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I Need Help.

I think i was around 7 when this all started, before this, i was a fun, loving, out going little girl, i had tons of friends and i always had a smile on my face. But i can't remember how or why this all happened, or how i even thought it was okay. my older sister used to make me do stuff to her, im so ashamed. I cant remember details of it happening, actually i cant remember much of my childhood. I remember it all stopped when i was around 10? I hate thinking of my childhood, i hate seeing kids. i hate myself. everytime i see her, i just want to tell her how much i hate her. She has a family and 3 kids now, shes moved on with her life like nothing ever happened. This whole experience has made my life a living hell. Since it was a female and my sister who did this, i feel like it was all my fault, that i am a worthless person, that im disgusting. that with this past, that i cant be the girl that i was meant to grow up to be. I have no idea how to move on with my life.
ifuckedupp ifuckedupp 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 2, 2013

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what did your sister do?

Well doing the first which is reaching out to someone to talk to that's a good step to move on with your life.

" i feel like it was all my fault, that i am a worthless person, that im disgusting. "
I thought I was to blame for what my dad decided to do to me, that I was worthless, disgusting, needed to die.
I was wrong.
You are not to blame for what was done to you.

...It's not an excuse, but chances are someone abused her.

It's not your fault at all she was older she should of known better!

Goshh.m really sorry fr wt happened to u.bt unless and until u accept dat it wasnt ur fault and dat ur sister is a pervert u wont b able to move forward..

You are beautiful, one. What happend does not define you, two. Forgive her, three. I am so sorry that you feel like this. But you need to forgive, not forget, learn to live with it in peace.

That's easy to say for an outsider... Forgiveness isn't some on/off button, it has conditions.
The rest is reasonable advice, but about forgiveness: look for the conditions first, thinking "I should forgive her" only creates more negativity, we know you can't just forgive someone who harmed you like that.
Some people will never forgive, but we can try to cope, to rise above what happened and seeing our abusers for what they are: pathetic people.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, I know how it feels to see your abusers just get away with it and go on with life like nothing happened.
Forgiveness won't cut it, but rising above it can, I hope you will be able to do that one day, because you're worth it, worth happiness.