Molested Molested Molested / Not Broken

I was trying to rid myself, of my past. I am now 44 years old and have accomplished many positive things. My chilhood years were anything but easy! As early of age 6 to 17 , I was molested by many different people most of wich were men. In the process of getting past my demons I saw a show on Oprah, 200 MEN MOLESTED.. This was my story to them. It felt so great to release all the past that I had clinged to, for so long. I still have issues that I can't quite figure out, but I have many friends and a terrific family. For those who have been in my shoes. Never forget that this is pain, and we know it's not right what is being done to us . It's not fair and being lonely can be part of the course.
Take control and never hurt others as you have been . It's not fair to pass it on. I have been there and I know it is possible to STOP the cycle........
This is my story...............
200 men molested- I too, have been down this ugly life consuming road. Constant regret as I get another year older. I have become a good person, and have not passed the torch to other children to bare the life that I had to endure for much of my life. I still feel incomplete in so many ways, I wish I felt more attractive. I am sure this is due to fallout from my past. I was repeatedly molested my entire life as early as 6yrs. till I was 16/17yrs.
Dammit I missed my entire life as a child. It burns me up right now, just thinking all those years that went by.
I missed out on so many happy times. Instead I just closed my bedroom door or hid as I still do, on occasion.
God I wish I could have a do-over. I beilieve those people did'nt mean to hurt me , I think they thought I liked it.
I wonder sometimes if they ever think of me and wonder how I am, and just how I turned out. They, like myself might be suprised. As i said before, I am a good person. I also lack the feeling of what love is, I cannot figure it out. I pretend to know to my friends and family. I was molested by babysitters, friends, aquaintances,a stranger who just wanted me to have a T-shirt, and locked me in his house and well.... I think the hardest one for me to admit to even this day was a male family member. You know, the world changed alot since I was going through my darkest days. And thank god for that! Just thought I would share and shed some of my dirty skin. I don't know if I feel much better after writing this too you, actually it saddens me. For all those men and children who have endured the unquestionable, just remember you too can still become a good person, do not pass the torch to someone else! Stop the cycle!
gairpostal gairpostal
41-45, M
1 Response Jan 9, 2012

I am glad that you're not doing it to others. There are too many willing adults who will do anything to ever force yourself on a child or someone who doesn't consent.