends. They all laughed at me and I didn't know what to do because I was about four years old. He also nearly raped me but because of my screaming, hitting and kicking he didn't rape me because he was scared that someone will come into the room. I also had to stay at his and my aunts house after school , everyday I locked myself into my Gran's room my gran lived with them. Every afternoon I would cower in the corner of the room I should of spent those times playing outside being a kid but no I was cowering in fear. One day I fell asleep whilst cowering in the corner and I forgot to lock the door, my uncle walked in with a sharp knife in his hand. He walked right up to me and pointed the knife to my face. He said "If you tell anyone, I'm going to kill you." and I nodded my head because I was so scared and I felt so lost because no one can help me. He laughed and then walked out. My family gathered that I was being molested but they did nothing because they were in denial. I had to deal with that pain, fear and most of all embarresment all alone. I was to scared to even go to the toilet so I had to sneak outside and do my business outside. I felt so embarresed and degraded because I was doing my toilet business outside most afternoons because of my uncle, the sick evil man. My parents got divorced when I was seven years old so I had to deal with the pain of that as well. Growing up was difficult for me because I was so shy and I withdrawed myself from socializing and going out. I also fell into depression and I still struggle with depression. I started reading a lot which helped, I read because it helped me escape, I could hide behind the covers, just be myself and I can shut people out. I told my mom and step dad when I was eighteen years old, it was the hardest thing my mom and my step dad were devasted. The whole night we just kept on crying. I'm still hurting and dealing with depression its a long road ahead but I've got God. I lost my innocence, my childhood, my dignity and I was horribly exposed but with God I will forgive and move on. I'm also writing books now which helps me a lot and one day I hope that my books will be published and that I will be a well known authoress.
paxypoo paxypoo
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 10, 2012

....speechless.... :(