Follow-up To Book Assistance Request...

There have been so many brave souls willing to share their experiences and suggestions... I am amazed and humbled!

I have been away from EP for a few weeks now, dealing with some challenges of my own. But I have been writing! As I process all of what has been shared with me, a few questions/ideas have bubbled up. Again, I welcome your input!

1. The role of her teen years boyfriend seems to be morphing somewhat. The original idea that he had been forced to witness her rape has (as several of you predicted!) not fit the evolving story line. I'm rethinking that.

2. A few of you have shared a sense of guilt over what you saw as your body "betraying you" by responding sexually, to one or another extent, during your rape. I was surprised to hear that this ever occurred. I always thought that physiological hardwiring would never be strong enough to prevail in the face of the horrible reality of what was happening. I'm wondering how common this is? Also wondering how common such sexual response might be later, in dream or fantasy. This whole notion was a real surprise.

3. As I mentioned in my first post, the healing process for my character is triggered by a return home for her mother's funeral. She is uncovering art work she produced in response to the rape - pieces that clearly reach across the years and bring back the terror and rage. She also finds work she did prior to the rape. It, too, takes her back, but to her fascination with observing and recreating the peace and beauty of nature. The two visions of her past war with each other. She begins drawing again, as a way to work through it. Is this still seeming like an ok process?

4. During the adult years leading up to her Mom's death, her own sexuality is developing in this sort of manner: She is very much detached from any emotional content, although she does respond physically - up to, but short of, ******. Could this be related to #2 above? Is it realistic?

5. For you, have there been flashes of insight on the road toward healing? ...or more of a long, hard work sort of progress? Have you felt that this journey needed to be taken alone - before you could invest in relationships with others, or did close relationships (romantic or otherwise) play important roles?

I thank you again. You are amazing people!
Sharpie7 Sharpie7
51-55, M
1 Response Dec 2, 2012

Me personally, I still do not trust any man not family other than my boyfriend. My rape was when I was ten so I never had a chance to form any relationship. Relationship means total trust to me and that is what scares most rape victims. They've been violated by people they either trusted or just met and it makes it very difficult for us to trust other people on the level needed for a long-lasting romantic relationship. I personally do feel like my body did betray me by responding but I also pity the bastard that did it to me. I pity him because something turned him into that sick bastard he became and he acted on it. Yes we do respond to sexual acts but it is not always easy for us to finish due to that fear. Healing is also different for everyone. Some resort to self harm, others total alienation from the people around them. It can take years to heal emotionally and mentally so that is a difficult thing to answer. I really depends on the person's support system and their will to survive.

Thank you so very much for these insights. You are very brave! I wish you the best.

Not brave. Only surviving. If I was brave, I would have told my parents when it happened and reported it.

Your willingness to move forward now, and to face the challenge of healing does make you brave!

Thank you. You would be one of the few people that has ever said that to me. Rape isn't something you mention here and you are shunned for it. So thank you so much

If it's any help, I encourage you to read the responses I have received to my posts. Go to my stories and follow those relevant ones. In most cases, I've posted the same stories to multiple forums, and received different responses in each forum. Know that you are not alone.

I know and still...thank you. For not thinking bad of us

You were only 10-years old...a child. You cannot be blamed or held responsible, even by yourself, for not reporting it to your parents. You are as Sharpie says, and were very brave.
I don't know where you are from, but in this country a child, or a woman for that matter, is not thought of as bad for being raped. They are victims of crime, just as you were. I'm very sorry this happened to you, and all the suffering it has caused you since then. May God bless you on the rest of your journey.

Still considered a victim of crime legally but it is extremely difficult to prove anything happened in court so most go unreported. Typically women are branded as easy and willingly for anything. This town is just so small and most everyone is related so we don't want it to get out because it may ruin our future. Thank you for the encouragement though. Means a lot

Yes, small towns can be difficult to live in, unfortunately, and I don't know all your circumstances, but you are welcome, and I wish you the very best in your recovery and healing.

As responses to the Steubenville incident prove, we have a LONG way to go as a society in facing the basic reality of what rape is. When you factor in your age at the time, even the sickest, most misogynistic pig should understand that YOU ARE UTTERLY BLAMELESS!

I understand that logically but it's the emotional and physical that need to catch up. I am happy to say the bastard is in prison for doing the same to three other girls in Arizona so he did get caught at least. It was just the circumstances that made it worse. He lived with my family and I viewed him as a brother up until that point.

As you grow and move forward, your story becomes an inspiration to others. Each of you stands on the shoulders of brave women who came before you. Each of you are the brave shoulders for tomorrow's victims to stand on. Just something for you to think about.

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