Help Never Came

Here's a little bit about me and my story, when I was four my parents had gotten a divorce so I had to live with my grandparents, well that was a bad move because while I was there my grandfather was molesting me, my brother, and my two cousins. We tried to tell my grandmom and my aunt but nobody listened! So later on I moved back with my dad at age 7. He met a woman named Tammy. So it was just the 3 of us. Things were great until I started getting older :/ I would notice my dad watching me when I came out the shower and smiling, he would sometimes even open the door to peek at me! When I was about 11 he came in when it was time to say bedtime prayers and he started rubbing my thigh I told him to stop or I would tell Tammy and he started to beat me. I told him I wouldn't tell. So at about age 12 I was in bed and he came in and started kissing me I had to fight him off of me and he was really strong. ( especially when he was high or drunk!) then when I asked for help from a counselor she ignored my cry for help! So I started cutting! Everywhere and with anything! I didn't care. Not soon after my 13 th birthday he came in my room when Tammy was gone And he raped me... Over and over again! I begged for him to stop but he wouldn't. It was hopeless. I tried to tell me counselor again and she called the child abuse people to investigate but when they came my dad made me look like a liar and like I wAnted attention and before she left she talked to me alone and she saw my bruises and all my cuts and scars and sent me to a behavioral hospital.. That's it. They didnt care! Nobody did.. It was a lost cause. He raped me for 4 1/2 years! I even got pregnant 3 times but had 2 miscarriages and 1 abortion.. I couldn't have a baby tht was my dads. No matter who I told no matter what I told them they wouldn't help!! I cut so much. I went to the hospital so many times for suicidal attempts but I'm still here.... I haven't cut so much lately because I have moved out but I still struggle with it everyday.. I always want to but in the house I'm living in I'm unable to cut. She said if I cut I most leave and I really don't want to leave although I have cut without her knowing before!! Idk sorry for talking so much just lost nobody helped nobody cared I always thought death would be beautiful but satan ways just laughed at me! I give up with it all