Didn't Even Know The Word.(a Little Pg But No Details.)

I was so little, just six years old, when I stumbled into my cousins room. She was thirteen at the time and was sitting on her bed with a doll. I sat next to her and asked what she was doing, so she showed me. I didn't understand it but she threatened to never see me again if I told anyone what she had done. I was scared because no one at school liked me and she was the only person that hung out after school with me, so I never told anyone.

Until she was sixteen and I was nine the rape continued. I was just starting to understand what she was doing though. One day she took me in her crowded basement and told me she wanted to 'role-play'. I didn't know what it was so she explained. I was to be the boy she ran across in school and she was going to be a cheerleader. I didn't want to play. In the middle of it all, her mom walked in and I didn't see her for years afterwords.

When I was thirteen, my grandpa showed up and took her and me out to dinner. We didn't look our communicate to each other. I had kept out secret all those years and she did too. I broke down after seeing her that time and cried continuously for a long period of time. I tried killing myself on different occasions with different methods to get the picture of her out of my head.

Eventually I ended up telling a friend who gave me the comfort and confidence to confront my mom. In a car ride downtown I let it out and she didn't say anything the whole time. Before getting out though she turned to me and said 'Don't you EVER tell anyone this EVER again.' So I haven't. My siblings are clueless and I suffer with the trauma still. Her wedding is coming up in six days and my mom wants me to attend. I can't and don't want to. For goodness sake, I didn't even know the word sex when she started 'playing' with me! Its understandable for me not to want to go but my mom and I have such a ruined relationship I don't know if I can afford not going.  I'm so torn with this issue.
krunkenstein krunkenstein
1 Response Aug 6, 2010

well she did wrong for doing that to u but shes trying to move on too.hse bout to get married. that probably hunts her everyday of her life. she probably regrets. you were the victim but sorry atleast it wasent a man or boy. i said u should forget and try to move on. im sorry for wat u went tru but i know how it feels to be hopeless. i been tru that before but thank god i never got raped. im here for u my myspace and facebook is veronica_aidamil14@yahoo.com and my yahoo is veronica_aidamil@yahoo.com