Mentally Scarred For Life

It begain when i was 7 years old, It was my two uncles that began it i did not know if what they were doing was wrong so i kept quiet. It went like that for 4 years. After being molested by them a neighbor molested me. i ran and never told it was my fault i felt i never told anyone, Yet i kept quiet one day my mom found out all she said keep this up and ill take you to a mental facility i quit for awhile but the depression was still their, The day i ran away with my bf i was happy after 7 years things were looking up i was smiling and i quit cutting. then it was when two of his friends tried to molest me what was worse he did not beilive me it was my fault he said hit me and called me a ****. the depression had begun again. i was 16 when my brother-in-law molested me again i said nothing until my sister found out i felt guilty that i never said nothing she said great now my daughter will grow up without a father, i tried to kill myself that day, my older sister saved my life that day. I would still cut myself the depression was getting tougher. now at the age of 20 i have a son the reason for im alive now. and a boyfriend who beats me mentally everyday and im trying to fight depression everyday hoping one day i will be happy yet i will always remember the people who have molested me. i am scarred mentally for life
ConfusedGirl101xxx ConfusedGirl101xxx
18-21, F
5 Responses May 5, 2012

I'm genuily sorry for what happenend to you. I don't really know what to tell you, since I'm looking for support on this same issue myself. I know the standard "they're bastards" or "you didn't bring this on yourself, it's your parents fault". But having heard the same things myself, I don't find them helpful. I also used to cut myself. I still want out, I don't like this world. You have found a reason to live in your son, to retain your sanity, and I'm very glad for you. I wish you can look in the mirror one day and know in your heart that it wasn't your fault, none of it. I also attracted the attention of multiple molesters and now reading your story, I can't help but wonder if this type of "people" actually detect vulnerability, weak families or what, but I don't understand how many different people can do the same in such different types and situations. All I know is that we are not guilty for what they did. I never wanted them to, and I'm sure that even if there was confusion, curiosity or whatever on your part, it wasn't a wish for any of this to happen. Just focus on your son, on loving him and forgiving yourself. One day you will be strong enough to break ties with that man that doesn't understand you, and find someone that respects you, that will help you heal. The scars will always be there, but at least you won't bleed everytime you think about them.
My heart goes to you

Get rid of ur boyfriend!!!!!!

Staying quiet is the biggest mistake one can make in such situations,you cant change your past but dont repeat the same mistake in the future.May god bless you.

let me just say you are a much stronger person than i am. all these stories are horrible, but this is far worse than mine. believe me when i say you don't deserve it. i know it's easier said than done, but try to get out of this relationship with your boyfriend. you deserve much better. I hope one day you can live a normal life and be happy.

I do not feel i am strong person, each day i remember what has happened to me and i do not let anyone close in my life. Sure i have a boyfriend but i do not know how i kept him that long we never seriously talk about anything he never knew or knows anything that has happened to me only what i ever wanted to tell him and it was nothing really all he found out by my mom and she really knows nothing about me and what happened .

with what u went through, no one could endure it entirely. to be abused that many times by that many people isn't something you can simply forget. But my story is nowhere near as horrific as yours yet you still reached out to someone whereas I can't. Maybe being a guy makes it harder for me, but still, based on what you shared in your story, i feel you are stronger than i am. most people that went through an experience like yours are so mentally damaged they can't function in society. you still tough it out though, and that makes you a strong person.

I am sorry to hear that. time to tell your story to everyone. that may help you get happy and make them all pay in a big way. I too was molested and never said anything but wish i had. but now as a 42yo man and the fact that the man that did it is now dead it is to late for me.