I Would Like To Think So.

To start out with - When my mother found out she was pregnent with me she was not interested in having another baby so soon after my brother. In time she had to accept the fact I was comming. She dealt with this by convincing herself she was going to have a little girl. She very much wanted to have a baby girl she could dress in pretty clothes.

From what I've been told, she was disappointed when I was born a boy. I have no memory of being dressed in little girls clothes. I just have memories of wanting to be a little girl.
These memories go back as far as I can remember and that's to the age of about 4 or 5. This was when my sister was born. My mother now had the girl she so wanted.

The questions I ask myself - Was I her little girl before my sister? When my sister came along did she give her my pretty dresses? Or, are my memories of wanting to be a little girl just something I manafested because of jealousy of the attention my sister got over me?

As time went on these desires of mine became stronger. I remember my mother saying things to me like, "You were such a pretty baby I could have passed you off as a little girl" "Your hair is so soft and curly. What I could do with it, If you were a girl" She also would always tell me I was "Special" What did that mean?

If she only knew what I was saying to myself every time I heard those comments. I would say to myself "Please! make me your special little girl."

And so starts the story of my life. I have fantisized about being a girl for as long as I can remember. I have grown to live my life as a man, but find great comfort in feminizing myself when the stresses in life become overwhelming.

So...Was I Mom's Special Girlie Boy? If my mom was alive today I would ask her. The things I brought up at the beging of this story I did not find out about until my mom passed away. I tried to confront my dad one night when he was drunk. All he would say was "Your mother so much loved that little girl and enjoyed dressing her in all those pretty dresses" He was talking about my sister and would say nothing about how my mother treated me.

I will never know! But, in my heart "I was my Mom's Special Girly Boy"
silkydrawers silkydrawers
46-50
Nov 29, 2012