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The Perfect Guy?

I'm Laura and I'm 19. I want to tell you the story of how I was raped. I have never told anyone and every time I try to write about it I can't get it out. I just want someone to hear my story.

I was 16 years old, and its been 3 years since I was violated by a man. He changed me; who I am, and who I wanted to be. It was a hot summer Saturday. I remember waking up, turning on my radio and dancing around my room. I was so excited about the party I was going to with my boyfriend Josh. Josh was amazing (well I thought he was). He was 19 and a freshman in college.

I knew that tonight was going to be a big night for me. So I took a shower, did my laundry and picked out an outfit to wear for that night. My parents thought I was going to my friend Ashley's house for the night. I was always over there so there wasn't a second thought. My parents took my brothers out for the day and "Ashley" (Josh) came and picked me up around lunch time.

After hanging out at his parents house, it was time to get ready for the party. I put my outfit on. I decided to wear a cute tight black skirt with a tight black shirt, a silver necklace and earrings to match. Underneath I wore a sexy pair of aqua lace boyshorts and a pushup bra to match. I start to do my make up and I go with a dark brown eyeliner and play up a smokey eye shadow with a silver sparkle. I played around with a couple mascaras, a pink color lipgloss and I had my nails done the day before in a silver matalic color (so cute). I have dark brown natural curls so i didn't do anything with my hair just left it loose and playful. I thought I looked great!!! I was feeling really good about the party. I made sure Josh looked great too! In his dark wash hollister jeans and a cute t-shirt.

Its 8pm and time to go. We go down stairs and say bye to Josh's parents and get in the car. We finally get to the party by 8:30 everyone is there! New people and people I know. Josh starts giving me drink by drink and shot after shot. We dance and mingle around for a while and by 11 people are heading home or going off to bed. Josh is talking to me and we are standing with a group of his friends who threw the party. He is telling me that i look hott tonight and that we should go to an after party across the street. So we all walk across the street and hangout watch some scary movies. I was sitting on Josh's lap and another couple were sitting next to us making out. Josh leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. We ended up falling asleep watching the movie.

I woke up to Josh playing with my hair. He grabbed my hand and said "lets go somewhere!" I followed him upstairs to a small bedroom. We laid there talking about friends, us and other things. He started to rub my back as he talked to me about how he wished that we would be together forever. I was laying on my stomach and it felt so good him rubbing my back (we had never had sex or anything together). He started to move further and further down my back until he got to the bottom of my skirt which had been all bunched up. He just looked at me and smiled then slowly moved his hand further up underneath my skirt. I asked what he thought he was doing and he just said "I thought i was allowed I am your boyfriend." I responded by sitting up and saying " I don't think I am ready for this." He told me to stop talking and pushed me back. i yelled at him to stop touching me and he put his hand over my mouth. He then started to take off his jeans. tried to hit him and bite his hand but he was to strong I couldn't get out from underneath him. He got hi pants off and then started to get my panties off. He pushed inside me so hard it hurt so bad. I tried screaming but it wasn't worth it. No one could hear me with his hand over my mouth. I started to cry. I tried to kick him but it didn't work. He was sitting on top of my legs. It felt like it was on fire! I couldn't move or get away. He took his hand off of my mouth and i screamed. He slapped me and it left a bruise. finally after he finished he told me to put my clothes back on. I just sat there on the corner of the bed waiting for someone to walk in and see what had happened. No one walked in. He came over to me I was shaking and crying he reached out his hand and I looked away. I just wanted him to go away. He touched my shoulder and said " I only wanted to show you how much I love you." Then he handed me my underwear. I looked at him straight in the eye and took them from him. I got up and started to walk to the door when he grabbed my hand again but this time it hurt. He pulled me up against him and said " Now you listen you tell anyone that you didn't like it and I will make your life a living hell. Now your going to take my hand and walk back down stairs with me and pretend this never happened got it?" I answered shakily " okay". We went back down stairs and I sat next to him on the couch. I was so upset and shaking he pushed my head on to his chest and put his arm around me. He acted like nothing happened.

I ended the relationship 3 days later by telling him I needed to focus on my school work not on boys. I have never talked to Josh again but I see him all the time and everytime I get chills down my spine. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world and within an hour he changed me. He made me feel like a dirty high school girl who he couldn't care less about. It hurt so bad to know that I was with him for 3 weeks before this had happened.

I was raped this summer night in 2009 and I will never forget what it took from me.

Thank you for reading this :)
AFallenStar AFallenStar 18-21, F 25 Responses Oct 25, 2012

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Geeez is every story on EP like this
Girl admits she was dressed like a ***
She goes to a private room with him and then is upset he doesnt just want to play chess
UNLESS hes gay what is he supposed to do ??
I know what foods dont agree with me and make me sick
so I stay far away from them
I dont go to restaurant that make these foods in the most tantalizing way

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I am so sorry to hear what had happened to you.... I too was raped by my ex boyfriend... he just stuck it in me with no care in the world.. felt horrible...
But we are stronger then men. Where I feel like emotionally I can handle anything. Even to this day I still too get scared and sad and I do suffer from major depressive disorder and anxiety. But you are a strong woman and no one can bring you down.

Have your told the police?

That is awful!! Don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong, and beating yourself up won't help. There are nice guys and girls out there and don't let a vile animal ruin things for you. Real men don't HIT OR HURT WOMEN!! Everything you do with someone should be something you both want, whether it is sex or picking out a movie. Real men are happy when they make others happy.

Some of the comments were really pathetic. People never thought maybe AFallenStar has a recall memory regards to detail. Just cause she used grammar, means it's fake.

I have seen fake storys, I would rather wish this was fake so it never happen to her...

Regards to alyshine, she's entitled not to explain in detail nor what she meant. Even though I knew what she meant.

Somehow someway you will find that you're no longer afraid. I'm sorry for what happened and I wish you the best of luck.

Wow, I hope you reported this incident, and I know you don't want to talk to anyone about it, but the more you open up about this sort of thing, that's when the healing occurs. I would definitely tell the police as well and make some kind of report. Maybe he won't go to jail due to lack of evidence, but I bet he would think twice about doing it to someone else again!

It's pretty disgusting that this thread has wandered so far from its beginning: a human being taking the risk of sharing the story of extraordinary physical and emotional pain inflicted on her by someone she loved and trusted.

I am very sorry to read about how much hurt he did to you but i just want to tell you that your story definetly taught me something. In a way i want to thank you for protecting me by sharing your story.

"I thought i was allowed I am your boyfriend." Is never ever ever ever ever ever EVER an excuse. EVER. I want to break this man in half like a toothpick. Just because a man is a girls boyfriend does not give him the RIGHT to have sex with the girl. It is always ALWAYS up to the woman to take that step. Never the mans. In any relationship of any kind the lady always takes the lead. A mans place in a relationship is to provide comfort, support, protection, understanding, true unconditional love to the woman. Always. Im sorry I just had to say that. I loath men who do that kind of thing to women or think they can. I loath men who treat women badly. See this is the kind of thing that makes me sick and makes me hurt because its men like that that make it harder for men like me. Im actually a good man that would never hurt a woman and has never hurt a woman in my life. Heck I was with one woman for eight years, engaged for near four and married for a little over four. She was abusive and whatnot hence the divorce but still never hurt her. Im sorry this happened to you and Im sorry for ranting. Its just that sentence of what he said set me off and I couldnt read the whole thing. I cant even watch movies with that kind of thing in them.

Your system suffered with Post traumatic stress disorder and definitely it can be difficult to get over such experience. Its important not to blame man in general for what happened to you or you may never get over it , when you fall from the horse its about getting back on horse as quick as possible.

You are an incredibly strong person to share your story. It's very frustrating to see the previous comments about "being naive". I think that's not the issue. What the issue is about is you repeatedly told him to STOP and he raped you. When someone commits a crime they threaten the sole witness so they can get away with it. It's sickening to know someone you trusted violated you. You can seek support or just have an outlet to talk to by going to the RAINN website or talking with someone with experience in these cases. There is also the option of reporting him which you don't have to do...but it may spare someone from going through your terrible experience you survived.

dont listen to any of these negative comments please. this is why girls are so afraid to report rape because we always get blamed for it. being young and naive? that doesnt justify rape. this was in no way your fault.

There is NOTHING more horrible than a man forcing himself on a woman, child, or even another man. RAPE is despicable, and something that should NEVER happen to anyone. I hope you have been in or are in therapy to help you deal with this reprehensible act, and the dickhead who condemned you for being "tactless and naive" is as lame as those Republicans who said what they did about rape. What a bunch of SOOOO clueless idiots. I'm sure everyone here wants nothing but the best for you in your difficult recovery. God Bless you (and ignore morons like this anonymous6868 jerk... he must spend all day watching the FOX network!)....

I feel very sorry for you, but I think you were very tactless and naive as well. You put yourself in that kind of situation and someone took advantage of your foolishness. You claim that you went upstairs "alone" with him in a room. Add that with the fact that you were trying to "look sexy" and that's a pretty obvious mistake on your part. But life isn't over so don't give up. This is a learning experience. You are not "fallen" in any way. You can pick yourself up instead of reinforcing the notion that you are "fallen".

Do you think she anticipated someone forcing themselves on her? Way to shame someone and victim blame. Ugh, I feel sorry for you.

How disgusting for you to say this!!! The last thing a rape victim needs is some keyboard hero who has not gone through anything like this! Grow the **** up!!

Join islam u will feel good mentaly and physically

**** Islam, Lets go catholics<3

This story is far too detailed for someone who didn't want to tell it in the first place. I'm sorry for you, but this doesn't add up.

i agree

I also had my doubts about this story when I read it - it sounds a bit odd to me - it sounds a bit like a story written in a weird 'erotic' magazine - sorry if I'm wrong but it doesn't sound right

What does it matter? Really? Everyone deserved the benefit of doubt! I am a victim of rape myself, and just because I can have good grammer does that mean that I made it up? If it did remember the whole thing - does that mean that I made it up? It is so hard to tell people for many reasons and one being out of fear that they won't believe you and these comments would not help anyone in that situation.

something happened to me i was picked up aparently druged i was covered in stuff, i hurt round the back i felt ashamed even my co worker doesn't know,,my freind killed himself over the same thing i'm not gay but that has nothing to do with it ,,hold on to your good side with everything you have dont let people call you narcisistic, or similar keep everything good about your self, dont worry to much for matirial things ian

Very sorry to know you been through all this.. it was not your fault, its not your fault that everybody is not good at heart like you, every body like to have a good person in their life but sometime we make mistake in choosing people. Dont stop living life happily, wait for a right person, dont hate people, their are good people..

I'm so sorry. I hope your getting better now. A lot girls are date raped. Peace to you

Please read my story here in this section. I am SO very sorry, and hope that life becomes beautiful for you.

Sad. I hate violence in any form. I hope this post is part of healing for you.

Be nice! Geez it's not like she WANTED this to happen! Can't you read?! Or are you just on here to make fun of people?! God... Anyways...
I'm so sorry that happened sweetie. I know what it's like... I was raped online... I know it's not the same, but it's still really scary and terrifying and it does hurt believe it or not. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always on:) <3

Please explain how one gets raped online.

I'm not going to explain out in the open on EP... Look it up

I did look it up, found nothing.
I only asked because I thought you were inventing a term, thanks for confirming my doubts.

Oh my god. I am not making it up. I'm being serious here! Now hush up and leave poor Laura alone! Me too for that matter! You need to learn some RESPECT! I forgot, that word probably isn't in your vocabulary. Let me explain. RESPECT is learning to be KIND and LISTENING to others thoughts and opinions and VALUEING them. Don't know what any of those other KIND words are? Look 'em up. C'mon now, put your big girl panties on and realize that there are more people in the world than just you

First rule of respect is this: Respect is earned, not granted.

Your definition is flawed, but the most troubling part is that I dont see why you would have to value an opinion out of "respect", especially if it doesnt make any kind of logical sense.

Respect is, instead, the act of remembering the actions of someones past if they are deemed worthy to be recognized. (which is why its always funny when an insiginificant someone asks for respect) I think the word you are looking for is TOLERANCE, in this case, you demand that I TOLERATE your inaptitudes. I refuse.

You know what?! Look up the definition of respect. DARE YOU. And, I've had enough of everyone calling me insignificant, stupid, and idiot, 'logically incorrect', I've had enough! If you wanna read any or all of my stories and see what I've been through, then look at yourself, and see if it's really worth it

Whatever you have been through does not excuse any lack of knowledge if you claim to possess that knowledge as you do. I'll do the whole work for you ffs, here. And in the definition for tolerance, I know that the term respecting doesn't apply for this case, no need to let me know.

Respect:
1. A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem. See Synonyms at regard.
2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

Esteem
1. To regard with respect; prize.
2. To regard as; consider: esteemed it an honor to help them.

Tolerance
1. The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.
2.
a. Leeway for variation from a standard.
b. The permissible deviation from a specified value of a structural dimension, often expressed as a percent.
3. The capacity to endure hardship or pain.

Okay, whatever Mr 'I know everything'. By the way, I think you should go find a job and a life. Or, better yet, go back to preschool where you can learn your manners!

Would it make you mad to know that I am currently at work?

Ough riiiiiiight

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Ok so someone taught you your place. Its unfortunate you think you lost a lot, truth is, you simply want to play the victim. Next time, choose your friends better.

just so you know i did loose a lot...I wasn't ready to have sex and he took away my virginity. He took away everything. I haven't been in a relationship since then. I don't want to play anything I just wanted to tell my story.

Well, in that case, sorry your virginity was everything you had.

god your rude

God, can younot read?! It's not like she WANTED this to happen! Go play in your sandbox kid

shut up buddy what you want the girl to do turn into the hulk and smash him to peaces? obviously if she cant even get him off like she thought he was there for her obviusly and felt comfortable with him you dont expect people you care about who tell you they want to be together forever to pull that kinda crap and maybe you should pick other stories to comment on.. theres no need for that honestly your an amazing person for sharing this feel free to message me if youd to talk ever :) im sorry this happend to you but karma will come to him dont you worrie

and sorry you have no heart.. you are rude..

Habatur--You are nothing but a disgusting piece of trash. FallenStar--it gets better. When you can open up about it, you can start to heal. It never fully goes away, but you will be able to trust someday if you want to. Hang in there. *hugs*

I think kenneth01's 2nd post is closer to the truth. I have no heart (metaphorically speaking of course in case a retard stumbles upon this). I simply tell the truth, well, according to my perception, which anyone with half a brain should get that it was a critique of the over-dramatizing that was done in the text. Obviously, I am not on the right site to discuss with people of superior intellectual capabilities, but I shall not give up so easily.

nah i understand your think your a smart *** but your just an idiot who has no supeirior intellect anyone can use big words your intellect is ****!

if you even understand that..

Jealousy on the Internets.... the sweet perfume of fear, I like you, kenneth01.

far from jealousy my friend i think yu need to get more in touch with yourself.. but im done commenting these pointless remarks to you i feel sorry for you tbh

If I was there you pathetic worm I would crush you like the bug you are. How can you live with yourself. See men like you is what makes it so hard for good guys like me to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman thats looking for something real and good. You go out there and think that women are toys and just sleep with whomever you want and treat them however you want leaving them hurt and in pain and unable to trust for a long long time. Because of men like you. You say you wont give up so easily well Im going to make you give up. Your talking to a man that had a horrible father and was in the US Army where they couldnt break me. Lets see if you do better you pathetic twip.

Oh and what in the blue ***** name did you mean by someone taught her her place? I really would choose my words carefully otherwise I will rip out your spine floss with it and have it mounted over my fireplace (if I can find your spine) and tear out your vocal cords and lungs and make a set of new bag pipes.

FallenStar could you do me the honor of adding me? I would like to be a good friend if youll have me. I wish no harm to you nor will I grant any harm.

Were you also trained in gorilla warfare?

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