I Was Raped and Feel Scared All the Time
I'm Laura and I'm 19. I want to tell you the story of how I was raped. I have never told anyone and every time I try to write about it I can't get it out. I just want someone to hear my story.
I was 16 years old, and its been 3 years since I was violated by a man. He changed me; who I am, and who I wanted to be. It was a hot summer Saturday. I remember waking up, turning on my radio and dancing around my room. I was so excited about the party I was going to with my boyfriend Josh. Josh was amazing (well I thought he was). He was 19 and a freshman in college.
I knew that tonight was going to be a big night for me. So I took a shower, did my laundry and picked out an outfit to wear for that night. My parents thought I was going to my friend Ashley's house for the night. I was always over there so there wasn't a second thought. My parents took my brothers out for the day and "Ashley" (Josh) came and picked me up around lunch time.
After hanging out at his parents house, it was time to get ready for the party. I put my outfit on. I decided to wear a cute tight black skirt with a tight black shirt, a silver necklace and earrings to match. Underneath I wore a sexy pair of aqua lace boyshorts and a pushup bra to match. I start to do my make up and I go with a dark brown eyeliner and play up a smokey eye shadow with a silver sparkle. I played around with a couple mascaras, a pink color lipgloss and I had my nails done the day before in a silver matalic color (so cute). I have dark brown natural curls so i didn't do anything with my hair just left it loose and playful. I thought I looked great!!! I was feeling really good about the party. I made sure Josh looked great too! In his dark wash hollister jeans and a cute t-shirt.
Its 8pm and time to go. We go down stairs and say bye to Josh's parents and get in the car. We finally get to the party by 8:30 everyone is there! New people and people I know. Josh starts giving me drink by drink and shot after shot. We dance and mingle around for a while and by 11 people are heading home or going off to bed. Josh is talking to me and we are standing with a group of his friends who threw the party. He is telling me that i look hott tonight and that we should go to an after party across the street. So we all walk across the street and hangout watch some scary movies. I was sitting on Josh's lap and another couple were sitting next to us making out. Josh leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. We ended up falling asleep watching the movie.
I woke up to Josh playing with my hair. He grabbed my hand and said "lets go somewhere!" I followed him upstairs to a small bedroom. We laid there talking about friends, us and other things. He started to rub my back as he talked to me about how he wished that we would be together forever. I was laying on my stomach and it felt so good him rubbing my back (we had never had sex or anything together). He started to move further and further down my back until he got to the bottom of my skirt which had been all bunched up. He just looked at me and smiled then slowly moved his hand further up underneath my skirt. I asked what he thought he was doing and he just said "I thought i was allowed I am your boyfriend." I responded by sitting up and saying " I don't think I am ready for this." He told me to stop talking and pushed me back. i yelled at him to stop touching me and he put his hand over my mouth. He then started to take off his jeans. tried to hit him and bite his hand but he was to strong I couldn't get out from underneath him. He got hi pants off and then started to get my panties off. He pushed inside me so hard it hurt so bad. I tried screaming but it wasn't worth it. No one could hear me with his hand over my mouth. I started to cry. I tried to kick him but it didn't work. He was sitting on top of my legs. It felt like it was on fire! I couldn't move or get away. He took his hand off of my mouth and i screamed. He slapped me and it left a bruise. finally after he finished he told me to put my clothes back on. I just sat there on the corner of the bed waiting for someone to walk in and see what had happened. No one walked in. He came over to me I was shaking and crying he reached out his hand and I looked away. I just wanted him to go away. He touched my shoulder and said " I only wanted to show you how much I love you." Then he handed me my underwear. I looked at him straight in the eye and took them from him. I got up and started to walk to the door when he grabbed my hand again but this time it hurt. He pulled me up against him and said " Now you listen you tell anyone that you didn't like it and I will make your life a living hell. Now your going to take my hand and walk back down stairs with me and pretend this never happened got it?" I answered shakily " okay". We went back down stairs and I sat next to him on the couch. I was so upset and shaking he pushed my head on to his chest and put his arm around me. He acted like nothing happened.
I ended the relationship 3 days later by telling him I needed to focus on my school work not on boys. I have never talked to Josh again but I see him all the time and everytime I get chills down my spine. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world and within an hour he changed me. He made me feel like a dirty high school girl who he couldn't care less about. It hurt so bad to know that I was with him for 3 weeks before this had happened.
I was raped this summer night in 2009 and I will never forget what it took from me.
Thank you for reading this :)
I was 16 years old, and its been 3 years since I was violated by a man. He changed me; who I am, and who I wanted to be. It was a hot summer Saturday. I remember waking up, turning on my radio and dancing around my room. I was so excited about the party I was going to with my boyfriend Josh. Josh was amazing (well I thought he was). He was 19 and a freshman in college.
I knew that tonight was going to be a big night for me. So I took a shower, did my laundry and picked out an outfit to wear for that night. My parents thought I was going to my friend Ashley's house for the night. I was always over there so there wasn't a second thought. My parents took my brothers out for the day and "Ashley" (Josh) came and picked me up around lunch time.
After hanging out at his parents house, it was time to get ready for the party. I put my outfit on. I decided to wear a cute tight black skirt with a tight black shirt, a silver necklace and earrings to match. Underneath I wore a sexy pair of aqua lace boyshorts and a pushup bra to match. I start to do my make up and I go with a dark brown eyeliner and play up a smokey eye shadow with a silver sparkle. I played around with a couple mascaras, a pink color lipgloss and I had my nails done the day before in a silver matalic color (so cute). I have dark brown natural curls so i didn't do anything with my hair just left it loose and playful. I thought I looked great!!! I was feeling really good about the party. I made sure Josh looked great too! In his dark wash hollister jeans and a cute t-shirt.
Its 8pm and time to go. We go down stairs and say bye to Josh's parents and get in the car. We finally get to the party by 8:30 everyone is there! New people and people I know. Josh starts giving me drink by drink and shot after shot. We dance and mingle around for a while and by 11 people are heading home or going off to bed. Josh is talking to me and we are standing with a group of his friends who threw the party. He is telling me that i look hott tonight and that we should go to an after party across the street. So we all walk across the street and hangout watch some scary movies. I was sitting on Josh's lap and another couple were sitting next to us making out. Josh leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. We ended up falling asleep watching the movie.
I woke up to Josh playing with my hair. He grabbed my hand and said "lets go somewhere!" I followed him upstairs to a small bedroom. We laid there talking about friends, us and other things. He started to rub my back as he talked to me about how he wished that we would be together forever. I was laying on my stomach and it felt so good him rubbing my back (we had never had sex or anything together). He started to move further and further down my back until he got to the bottom of my skirt which had been all bunched up. He just looked at me and smiled then slowly moved his hand further up underneath my skirt. I asked what he thought he was doing and he just said "I thought i was allowed I am your boyfriend." I responded by sitting up and saying " I don't think I am ready for this." He told me to stop talking and pushed me back. i yelled at him to stop touching me and he put his hand over my mouth. He then started to take off his jeans. tried to hit him and bite his hand but he was to strong I couldn't get out from underneath him. He got hi pants off and then started to get my panties off. He pushed inside me so hard it hurt so bad. I tried screaming but it wasn't worth it. No one could hear me with his hand over my mouth. I started to cry. I tried to kick him but it didn't work. He was sitting on top of my legs. It felt like it was on fire! I couldn't move or get away. He took his hand off of my mouth and i screamed. He slapped me and it left a bruise. finally after he finished he told me to put my clothes back on. I just sat there on the corner of the bed waiting for someone to walk in and see what had happened. No one walked in. He came over to me I was shaking and crying he reached out his hand and I looked away. I just wanted him to go away. He touched my shoulder and said " I only wanted to show you how much I love you." Then he handed me my underwear. I looked at him straight in the eye and took them from him. I got up and started to walk to the door when he grabbed my hand again but this time it hurt. He pulled me up against him and said " Now you listen you tell anyone that you didn't like it and I will make your life a living hell. Now your going to take my hand and walk back down stairs with me and pretend this never happened got it?" I answered shakily " okay". We went back down stairs and I sat next to him on the couch. I was so upset and shaking he pushed my head on to his chest and put his arm around me. He acted like nothing happened.
I ended the relationship 3 days later by telling him I needed to focus on my school work not on boys. I have never talked to Josh again but I see him all the time and everytime I get chills down my spine. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world and within an hour he changed me. He made me feel like a dirty high school girl who he couldn't care less about. It hurt so bad to know that I was with him for 3 weeks before this had happened.
I was raped this summer night in 2009 and I will never forget what it took from me.
Thank you for reading this :)
By:
AFallenStar
Age:
18-21
,
Female
