My Story...

I have been raped a few times in my past, and I have been molested by two members in my family.

 

 

I was raped on two differet occaisions, the 1st time I was raped, I was at a party that I wasn't suppose to be at, that my mom and dad said I couldn't go to, if I had listened to them, than a lot of things wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't have met that monster that took so much from me. If I had listen to my mom and dad, I wouldn't even had been there.

 

Then 2nd time I was raped, it was by someone who I really trusted, and who I thought would never hurt me. Maybe it wasn't rape, a lot of my friends, who were friends with him said, i was asking for it, that I was a tease, and a Huge flirt, and that it was what I wanted, and he was only giving me what I wanted. Till this day I blame myself for being the flirt, and the tease.

 

I was also molested by my father and an uncle. My father molested me for years, and my uncle molested me for a summer, when he use to babysit me.

 

I blame myself for all of it, for not fighting back, for not beign a better daughter, girlfriend, stranger, for not being stronger. For not being where I was not suppose to be. For not just doing things different, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. For not listening to my parents, when they told me not to go somewhere. I am still dealing with that punishment from not listening to my parents.

 

I am still trying to deal with all that has happened to me, some nights its easy, sometimes it just hits me that there was nothing i could have done, but tonight, the night that I write it, I feel terrible, I feel like its all my fault, and I just could have done more.

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26-30
3 Responses Jul 9, 2010

fOr godsake! but hony,dont give up! you must go on and live happy...hug for you babe!!!

I am sorry that you had to go through that. But you have to draw a line. Sure, maybe you shouldn't have been at that party. but you know what I have come to the realization. You could be walking around naked with a sign that says f--- me now. But MEN have the choice to act on it. You father and Uncle knew better. That guy that raped you the second time DID NOT have to do anything to you no matter what you did. It's about MEN and the way they can control their selves. so you take that and think about it. Don't be mad, angry, sad or ashamed at anything YOU did. <br />
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It's time for men to take responsiblity for their ACTIONS. You just try to find the beauty, strength and wisdom in you and dont give them any credance to what they did wrong. speaking from experince, you give them too much and life slips away from you. After i was raped the first time which I was a virgin, i couldn't let a man touch me for almost 11 years. I was raped at 20 and I was 31 when i was ready to try sex. now i am getting to the point if I want to have a family- Kids and a husband, my time is running out. All because I gave too much power over to this low life.<br />
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At a point in life, you have to get angry and determined and take your life back. I tried to kill myself and I didn't die. So i know that God left me here for a reason. I hope it means that I am meant to be a mommy of a beautiful child. But I guess time will tell. Stay strong and if you want to talk, you know where to find me. God Bless!!! Hugs!<br />
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writergirl32

holy jesus. reading these strories makes me hate men so much