Boulder, Co

I was 19, just moved into a community apartment. Shared Kitchen, Laundry room, dining area, living area with a t.v and books, and shared bathrooms between your neighbor and you. You paid monthly and lived that way. I had a roomate mn. Was a guy we shared a bed and occasionally kisses. But we were clearly no more than friends.

October 25th 07 I invited my cousin and his friend, my roomate and his two girls (for the evening). J and his brother in law over to drink. We smoked pot also..  J brought a bottle of flavored Vodka over and I downed that ****. And with about 10 beers, as I can remember. I couldn't see, I was awake and sleeping at the same time. I was the drunkest I have ever been.

I blacked out and woke up naked in a ambluance. Crying and shaking, fearing what did I do, Cursing my mind. Not remembering a thing. Voices were blurred I  had to blow on a acohol device. Someone said I was almost dead. I asked why and they said D you were r a p e d My mind didn't understand. I closed my eyes and it all came back...

My Cousin and his friend left,
everyone disappeared but J and I
it was dark then light then we were naked in the dark again
blink were on the porch smoking a ciggarette
then he lead my hand to the bed and up and down and then it all went dark
I hit my head on the nearly cement flooring hard carpet
I remember closing my eyes and hearing nothing I remember slowly falling
slow motion was my mind

They said they found my naked on the floor covered up and brusied with a scratch down my lower back
I was not awake and they thought I was dead. They covered my face as I  was carried down the stairs
on first floor was 10 cops and 3 firefighters cars all surrounded
people gasping and crying

I thought I died in the moment I crashed into the ground

It's my worst nightmare, and in my head it's far from over.

replaying and replaying
running and running away but fearing it all again

he gets out of his 5 year prision sentence in less than 3 years and I'm so afraid.

MsBlueEyes88 MsBlueEyes88
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 30, 2010

im sorry for wat u went tru but i know how it feels to be hopeless. i been tru that before but thank god i never got raped. im here for u my myspace and facebook is and my yahoo is

I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing this. I can't say I understand because truth is I don't but what I can tell you is that life gets better. My sister was repeatedly raped by her uncle for almost 4 years. When she turned 15 she finally spoke up. Her life is better now. She didn't press charges, she just decided to diminish him from her life. I hope things get better for you as well. May God bless <3