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Lesson To Learn

For five years I've been with my high school sweetheart. Sovanna was everything to me - my only friend, my best friend, and, of course, my lover whom I was profoundly in love with. She made me feel safe and secure, providing me a shoulder to cry on during my toughest times. Every time I chastised to myself for not exceeding my expectations, she was always there to comfort me, always assuring me of the potential she saw in me. She always believed in me.

Our relationship was "normal" until a few months back when we initiated online friendships via Yahoo Messenger.It was exciting for us both to meet new people from around the globe. We met dozens of interesting individuals. Unfortunately, that's when we unofficially had an open relationship. The friendships had escalated into romance (I'm referring to she and I). As crazy as it sounds, we were both attracted to certain people we met, though we still loved each other. And it was never a problem between us.

One day I was on her account, bored as can be. (I know, I know. It was wrong and pathetic of me to use her ID). And I met a girl. I fell in love with Naomi because she was one of a kind. I loved her personality, her insights, her sarcasm, her humor, her simplicity. I loved everything about Naomi. I talked to Naomi solo for about three weeks or more. And she implied to me that she had feelings for me as well.

Then Sovanna gained interest in Naomi. And she and I talked to Naomi every day. (It was one ID, but we both made up the person behind the ID) Sovanna saw what I saw in Naomi and fell in love. Same went with Naomi. She fell in love with the "person" behind the ID. (Insane, I know)

Just a few days ago, Sovanna and I decided to reveal the true identity of the ID we used.We told Naomi everything. Surprisingly, it didn't affect anything we had with her. But she is in love with Sovanna, not me, not us. And because the love between the two was mutual, I told them to just be together. It is the worst feeling I have ever had to face in the entire nineteen years of my existence.
The anguish brought by the thoughts of them together was almost palpable. Some say crying will make you feel better. Not for me. I cried my eyes out, but the pain still persists. I'm losing my sanity just knowing that they love each other. I find it impossible to forget and move on. But the truth is, it takes time to mend a broken heart. I just hope it is soon!

This wouldn't have happened if I had just stayed away from Sovanna's account. I regret everything! Gosh, karma's a real *****. I guess this is what I get for using my gf's account. So much pain..By the way, I'm not on her account at the moment. I created my own. I'm going to bed now. Good night.

cointro15 cointro15 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 17, 2009

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Hello, cointro15.<br />
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I've experienced love triangles a few times myself, from all ends of the spectrum. It sucks being the one not chosen, and it sucks having to choose. I often wondered why such a thing was encountered 3-4 times in my young life, when it seemed to be an event you'd consider somewhat rare... <br />
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The truth is that I did not learn from my experiences with love triangles. Love triangles are tricky in that life always likes to see to it that you're the one who's hurt. You'd think, "Damn my luck!" or maybe, "Why me?!"... but the truth is that you bring it on yourself. Getting on your girlfriend's account wasn't the problem, you know, because neither of you should have anything to hide anyway, so why would it be a big deal?... the problem was allowing an interest to develop. You had an awesome girlfriend who you'd loved for a very long time, and you jeopardized that by allowing another girl to enter your heart. It's tough sometimes, I know, but when it comes down to it you have to stop and say to yourself: "Okay, this is getting a little personal... I have a girlfriend, and I am in no way unhappy... so I'm gonna talk to this girl and explain to her, BEFORE EMOTIONS GROW, that friendship is all I can deliver." If she wants more and more, and doesn't respect your loyalty to your girlfriend then she is not truly a friend anyway, and will probably disappear from your life eventually anyway.<br />
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Just remember that every experience in life is a lesson. If you don't learn, then you cannot influence your life, and the same things will always happen to you. This is the worst you've felt all your life.... So learn from this, so that when the next girl that completes you comes along you can be better prepared.<br />
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It took me 3 years to find another girl that I truly felt in love with after my first love passed away, and so because I wasn't being 100% faithful by allowing personal feelings to develop with friends, I just ended up hurt and alone all over again. <br />
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I now have the best girlfriend I could dream of! She's perfect for me. Thanks to my past mistakes, I am better prepared for being with her, and I know what to do, and what NOT to do so that our relationship can flourish, and it's doing just that!<br />
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Learn from this, and don't give up. Two very important points that I keep repeating, 'cause they're true. ^^; When the time comes and you find that girl who makes your heart sing, you can look back on everything and be happy 'cause you know it has prepared you for this moment.<br />
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~Issen :3

wow ****...im so sorry t hear that. karma may be a ***** but i think it went overboard, u were wrong to go onto her account let me make that point clear, but she shouldnt have allowed herself,and neither should u, to falll inlove like that when u had the perfect person right next to eachother, but again my deeest regrets and if u wanna talk to me im here, sometimes talking can heal the pain, and iv been told im pretty good at listening, so yea feel free to come to me anytime, and sorry for this long mmessage lol