Child Prostitute Loses Self And Loved Ones

As a child, my mom gave me to her boyfriends ... to have sex with me... and I don't even remember it all... and I don't want to. I was a child prostitute, even though I don't know if she got paid for my services. I do know that it forever changed who I am. I have been molested and raped and abused. I think little of myself. And when I am down and out, I start thinking like that again. That my body is all that I am. That a nice piece of tail is all I will ever be. I went to therapy, and started getting help. Then my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was homeless.So, I turned what I knew: my body. I had a "friend" who was a guy (I am a lesbian), and I knew that if I slept with him, he would let me stay there. So I did. I did not enjoy it. I did it to survive. When I stopped, he raped me. But, because I lied, and said I was dating the guy, no one believes me. Not even the woman that I love. She thinks I did it because I wanted to. She calls me a liar. I can't help but think that had i not been prostituted as a child, I would've never gotten into that situation.
TweetBird216 TweetBird216
26-30, F
22 Responses Mar 21, 2012

"That my body is all that I am", how well I know the feeling.

I hope you will find a way forward to learn to live with yourself. You will need to start accepting who you are and what the molestation made of you. We are all a mix of our genes and our experiences. To love yourself you can not keep on trying to turn your back on what have made you YOU.

I speak from experience. I was molested and prostituted from a very early age. I have seen films of some of the abuse so I know it happened even though I can't remember the earliest years. Ten years (2-12) of sexual abuse takes it's toll. Much of what I am today is because of that. I need constant attention and approval and need to be sexually appreciated to feel good about myself. Such big part of me is my body and sex. And so little of my self image is of my thoughts and feelings.

To live and feel good about myself I try to accept what I am and why I am what I am. The hard part is to separate the acceptance of me and who/what I am and the actions, the abuse and sexual abuse. Like most that have been sexually abused I have mixed feelings about it. My memory plays tricks with me and my feelings can sometimes be different from what they actually where when it happened. It is impossible for me to let go of it, maybe in the future, who knows. But I rather try to accept it all than not accepting myself at all.

Hello we are 4 people who have project week at school.
The questions are about  limits and our sub-topic is social anxiety.
We hope you will help by answering these questions ☺

1. What are your limits as a prostitute?
2. Have your limits shifted from when you started as a prostitute and to now?
3. How were they before? And how are they now?
4. Has it affected your social life outside of work that you are a prostitute? In what way?
5. Have you tried to have exceeded your limits in a negative way? An uncomfortable way?
6. If yes, how did it feel to get beyond its borders?
7. How did you get exceeded your limits?
8. How do you think one's limits is if you have social anxiety?
9. Try to describe your limits in relation to a social angsts borders

You poor dear, it will change the way you view sex, so you will have to deal with that. my girlfriend is going through similar thing. But you must live in the now, you are good, it was not your fault, and you deserve to enjoy sex as much as you happy.

love and positive energy for you, always xx

((((((hello friend)))))

I pray that you will recover from such awful experiences. No matter how many men you were with, you are NEVER beyond reach of restoration. I pray that you will find someone that loves you and cherishes you and when the time is right, that intimate experience will be very special.
You are loved.

I found that person... I am healed... it's all good now. I look back on the things that I went through, and I realize that they have made me stronger.

Im glad you are better and I hope you never forget that you are of great worth. =)

And when did you start remembering this stuff?

Well, it happened over time. I some of it I never forgot. Other parts, I started remembering once I started therapy.

I believe you.

Are you studying psychology with a view to going into mental health? Are you studying behavioural, developement, cognitive or other areas of psychology? What about counselling? Personal centered? Cognitive? Directive? Gestalt?

The emphasis of my studies if substance abuse. I am too close to the PTSD side of mental health to be objective, but my brother is an addict. I figure I can help other addicts even if I can not heal myself.

Very noble. Good luck.

Hopefully you have gotten intensive therapy. Contact your local health department or outreach service if you haven't. They have low cost options if needed. If you don't get therapy all that bad **** will just rattle around in your brain forever until it drives you batty and you kill yourself or someone else. Trust me, you don't want to keep mentally beating yourself up for the rest of your life and rehashing everything.

I've received therapy. I am actually going to school to get a degree in Psychology so that I can help others.

Do you think you would have turned out a lesbian if all this bad **** hadn't happened to you?

Are you able to keep a girlfriend or does all the bad **** in your head cause those relationships to self destruct also?

My sexuality (Pan not lesbian - but that's ok) has nothing to do with my past. I do think that I chose bad partners because I learned to do so as a small child.

Whatever u have dealt in your life is harsh , your mother nd that guy will pay fr their sins

That is the saddest and most tragic set of circumstances and feelings I have read for a really long time. I feel genuinely moved by your story. I am not "sorry for you" in a patronising or judgemental way but I am genuinely angry, confused, upset and overwhelmingly want to do something to make it better. And I know I can't. There's nothing I can say that will make any practical difference but I know in my heart there is nothing wrong with you, but plenty wrong with those that have betrayed you. I wish you healing and peace.

thank you

Sweetheart,I'm sorry this all happened to you, but it is good you raised the topic up on the internet. There was that period in between when divorce became socially acceptable (late 60s) and society got hysterical about child molesters (early 90s) where single moms did what your mom did. Of the three single moms I dated from 1978 - 1989, one of which I had known since before her first marriage, two were like your mom. Quotes were "she just grabs anything she wants in the bathtub" and "you'd marry my daughters too," on both occasions making it clear that I could do whatever I wanted.Although I had been molested myself by an older female relative, to me that was just plain fun. But I didn't see getting involved in a situation where I would have that temptation and frankly wanted to have kids of my own more than I wanted to have kinky sex with someone else's kids, so I dropped each of those relationships. The guys your mom dated were not so scrupulous, and the sad thing is that there were multiple ones, making you feel like a prostitute .

You make it sound "normal" and it is NOT. It is not "just plain fun".... children are NOT sex toys. Children can NOT consent. No one should feel like a "kinky little daddys (sic) girl", either. It is sick. The women you dated were sick.

Well yes, that''s why I stopped dating them. I was shocked myself at the time, and it's only been since all this child abuse stuff became something people talked about that I realized my experiences were not only not unique, but probably not that uncommon.

Is it possible for a young woman not to fall apart if she had a horrible situation caused by her mother? You seem to be making it in the world, best wishes for you.

You are so strong to have overcome that kind of ordeal - hats off to you


I feel sorry for you.

why? don't... I don't need pity ... I survived that ****...

It's not your fault. I know that for many is hard to accept. But it's correct. Peace be with you.

thaml you. It was a long time ago and thankfully I am no longer with the woman who blamed me for it.

I admire your strength. Many people wouldn't have made it through those experiences.


Heartbreaking to read. You are an amazing person, never forget that X

thank you

@ girlkayakgirl: (stupid iPad doesn't display the reply button...) there is a statute of limitations in the US.... I have been and still am in counseling.... and I forgave all those involved because hating someone is like drinking poison everyday hoping the other person gets sick.

Sounds like you are on the road to recovery. Good on you.

I am and thank you...

As far as I know in Canada there is no Statute of Limitations on nchild abuse. You should at least meet with a police detective and make a complaint. The police can demand all the info from your mom, but she will start to lie again.<br />
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You cannot move forward with your life until you get some serious counsilling and some self estem training, Those should both be funded out of the Victim of Crime fund in your state. Counselling will get you to forgive all past (not drop the charges agains mom or boyfriend as they now belong to the state) wrongs, wape the slate clean, get you some training to move forward.<br />
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There are many things in life worth celebrating. Take time at the end of each day for a five minute celebration of the good things that happend in the day. A longer celebration can be had Sunday afternoon.<br />
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I wish we had several weeks together. We could put you back on the world to start having fun. Please do seek counselling from Victim Services when you lay your complaint.<br />
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“Unless we have inner abundance, our material abundance works against our own survival.”<br />
-– Torkum Saraydarian<br />
You don’t drown by falling into water.<br />
You only drown if you stay there<br />
(Zig Ziglar)

It rips me apart inside every single day knowing that I couldn't have been there to protect you from them. It always will.

Thank you so much. She should be locked up, so should those men, but there is a statute of limitations on those crimes... so I couldn't prosecute now if I tried. It hasn't turned me against men, though. I have a lot of guy friends. I'm just gay. But it is easier for me to be friends with a guy than a girl, and I think that is because I blame my mom more than anyone else. The men? They were pedophiles. What's her excuse? She was my mother.