My Mom And Pills

      For me, it all started one morning one morning back in 1994, when we were involved in a car accident.  It wasn't very bad, but it messed my mom's back and neck up.  At that moment, our life changed forever.  Our mom had to have back and neck surgery, and of course, was prescribed pain pills.  She continued to go to the doctor, and he told her that she wasn't healing properly or something like that.  Well, time went by and she found a new pain management doctor.  He began injecting all kinds of medicines into my mom's back.  Come to find out, this particular doctor had a drug problem.  He was a pill user, and he injected himself with the same meds the he used on his patients.  By this point, my mom was addicted to her pills, and was working out deals with the 'miracle doctor' as she called him.  He would write her prescriptions just so she could bring them back to his office and they could share and get high.  In return, he would 'shoot her up'.  It was impossible to talk to my mom about this, because she said that the needed the pills and the shots for pain.  She always said the pain was unbearable, and that the would rather die than live without the pills to control it.  My dad would beg and plead with her.  My sister and I who were still children at the time, we didn't really fully understand what all was happening, all we knew is that we wanted our mom back and life to get back to normal.  The pills would make my mom act violent sometimes.  And her demeanor totally changed.  She started talking and acting  'crazy'.  At night, that's when she got really bad.  I think that is because of all the sleeping pills she was mixing on top of everything.  For instance, she would hide ice cream in the microwave and slices of pizza in the sugar.  And she would turn the oven on broil on leave it on all night.  This happened every single night for years... There was a lot of tension and frustration in the house as I'm sure you can imagine.  My parents did nothing but fight, which often turned physical.  Like I mentioned earlier, the pills made my mom aggressive, and as sad as it is, my dad didn't mind releasing the frustration on her when she attacked him.  They would point guns at each other, try to stab each other, it was horrible.  All of this was in front of me and my sister.  I would try to get them to stop, but it was too crazy.  In my personal opinion, the constant high usage of pills permanently damaged my mom's brain, and I'm not saying that to be mean.  By this point, a few years has passed since the accident and she has gotten fired from the job she has had for the past 10 years.  She got caught stealing jewelry.  The final straw for my dad was when my mom began having a sexual affair with her first cousin.  As you can imagine, a divorce shortly followed. Trying to protect our mom from going off the deep end even more, my sister and I decided to move in with her.  We thought we could help her.  I was 17 I think.  My sister was 13. ( I remember this because this is when I started college, I was so excited, even if it was short-lived.)  We moved into an apartment, mom got a job as a CNA, its in the medical field working in a nursing home.  I got my first job, at an animal hospital.  It was like my escape.  I felt like I abandoned my dad my moving in with my mom, so I withdrew from him.  And he had a girlfriend, so he was preoccupied with that most of the time.  Mom continued her relationship with the married first cousin for a while, so he would come to the apartment.  It would make me sick.  Mom would get mad at me for not accepting it and not understanding it.  They are blood cousins.  Its ******.  Its just wrong.  She would yell and scream and make threats to tell lies to my then boyfriend if I wouldn't be more open minded to her relationship with her cousin.  I wasn't rude to the man, I am a very polite person.  But I do have my values.  But, the relationship finally ended, he went back to his wife.  Enough of that though.  Somehow my mom got mixed up with the wrong crowd.  She began using crank.  Bad.  And that led to other forms of speed.  And weed.  All of this while using the pills too.  Well, I guess working at the nursing home and having access to all the medicines became too tempting for her, because she was fired for stealing medicines and taking them on the job.  Some medicines, she was shooting herself up.  After that, I had to quit college and work full time to try and pay rent and support us.  After my mom lost her job, this is when she got really bad.  She began dealing drugs, disappearing for days/weeks at a time, my sister and I not knowing if she were ever coming back.  We were scared to tell my dad, because we always tried to protect my mom.  He never knew what was going on.  When my mom was home, her drug buddies came to the apartment, doing the deals there, bringing their guns.  Sometimes a fist fight would occur.  Sometimes my mom would get beat up.  When her money was low and she had no drugs, she would sell herself in exchange.  I can remember a few occasions when a few men would go back together.  It was sad.  I worked all day long, trying to make as much money as I could to pay the bills.  After about 2 months, I came home for lunch one day, and my sister was there.  She was supposed to be at school.  I thought it was kind of funny that she was home, so the next day I came home for lunch too.  My sister was home again.  To make a long story short, my mom had stopped making my sister go to school over a month ago.  I got up the next morning and tried to take my sister to school, but the school had already withdrew her and reported her for truancy.  She was not allowed to attend that school again.  My mom would come up with stories about being kidnapped by the mafia, and how she was the biggest drug dealer in 12 states.  At one point or another, I think I've heard it all.  I tried to keep the apartment for as long as I could, but eventually lost it.  I sent my sister back to my dad's house.  I knew she was safe.  That's all that mattered.  Mom was already roaming the streets, prostituting for crack at this time. Over the next few months, she gets arrested a few times.  A few drug charges, I think once was robbery, and for some reason one time she gave the cops a false name.  Oh yea, and probation violations.  She has lived with her pimps or anybody that is offering her drugs.  When my mom and dad were together, my mom had everything.  My dad made good money, and my mom didn't have to want for anything.  In 2004, I was baptized, and I invited her to go to church with me that morning.  She went high on crack, but she went.  At the service that morning, she agreed to go into rehab.  Since that stay in rehab, she has been clean of the street drugs.  Yay!  But we are still having a problem with the prescription drugs.  While in rehab, she met a guy, and when they got out, they moved in together.  They went to the same pain management doctor, and shared pills every month.  This doctor, however, was unaware of my mom's drug history, and also of the family history.  You see, my mom's mom was also a pain pill addict (which also originated from a car accident), committed suicide by overdosing when my mom was 17.  My mom has 3 other sisters, 2 of which are pill users.  Depression runs in the family, and my mom often makes suicidal threats/od attempts.   
      For the past 16 years, I have been having to deal with this.  In some ways it has gotten better.  She is off of the street drugs.  But she is in denial that she has a problem.  4 months ago, she broke up with her boyfriend that the met in rehab 6 years ago and I invited her to come stay in my home until she could get on her feet. I figured this would be a good opportunity to help her get herself straight and maybe see that there is more to life than just pills.  Mentally, she is on a different level.  Like I mentioned before, I think the pills have caused permanent damage.  She talks to herself alot now, better yet, has conversations with herself.  She makes funny noises, and sometimes will talk in 'different voices'.  Sometimes she sounds like Yoda.  She is a compulsive liar now.  She told her sister the other day that I took her bedroom door off the hinges and took it away.   And she has a very short temper and will blow up over nothing.  She is currently taking methadone, morphine, soma, elleville, ambien, etc.  These are the ones I'm aware of.  And she drinks on top of this.  I have epilepsy, and my boyfriend/fiance lives with me to help me out and to look out for my safety.  As you can imagine, my mom being here and acting the way she does adds stress to our relationship.  I want my mom to get help.  That is all I have ever wanted.  Her drugs has ripped our family apart.  It stole my childhood.  For 16 years, I have had to be her parent.  I am angry.  I feel broken and let down.  Its embarrassing.  I want a mom I can be proud of, one that can have an active part of my life.  I want a mom that will be a good grandmother to my kids one day.  My sister and I are emotionally warped because of everything we have been through.  Granted, we hide it well most of the time.  But the pain is still there.  But the sad thing is, mom is still putting us through it.  She doesn't realize how bad her pills and actions effect us.  A few things have happened over the past week.  Mom pitched a temper tantrum, attempted suicide by over dosing, therefore I had to call 911.  My boyfriend was able to stop her from swallowing most of the pills in her mouth and she refused to go to the hospital.  The EMT advised me that the best thing I could do is go to the courthouse and have the judge sign an order to have her committed.  So I did.  I did that on Monday.  They didn't come pick her up till Wednesday.  I thought we were finally getting somewhere and mom was finally getting some help.  Mom called that night, upset, promising me that she would 'talk a good game' and that she would be out the next morning.  I didn't pay her much attention.  Afterall, anybody with half a brain could see my mom had problems.  Well, to my surprise, the next morning, my mom called demanding that someone come get her.  She was free to leave.  She did it.  She talked her 'good game'.  She knew the system well enough to know exactly what to say to fool the doctors.  Afterall, she does have a background in the medical field too.  Anyway, because she has been so hostile and aggressive since then since she knows that I am the one that had her sent in to be evaluated, my boyfriend and I decided that its best that she doesn't come back to the house.  She has also been making threats against me.  She has burned most of her bridges, and doesn't have many options.  My now married sister's husband does not want her to stay at their house because he feels that that just enables the problem.  And I can't argue that point.  Its tough.  She drains the life out of you.  She is a negative presence.  My boyfriend and I were going to rent her a house, but my mom found problems with that.  Everything we have done to try and help, she has complained about and put up resistance to, etc.  I have made her multiple appointments to try to get her into therapy and get financial assistance considering she is unemployed and uninsured, but has only went to one of those appointments, and I think that's only because I went went with her.  I love my mom, I really do, and I don't want to give up on her on her.  I don't think I know how.  Although people are telling me that's what I need to do.  My dad tells me she is a lost cause.  Do I keep pushing forward refusing to give up on her, or do I throw my hands up in the air and wave the white flag?
    I am so tired right now.  This has been a long fight.  You know the old saying, " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink"   I am so confused.  And I know I can't change my mom.  She has to want to change.  But God didn't give up on me.  He gave me a second chance.  How do I know that this isn't the time when its all going to turn around for her?  God has blessed me with so much.  He blessed me with a great man to be by my side to help me get through this, and to support me in whatever I do.  As bad as my past may seem, its a great contrast to show you how lucky you are to have certain things in your life nowadays.  I've had to see firsthand what its like to lose it all.  But on a good note, me and my dad have reconnected over the years and are close now.  My mom has her side of the family fooled and they think she is ok.  Granted, two of them are users too.  Mom is really good about giving a great sob story and making people feel sorry for her.  Right now, certain people look at me at the bad guy for having her sent off for an evaluation.  But I've tried all else I know to do.  No one else has bothered to do ANYTHING to help her.  Until now.  Now, its like she is a piece of meat and her sisters who could have cared less before are fighting to keep me from helping her.  They say I  need to back off.  They say they will help her, but they don't agree with how I am trying to do it.  I don't care about anybody being right or wrong.  I just want my mom to get help.  But they haven't been around my mom lately to see how she is and see how she acts.  She is putting on a show for them, to make them feel sorry for her.  Everybody who has seen her lately agrees with me and knows she needs help.  Intensive help.  I just want my mom to be ok.  She is depressed and talks about dying a few times a week.  I have tried to get her into therapy, with no luck.  I am not ready to bury my mom.  I don't want her to do to us what their mom did to them.  What should I do?  Please help... 
aking25 aking25
1 Response Aug 10, 2010

You are incredibly brave and have amazing perspective on this situation. My mom is also a chronic abuser of presc<x>ription medication and has been using on and off for about 15 years. I am only 21 and stories such as yours give me a sort of hope. I am impressed that you are religious and remain faithful to God. I try to stay positive but I don't talk to Him much anymore but I know that He has a plan for me and that my mom may be my cross to bear. I am there with you. I don't know what to do either. Part of me just wants to become apathetic, but I am mostly just angry and resentful. I know I shouldn't harbor that, but its really hard you know? Its your mom... I think that you can only do so much. Have you tried an intervention? We haven't. My dad is in denial, and my sister is just ready to get out of the house and go to college. I practically drive myself crazy over figuring out what to do. What is the best thing to ******* do here? No matter what it seems like someone is pissed or hurt. Congrats on being a good person. Thank you for your story.