Life After?

I am a wife and a mother to 5 great kids. To avoid daycare costs my husband worked days for a distribution company and I worked nights at a gas station about 15 minutes from home.  There was many people to come in to my work.. some said hello and some just passed through.. There was a man and his family who came in about everyday, they had 4 children and seemed to be a all american family. I also knew his cousin who was a customer also.. She was nice and i seemed to kinda make friends with her. We had talked about getting our nails done or going to lunch sometime.

My husband and i were having problems, Due to working all kinds of crazy hours the both of us had grown apart. We hardly saw eachother. We had a bit of a out and he tooks the kids to his brothers thats about 2 hours away.

I had went to work like i always did and thee girl who i had made friends with had came in. She could see that i was sad and something was going on. I told her it was my husband and I Having problems. I told her to call me and she said when do you get off work, Maybe i could stop by and say hi to you! I said at 10:00. And she left. I knew she had to call first biengs that she didnt even know where i live. I worked through out the day and everything was pretty much the same as it usaully was.

I got off work about 10:05pm and went to my car and drove home. When i got there i went in locked the door and went for the phone to call my husband and let him know i was home and wanted him to come back so we could talk. Then someone knocked on the door. I stupidly answered it. It was him. He was standing there with a blank look on his face. I kinda got goose bumps and didnt understand the reson he was at my house. I said wheres your cousin. He replied that she would be here in a few minutes. I said she doesnt know where i live and HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE?? he said that he had to work by my house one time and saw my car in the driveway.  He came in and sat on the couch. I left the front door opeon and sat on the opposite couch. He was talking about applying for a new job that had better pay and i kept looking at the front door.. Some how i got the feeling that no one else was coming. I said well i am really tired and need to go to bed. He said ok.. Got off the couch and walked to the door. Then he turned around and with his arm behind him he closed the door. I said Serously i need to go to bed. Tell your cousin to come by tomorow at my work. He walked closer to me and appeared to be trying to give me a hug. I backed up and said you need to leave. He said I am I am...!! He didn't leave though. He grabbed my arm and was twisting it so hard i was starting to cry. I yelled and screamed at him to scare him off.. He only grabbed me harder... Then I tryed to go grab the phone that was in between my livingrom anf kitchen. He pushed the phone over off the counter. I tryed to get to the front door, He chased me to the door and grabbed me at my waist and threw me on the couch. I was struggling so hard but he wasnt letting me go. He was on top of me. I was on my back. He was trying to kiss me and was talking but i was screaming and couldnt hear what he was saying.

IT seemed like a lifetime... I pushed and elbowed him.. i even bit him.. Nothing was working to get him off me.. He then ripped my pants and turned me over.. I elbowed him in his face... So he punched me over and over again. I was so muchin shock that it didnt really hurt. He hit me on the back of my head and i thaught i felt like i was going to pass out.. I tryed to just live.. The more i struggled the more he assaulted me. He then raped me from behind.. I just cryed and cryed. I thaught he was going to kill me. FINALLY he stopped..i was laying face first on the couch.. He pushed me on the floor and he stomped really hard on my back... I sat up and was crying aloud.  I had blood coming from my private area and was in pain. All i could think of was trying to get help. But he is still standing in my livingroom. I was so scared i couldnt talk aymore.. Just crying outloud. he was laughing .. staring right threw me and laughing like a monster..

He said NOTHING.. he walked outside and left the door opeon. I waited a second to make sure he was really gone and moved towards the door to close it.. I closed the door and locked it... I went to the back door and made sure it was locked.. I went to the bathroom .. I had blood running down my legs and blood coming from my nose. I got a towel and walked back to the livingroom to get the phone... I picked it up but couldnt call anyone.. I didnt know what to say.. what to do.. i sat all night in the doorway of my livingroom and my bedroom with the phone....  

Thee only thing i would have done different if i had the chance would be to use that phone and get help...

We moved just a couple days later... TO get out of that house where this all happened.. and have since moved a few times to try and forget what happened.. I have now in 2007 relized that i will NEVER forget!!

I live this nightmare over and over again... My husband and i have sorted through our issues and are slowely working on them.. But this nightmare has caused so much pain, grief, nightmares and has taken possestion of my soul... My bieng... I am not the same nor do i see myself EVER bieng the way i was...

lifeafter lifeafter
26-30, F
9 Responses Jun 1, 2007

That is terrible you should tell someone i promise you will feel better after

I hope ur okay i get what u are feeling I got raped at the age of 7 to 9 nearly every night of someone I trusted and lived with ill never forget it I have alot of respect for u I wish I told someone soon I have a lot of support and respect for people who have been raped I wish u the best, it is HORRIBLE what u have been through xxx

That is very HORRIBLE! I am glad you moved and that you and your husband are working through your issues.

I was raped, When i was six, By a neighbor i trusted, Im practically twelve now, I wasnt the only person he'd done it two, He was close friend to the family, But your rape sounds extremely, Horrible, Plus with a stranger, But i hope your okay, And to all the other rape victims aswell, I hope your pulling through okay, I Havent told my mum he'd raped me not even now, He went down for molesting me, Its like being trapped, And somtimes i remember it , And i just feel as if, Im stuck in a hellish nightmare , This stuff has caused me to self harm and , Practically to be called 'EMO'' But im getting over, It the recovery is slow, And painful but i think, Its best not to put my mum through more, That whats shes going through which is ,I think Terminal cancer.

Do not veil your nightmare, do not hide the wound. The best choice is to tell it, either to your mom or to the counselor at school. And you also can call Rape, Abuse and ****** national network, 1.800.656.HOPE (it is anonymous) or visit their site Tell them and ask for advice, they are very helpful indeed.

This sort of thing recently happened to me. Friend of my families for years. I worked to help him clean his house for 2 years. He molested me. I didnt know what to do at the time. Im so thankful to God that this guy didnt rape me.

Hope you reported him

It slowly, slowly gets better. It was a year and a half ago for me: I was still active in my addiction, and felt so much shame due to that fact that I didn't report it. I went to the ER a week later due to an STD, fortunately treatable. The rape took two hours, and included every available orifice. I stopped screaming to stop the blows. He finally fell asleep, and when he was out cold, I slowly, slowly moved away from his grip and then carefully walked to the door, and then I ran like hell. I called my ex-husband and begged him to come and get me. He did, thank God. It took some time for me to tell him what had happened, and his outrage on my behalf helped me to understand that this was wrong, that I hadn't deserved it.<br />
It still haunts me, but not like it did at first. I try to focus on the fact that it is getting better, rather than bust on myself for how affected I still am. I can't take a shower: I have to wash my hair and bathe seperately, it leaves me less vulnerable. I still awake at every sound. In the past year and a half, I have spent a grand total of two nights with a man, and I will say that I slept better for the warm body next to mine. <br />
There is hope of healing for all of us, darlin'. Don't give up. It is better than it was at first, and probably better than it was a year ago. No, you won't ever forget it: but you will find healing, a little bit at a time, until you are at peace. I speak from my experience as an ****** survivor who made my peace as an adult and was brought incredible healing with my father. A few years before he died, I decided to give him another chance after a ten-year silence...and he had changed. He had become a man that I could respect, and trust, and even love. He spent his last two years making what amends he could to his children by his actions. I was grateful to be with him when he died, he had a beautiful death. So miracles can happen, healing can happen. I have hope for all of us.

I think the reason you say you will never forget and can't move on with your life, is because you are still the same person now as you were then. So your subconscious mind says basically, ''what is there to stop the thing from happening again?'' Make a conscious minded effort to change yourself into a strong woman, I mean physically strong. Take self-defense classes, become a black belt even. Do it. Know that it will never happen again, know it deep in your subconscious self with every fiber of your being. Good luck

Having not experienced this, I don't have all that much to say, but I felt compelled to comment. Thank you for sharing this, I know how hard it must've been to 'relive' what happened within your mind once more, even if it's been haunting you ever since. Hopefully, writing it out like this, will help, if only a little.

Damn I am sorry for what happened to you, reading your story actually made me feel scared, i can't imagine how u must have felt, i was raped also, but everyone's rape is different but withtwo things in common. It was NOT our fault, and in my opinion i don't think you can go through a rape and ever be the same person you were before. i am so glad that you and your husband are working things through, u probably already know, but i'll say it anyway, you are one STRONG woman!! All any of us can do, is find a way to LIVE through the rape and thank God you did!! These men are ALL monsters and i would love ANY man who RAPES ANYONE, to be RAPED by someone. It makes me sick!! I seriously don't know what else to say, except thank you for sharing your story!!

I was raped when I was 16 yrs old by a relative a cousin to be exact. The type of rape you experienced I think is more traumatizing since the guy was practically a stranger and the rape was more violent then what I went through. There are women on this site who can better relate to this type of attack. Have you ever had any counseling since this happened to you? I am so sorry you had to go through something so horrible. My incident left me feeling guilty like I could of done more to stop it. I carried that guilt around for many years. I was visiting this cousin with my family and we were in another State when it happened. I told my mom and she seemed to chalk it up to kissing cousins or like maybe I wanted it to happen. I don't think she fully realized that he forced himself on me. She had a cousin that had a crush on her at that age and I really think she thought there was nothing to it. So I never brought it up again to her or to anyone in the family.