You Asked For This.

Everyday i'm haunted by that night. I thought he loved me, I though he meant he would never hurt me. But, sometimes we're all maid out to be a fool. It seemed like any other day, it was my 15th birthday. My ex and I went to a fire to spend my birthday with our friends. I knew something was wrong when he wouldnt let go of me.I thought he wanted to just spend time with me, but I was wrong. We all went in the tent for bed. Me and him layed together. I felt him coming on to me. "Stop" that's what I said. But its like he never hear me. I could feel him try to take my clothes off. I tried to fight back, but he just taped my mouth and held me down. At that point, I knew this wasn't love. It was rape. I felt hopeless. Like I was standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming and no one bothered to look up. "You deserve this" those words haunt me for ever. I had to go on, pretending it never happened. Being raped, was haunting. Ever night, im scared to fall asleep. Scared hell come back. That guy lives only a block away. I cant even share a bed with anyone else because i'm scared it'll happy all over again. No one knows. Not my family, no one. Im not recognized as a *****. A ****. A walking disease because I "had sex" at 15. No one knows the pain this causes me. I'm now 17 and it still hurts just as worse. The nightmares still exist. Happy 15th birthday, you asked for it.
realwithmeex realwithmeex
18-21, F
5 Responses Aug 30, 2012

guess the first thing to do is find a person you trust and talk about it what happen your feeling
understand you in no way ask for that to happen to you but I think you need to be checked for stds as he sounds like that type of boy

And you didn't deserve this a man should wait till the girls ready to have sex and when she what's to do it if you do love her you will and if you really were a man you wouldn't force her too

Message me if you what Someone to talk too

Believe deep down it is not your fault, no matter what the actions were leading up to the rape, you need to know and accept there is nothing that justifies rape and you didn’t do anything to deserve it! Everyone I talk to feels guilty or ashamed in one form or another, but what you don’t understand is the person that is deserving of the guilt and shame is the person that chose to do the rape, NOT YOU! The rape was not about anything you did, it is about the attacker needing control and they are responsible for their actions NOT YOU!!!<br />
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You need to try and do your best to deal with your feelings as they arise. I’ve learned that in order to feel like a survivor you face them head on. You have two options, deal with them head on or run from them. The problem is when you run, your demons become your shadow and you can never outrun your shadow, so it is best to try and deal with your emotions head on instead of trying to outrun something you can’t.<br />
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Surround yourself with the people who support you and distance yourself (at least temporarily) from those who don’t.<br />
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Find the positive in something everyday and focus on it no matter how small or stupid it is. A lot of days you will have to dig deep to find it, even if it is splurging on a dessert or watching your favorite TV show, but you must find something positive everyday to keep you going. This will also help train your brain that you can block out the negative.<br />
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Remember that you can’t change the past so stop focusing on it with – shoulda, coulda, woulda – because it doesn’t matter since the past can’t be changed. If you are focusing on something you wished you would have done differently or beating yourself up with something you did, then you do not believe it wasn’t your fault, step #1. YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and until you do you have a long struggle in your recovery. Remember NOTHING JUSTIFIES RAPE!<br />
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I wish I could just take away your pain but as tou know I cannot. But for now if you ever need somebody to talk to, please just send a message my way. Once again nothing but big hugs going out to you! ♥

i do know the pain as i have seenit in other growing up<br />
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you did nothing wrong but he get the points for the conguest<br />
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i really wish people would not use the word rape for that what youhad done was assult sexiuall