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Child Prostitute Loses Self And Loved Ones

As a child, my mom gave me to her boyfriends ... to have sex with me... and I don't even remember it all... and I don't want to. I was a child prostitute, even though I don't know if she got paid for my services. I do know that it forever changed who I am. I have been molested and raped and abused. I think little of myself. And when I am down and out, I start thinking like that again. That my body is all that I am. That a nice piece of tail is all I will ever be. I went to therapy, and started getting help. Then my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was homeless.So, I turned what I knew: my body. I had a "friend" who was a guy (I am a lesbian), and I knew that if I slept with him, he would let me stay there. So I did. I did not enjoy it. I did it to survive. When I stopped, he raped me. But, because I lied, and said I was dating the guy, no one believes me. Not even the woman that I love. She thinks I did it because I wanted to. She calls me a liar. I can't help but think that had i not been prostituted as a child, I would've never gotten into that situation.
TweetBird216 TweetBird216 26-30, F 23 Responses Mar 21, 2012

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love and positive energy for you, always xx

((((((hello friend)))))

I pray that you will recover from such awful experiences. No matter how many men you were with, you are NEVER beyond reach of restoration. I pray that you will find someone that loves you and cherishes you and when the time is right, that intimate experience will be very special.
You are loved.

I found that person... I am healed... it's all good now. I look back on the things that I went through, and I realize that they have made me stronger.

Im glad you are better and I hope you never forget that you are of great worth. =)

And when did you start remembering this stuff?

Well, it happened over time. I some of it I never forgot. Other parts, I started remembering once I started therapy.

I believe you.

Are you studying psychology with a view to going into mental health? Are you studying behavioural, developement, cognitive or other areas of psychology? What about counselling? Personal centered? Cognitive? Directive? Gestalt?

The emphasis of my studies if substance abuse. I am too close to the PTSD side of mental health to be objective, but my brother is an addict. I figure I can help other addicts even if I can not heal myself.

Very noble. Good luck.

I feel bad for you. I do hope you can get some help and find some to love you.

Why do you feel bad for me? Thanks.

I think we mean that we feel sorry or bad that you had to go through that situation, kind of like empathy. I don't mean it in the sense that I am ''sorry'' for you. I mean it in the most sympathetic way.

Oh right thank you. I can understand your feelings, I have had a similar time in my life and feel the same for you.

Hopefully you have gotten intensive therapy. Contact your local health department or outreach service if you haven't. They have low cost options if needed. If you don't get therapy all that bad **** will just rattle around in your brain forever until it drives you batty and you kill yourself or someone else. Trust me, you don't want to keep mentally beating yourself up for the rest of your life and rehashing everything.

I've received therapy. I am actually going to school to get a degree in Psychology so that I can help others.

Do you think you would have turned out a lesbian if all this bad **** hadn't happened to you?

Are you able to keep a girlfriend or does all the bad **** in your head cause those relationships to self destruct also?

My sexuality (Pan not lesbian - but that's ok) has nothing to do with my past. I do think that I chose bad partners because I learned to do so as a small child.

Whatever u have dealt in your life is harsh , your mother nd that guy will pay fr their sins

That is the saddest and most tragic set of circumstances and feelings I have read for a really long time. I feel genuinely moved by your story. I am not "sorry for you" in a patronising or judgemental way but I am genuinely angry, confused, upset and overwhelmingly want to do something to make it better. And I know I can't. There's nothing I can say that will make any practical difference but I know in my heart there is nothing wrong with you, but plenty wrong with those that have betrayed you. I wish you healing and peace.

thank you

Sweetheart,I'm sorry this all happened to you, but it is good you raised the topic up on the internet. There was that period in between when divorce became socially acceptable (late 60s) and society got hysterical about child molesters (early 90s) where single moms did what your mom did. Of the three single moms I dated from 1978 - 1989, one of which I had known since before her first marriage, two were like your mom. Quotes were "she just grabs anything she wants in the bathtub" and "you'd marry my daughters too," on both occasions making it clear that I could do whatever I wanted.Although I had been molested myself by an older female relative, to me that was just plain fun. But I didn't see getting involved in a situation where I would have that temptation and frankly wanted to have kids of my own more than I wanted to have kinky sex with someone else's kids, so I dropped each of those relationships. The guys your mom dated were not so scrupulous, and the sad thing is that there were multiple ones, making you feel like a prostitute .

You make it sound "normal" and it is NOT. It is not "just plain fun".... children are NOT sex toys. Children can NOT consent. No one should feel like a "kinky little daddys (sic) girl", either. It is sick. The women you dated were sick.

Well yes, that''s why I stopped dating them. I was shocked myself at the time, and it's only been since all this child abuse stuff became something people talked about that I realized my experiences were not only not unique, but probably not that uncommon.

Is it possible for a young woman not to fall apart if she had a horrible situation caused by her mother? You seem to be making it in the world, best wishes for you.

You are so strong to have overcome that kind of ordeal - hats off to you

ty

I feel sorry for you.

why? don't... I don't need pity ... I survived that ****...

It's not your fault. I know that for many is hard to accept. But it's correct. Peace be with you.

thaml you. It was a long time ago and thankfully I am no longer with the woman who blamed me for it.

I admire your strength. Many people wouldn't have made it through those experiences.

ty

Heartbreaking to read. You are an amazing person, never forget that X

thank you

@ girlkayakgirl: (stupid iPad doesn't display the reply button...) there is a statute of limitations in the US.... I have been and still am in counseling.... and I forgave all those involved because hating someone is like drinking poison everyday hoping the other person gets sick.

Sounds like you are on the road to recovery. Good on you.

I am and thank you...

As far as I know in Canada there is no Statute of Limitations on nchild abuse. You should at least meet with a police detective and make a complaint. The police can demand all the info from your mom, but she will start to lie again.<br />
<br />
You cannot move forward with your life until you get some serious counsilling and some self estem training, Those should both be funded out of the Victim of Crime fund in your state. Counselling will get you to forgive all past (not drop the charges agains mom or boyfriend as they now belong to the state) wrongs, wape the slate clean, get you some training to move forward.<br />
<br />
There are many things in life worth celebrating. Take time at the end of each day for a five minute celebration of the good things that happend in the day. A longer celebration can be had Sunday afternoon.<br />
<br />
I wish we had several weeks together. We could put you back on the world to start having fun. Please do seek counselling from Victim Services when you lay your complaint.<br />
<br />
“Unless we have inner abundance, our material abundance works against our own survival.”<br />
-– Torkum Saraydarian<br />
You don’t drown by falling into water.<br />
You only drown if you stay there<br />
(Zig Ziglar)

It rips me apart inside every single day knowing that I couldn't have been there to protect you from them. It always will.

I'm sending you a comforting HUG.

Me too.

Your mother doesn't deserve your forgiveness, she has distroyed your tender years, if I was a girl I think I would just go with women from now on, they would know how you felt being abused in that way, and in my view pedophiles should be locked up for life, when I was growing up Iwas in and out of hospital quite a bit, one time a man doctor examined me and touched me, I didn't like it, my mum was in the room with me, Iwas about 6 or 7 at the time, but she didn't say anything, she tolod me he's a doctor and needs to do it, but I hated it, he touched my willy and felt it, that was many years ago, but it's still fresh in my memory, so now I always refer lady doctors, I feel safer with them.

I don't feel safe with anyone... i felt safe with one person, and I lost her... but I can't hate those people in my past... hate just blinds me and ruins my life faster... I've moved on from it... though I will be in therapy for the rest of my life

Thank you so much. She should be locked up, so should those men, but there is a statute of limitations on those crimes... so I couldn't prosecute now if I tried. It hasn't turned me against men, though. I have a lot of guy friends. I'm just gay. But it is easier for me to be friends with a guy than a girl, and I think that is because I blame my mom more than anyone else. The men? They were pedophiles. What's her excuse? She was my mother.

My heart goes out to you honey, you poor thing being used and abused in that way, it stole your innocence, I bet you are against all men know, I don't blame you if you are, what you mother did to you, she needs to be locked up.