Self Diagnosis

At the young age of 8 I was formally introduced to my biological father. I visited him occasionally because my mother wanted to ease me into a relationship with him and his family I never had met.  He was a heavy middle weight boxer/ Truck driver during his spare time which left him with a busy schedule and me had hardly no time with me. I didn't complain though, this was my big chance to actually me my dad and get to know him better then what my mom hard expressed to about how he was as an individual. We would do things on the weekends and have talks but it was never a sealed deal for me to refer to him as dad!!! He had two older sons at the time and that excited me b/c at the time my mom only had girls so having big brothers I felt would be nice. The first time I ever was allowed to stay over to my dads it was fun i can't recall what we did but I know that I was tired afterwards. My two brothers and myself slept in bunck problems right?....wrong in the wee hours of the morning the younger of he two began running his fingers up my legs and stuff....I didn't say anything it was foreign to me i was in shock I guess. He eventually stopped and nothing was every said about it.
I never spent a night over there again b/c of a disagreement between my parents. However I continued to see my dad. And In the summer of my sixth grade year I was allowed to stay with him. It never crossed my mind that what happen to me years ago would surface and turn into a very traumatic experience that would leave me scarred for life. My dad, his wife and their two sons were moving into a new house and I would be joining them. They had been somewhat nice to me every since the day i met them. But when I moved in with the they made it perfectly clear where I stood. I was not their sister and they didn't look at me as one. The first night was ok the beds weren't delivered yet so we slept on the couch while they slept up stairs. i was woken up by moaning and when i turned around to look at what it was the TV showed to individuals having sex. At this time I was the younger was 16, and the other was 18. I thought it was disgusting so I left the room went into the other room and laid down( made a powlet on the floor). He came in afterwards and made one as well. I was uncomfortable but didn't say anything. I started to play with this flashlight he took it from me I got mad and tried to get it back but instead I was left holding something else. I didn't know what it was but I knew it wasn't right so i let go and turned the opposite way, I even got up and moved. I then went to sleep but was woken up by someone being on top of me saying don't say nothing. He put a pillow over my heard and then shoved something hard into me. I didn't know what to do it hurt so bad and I couldn't breath. No one had ever told me that something like this could ever happen to me. The whole time I closed my eyes and didn't think about it. When he was done he went back to his powlet and left me. I began  began crying, when I awoke the next day my bed had blood in it i didn't know what it was. I covered it up ran to the bathroom and looked in my underwear....I cried ,then got ready for summer camp as if nothing had happen. I took a bath, stuffed my underwear with tissue paper and changed my sheets.This was just the beginning of my torture it lasted for 3 years, I was always attacked in my sleep. I finally told my mother. Since this traumatic experience I have developed a condition known as sexsomnia that enables me to have sex in my sleep without even knowing it, and having no recollection. It is embarrassing and is something that bothers me a lot b/c someone can easily take advantage of me again.
SAlexander0034 SAlexander0034
18-21, F
Jul 29, 2010