Happy And Sad Mistress

im dorze and im mistress for 8months today because its our monthsary today,we had an argument today because i want to break up with him but he doesnt want because he told me he loves me and he need me,and he promise me that he will leave his wife.i really love him i will die if he will leave me.
dorze dorze
22-25, F
2 Responses Dec 10, 2012

Each of us has something within us which won't be denied, even if it makes us scream aloud to die. We are what we are, that's all. Like the old Celtic legend of the bird with the thorn in its breast, singing its heart out and dying. Because it has to, its self-knowledge can't affect or change the outcome, can it? Everyone singing his own little song, convinced it's the most wonderful song the world has ever heard. Don't you see? We create our own thorns, and never stop to count the cost. All we can do is suffer the pain, and tell ourselves it was well worth it.”

Dear Dorze, I understand you. I understand what means to love someone with your whole self and keep always in your mind that you don't have to cross any lne, you have to keep your self on the border of the door, you have to live with the knowledge of how his toughts of jealousy are your REALITY, because as the matter of fact he is the one who has 2 partners, who loves you, beyond limits, but still everyish night comes back home when his Woman (the one with the capital W: because, even if you are the one in his heart, FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY YOU HAVE TO DON'T FORGET THAT YOU ARE NOT HIS Woman) is sleeping, or waiting for him, with their son in her arms. You have to remember 24/7 that you can't allow yourself to dream on, because is just pain. That you child who be a problem, her child a benediction.
That you are and always will be a shadow.
It is not important if he rationally thinks these things, you have to keep them in mind because, at the end of the day, you are not his Woman, you are his 'girlfriend' (because he won't use the real word).
This doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Hugo and Juliette Drouet loved each other and have been togheter all life long, as well as Jung and Tony Wolff.
Life is not kind. Timing is everything.
And is almost impossible that a man, even if he loves you desperatly, will even guess the inner feeling you are living with. It is something very hard to share and not everybody are available to do it.
If you keep it in mind, maybe you will understand that every kiss or caress or though he has for you is just for you. It is true, he makes love with someone at night, he has kid(s) from this someone and your own would be just a problem (he won't think it, but believe me you don't want this to happen). you have to learn to live with him being in a corner. If you are capable to do it, maybe you will enjoy. Otherwise, you are dead already.