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Lesson To Learn

For five years I've been with my high school sweetheart. Sovanna was everything to me - my only friend, my best friend, and, of course, my lover whom I was profoundly in love with. She made me feel safe and secure, providing me a shoulder to cry on during my toughest times. Every time I chastised to myself for not exceeding my expectations, she was always there to comfort me, always assuring me of the potential she saw in me. She always believed in me.

Our relationship was "normal" until a few months back when we initiated online friendships via Yahoo Messenger.It was exciting for us both to meet new people from around the globe. We met dozens of interesting individuals. Unfortunately, that's when we unofficially had an open relationship. The friendships had escalated into romance (I'm referring to she and I). As crazy as it sounds, we were both attracted to certain people we met, though we still loved each other. And it was never a problem between us.

One day I was on her account, bored as can be. (I know, I know. It was wrong and pathetic of me to use her ID). And I met a girl. I fell in love with Naomi because she was one of a kind. I loved her personality, her insights, her sarcasm, her humor, her simplicity. I loved everything about Naomi. I talked to Naomi solo for about three weeks or more. And she implied to me that she had feelings for me as well.

Then Sovanna gained interest in Naomi. And she and I talked to Naomi every day. (It was one ID, but we both made up the person behind the ID) Sovanna saw what I saw in Naomi and fell in love. Same went with Naomi. She fell in love with the "person" behind the ID. (Insane, I know)

Just a few days ago, Sovanna and I decided to reveal the true identity of the ID we used.We told Naomi everything. Surprisingly, it didn't affect anything we had with her. But she is in love with Sovanna, not me, not us. And because the love between the two was mutual, I told them to just be together. It is the worst feeling I have ever had to face in the entire nineteen years of my existence.
The anguish brought by the thoughts of them together was almost palpable. Some say crying will make you feel better. Not for me. I cried my eyes out, but the pain still persists. I'm losing my sanity just knowing that they love each other. I find it impossible to forget and move on. But the truth is, it takes time to mend a broken heart. I just hope it is soon!

This wouldn't have happened if I had just stayed away from Sovanna's account. I regret everything! Gosh, karma's a real *****. I guess this is what I get for using my gf's account. So much pain..By the way, I'm not on her account at the moment. I created my own. I'm going to bed now. Good night.

cointro15 cointro15 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 17, 2009

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I can't find the words to say, but I want you to know this....I will love you no matter what obstacles we face separately and that you will always have me as your friend. I will be here for you.