Army, Love And Relationships

So for the longest time I have tried deeply to wait on this amazing army guy for months and months at a time. For the sake of this story, his name will be Jason and he just came back from his 2nd tour from Afghanistan. There was a point I remember hinting to him of how I wanted in on a relationship. How he thought of us being together was not possible and that "let's just be friends"...and to see what happens. So with that said, technically, I was single...least I thought it was after his proposal. I can be stubborn and I persisted and wanted to wait...but yeah, it's a tough call when you throw all your passion and love at someone who couldn't meet you half way. I seriously tired to be strong about it but being in a one-sided relationship...can you blame me that at first hand when I threw it all away? The fact that yeah, I let other opportunities pass me by because I was what?? Waiting on something that wasn't official? Was hanging on to words? How I was completely obsessed and pathetic on my knees?! It was crazy! So, that time I became close with another army guy; we'll name him Shawn. He was always there for me, holding me down when **** was getting rough.. It just so happened that he's friends with Jason too, so this is where we were both wrong in a sense. Jason didn’t take care of me…I made a wrong move. BUT, I figured: "If Jase didn't give a ****, then why should I??"

In the beginning of April Shawn and I made it so that we were dating...I never felt comfortable with this decision but he was there and Jason wasn't. Here another problem aroused: Jason was due back from Afghanistan the end of April. I was also scheduled to leave the country for my trip to Egypt. I didn't feel that telling Jason over email was the right thing to do either because he had to keep his head in the game. I remember Jase telling me the day he found out I had liked him; he walked passed an IED (Improvised Explosive Device)! IED's is what's killing our Soldiers galore! Later, his section spotted it and dealt with it...but still!! So, when Jason did come back from his tour, I had told Shawn to tell him about our relationship. The purpose for this was so that when I came back he would have had time to heal...then in the middle of April, Jason hit me with the "It's better late than never" email. Explained how he was very sorry for not being there for me...where he could clearly see that I had spent a lot of my time supporting him. I was so hurt when I read it because I was thinking of how it was just “a little too late”. Weeks later he wrote me another email notifying me how he knew then about how Shawn and I were together. Said how happy he was for us, and that things change, and how it really, really sucked. I was in Egypt by this time and it was early May when I had responded emotionally. I just couldn’t sleep…I asked, how could he have been upset when we weren't even in a relationship! How he made that decision a long time ago and therefore I owed him nothing like he owed me nothing either. I explained to him that the situation could have been completely different if he would have spent a little more time; been a part of my life and made me more of his. Had he been truer, taken better care of me [...] told me how he really felt instead of thinking of himself. At the end of it all, I broke it off with Shawn because I was still in love with Jason and that it wasn't fair to Shawn if I wasn't completely there. You know? So NOW, Jase and I are together but he's having difficulty letting go of the past. “We ALL made mistakes”, I tell him but he just can't get over it - and to me, it hurts having to be in a relationship when my boyfriend can't forgive me, you know? Was it my fault? No, it was his fault as much as it was Shawn’s as much as it was mine. In Jason’s defense, he says that Shawn had lied to him via emails while he was overseas and told him everything was okay with me so, he "thought" everything was okay. But "Ignorance is not Bliss" - I cried a **** load and I was just tired of there's my story.
VernitaHoxley VernitaHoxley
26-30, F
Jul 8, 2010