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Will I Always Be Like This?

It was almost 10 years ago, it was a weekend with the bestfriend in 3rd grade. who could have known someone so close to you could hurt you in so many ways. needless to say i woke up with no pants on nor did my friend and all i remember seeing was her older brother down in between my legs saying it will be ok just go back to sleep. so i did, didint think anything of it so i did. the next night he did it again but he did have pants on and said it might hurt but it be ok, just dont tell anyone and i did what he said. but my bff woke up and yelled and her mom came in and called the cops on him and he went to jail because she did something about when i couldnt. it had took me tell i was in the 8th grade before i could tell anyone. to this day i cant even lay next to my boyfriend because i have so bad flashbacks to those night and ive been like this since then. i havent talked to anyone about it because i hate it so much, i feel like i could have stoped it but i didnt. i just wish something could help me get over it and stop having these flashbacks so often
darbylee95 darbylee95 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 4, 2013

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I pray your days ahead are full of happiness.

My best friend was rapped and it took me 5 years to get even close to her. I have a ton of rules to fallow too. But she told me having a friend that is willing to do what I do, it helps erase the bad. So if it helps that's what you could do. Get some many great, happy, loving, memories that it could fade out the bad. I really wish you good luck and inner peace with this.

A similar thing happened to me (it didn't get that far), except it was my friend and her older brother ganging up on me. He hasn't suffered any consequences for it that I know of. I was seven, and because of it I developed haphephobia and have never been able to get so far as having a boyfriend. It's great that you've been able to trust him up to this point, so it seems like things will work themselves out!

It's pretty normal to have such childhood flashbacks. Don't worry it's a phase your mind and body will accept it but with time and it won't feel bad, because you will have the answers. The guy (culprit) deserved much worse than just being sent to prison, he should have been flogged in public. Of course, there are short cuts to forgetting things or letting go, but the short cut will eventually return to haunt you later on in life, so it's better to let it pass on by itself. Please don't go for anti-depressants.