Being Abused Will Always Be There

I was not raped but I had things happen to me when I was a child. One I remember bits and pieces of, but my stepfather's cousin touched me then grinded on my when I was 9 and tried to convince me to go to his room in the basement( He tried this again when I was 13, I didnt tell anyone about this yet). Ever since then my life was changed I am 29 and I am so fearful of men. When a young girl goes missing I just know that it some creepy man raping her. I have a daughter and I am so fearful. It takes a piece of your life. I don't want any man near her. I think horrible things about men. Sometimes I look as some and see this look ( could be in my mind) and I am wary of them. I see this man all the time. I hate him for what he did, He looks like an old frail alcoholic. He works fixing school buses. I told and my mom when I was 18, she told me it was from me reading books. My family members know and they still associate with him. I feel betrayed but I don't let him ruin my life, he's living his without a worry in the world. I'm just now getting my life together at 29.
smilemovie smilemovie
26-30, F
3 Responses May 6, 2012

Not all men are like that, u just have to find the right one. But I know it's tough. I'm sorry, hope things get better!

I know how you're feeling. My whole family knows but they stillasso Kate with him. They're all in denial. I have a 1 yr old son. I don't want anymore children because I'm afraid of having a daughter. I'm already afraid for my son.

i told my mother that my stepdad molested me when i was 16 and she chose his side.she ven says she believes me but theyre still best friends and when he says jump she asks how high.how can they call themselves mothers?

I don't know especially in 2012 when society does not have the influence that it use to.