What To Do....

I have no idea how to even put this to words... I can't believe I am posting this online, but I have no where else to go. No one understands. So let's start at the beginning.

About 2 years ago I met this man which I can say now, I was a mistress to him... I knew he was married when I began working there and so was I. I was married to a very emotionally abusive and controlling man, but was always faithful to him. As time went on... I found myself venting more and more at work about my stupid marriage. People would literally gather to laugh at my horrific marriage stories... It was always easier to laugh about it. Around November of last year I left my husband.

My married man (lets call married man DS) began "checking" on me. I didn't think much of it, as he was married and I thought he was just being nice. Then as time went on he was talking to a bunch of his friends and had mentioned that he had left his wife and they were getting a divorce.

At that point, I just felt bad for him, I knew he was having a hard time, so I gave him my number so we could talk if he needed it. (stupid mistake #1)

DS wasn't anyone I would usually give the time of day too, sooooo wasn't my type, very geeky, but I thought he was so sweet, and was well known as "the nice guy" at work. So I found him very non-threatening.

When we started texting, we immediatly hit it off. And before I knew it he was in my everyday life. We had so much in common, including being seperated, so we "understood" eachother.

Not so much.

We became intimate and I was compleatly falling for him. He was everything that I ever wanted, he was perfect and blah blah blah.... I got a facebook message from his WIFE!!!! Who apparetnly wasn't aware of the seperation, and proceeded to call me every name under the sun (and I kinda get that). She told me to leave him alone, not to call/text/talk to or even think of him. He called me to tell me the same... and I was heart broken.

As I said though, we work together.

So the next time I worked he came up to talk to me and I was livid. He LIED to me!

Well of course, he said he didn't. and Of course, I fell for it. He said she was crazy, and didn't understand, but he was done.

Then I find out... DS "moved out" into his garage in his wifes house.

hmmmm, now I'm irritated.

Looking for a new job now, and he's begging me not to go. This was about a week and a half ago. He started to cry and told me he didn't want me to go. I told him I couldn't deal with this anymore. I fell in love with a married man! And if I would have known he was lying to me this never would have happened.

The next monday he told me we had to talk... but never did. I texted him instead that I was going to try to work things out with my ex because I deserve someone that has time for me and only me, someone that will make ME number one. I then texted him later that night to ask him to leave me alone at work... a message his wife got... Which again, leads to the phone call telling me to pretty much screw myself and I quote "do not ever contact me again..." (no problem)

As of last wed him and his wife were back together, he's flaunting his wedding ring, and it hurts... a lot. hurts mainly because I was so blind.

Now though he's a big bully at work. I work in healthcare to say the least in a very "team" orientated place.... lets just say the team hates eachother.

I am so hurt and mad I don't know what to do. I guess I am happy he told me not to contact him because that does stop me from calling and losing my mind... but I don't understand how someone does this.

I admitt I was dense... I shouldn't have ever trusted him.... but now I feel so bad, bad for me for his family but not for him... I feel tricked and I wish I could control the way I feel... some times I love him, sometimes I hate him... and sometimes I don't care.... I just don't know what to do...
Mya17726 Mya17726
26-30, F
May 15, 2012