Its Very Hard Even Now To Talk Or Write About It

My story is rather simple and perhaps far from rare, I was a 12 yo school boy in a catholic school when a brother (`Christian' brother) wanted be to tell him who had done some misdeed or other. I did not tell him and yep the good christian he was raped me - twice. I could not tell anyone then and did not do so for many years. To make it all the more tramatic I am TS so that mad eme wonder if at some level I had been looking for it. I know now that that's b`**** but at the time and no one to tell thats just what you mind will do. For a few years afterwards I was frankly a nut case, always getting into fights, drinking booze early and lot of it.

Paula
subpaulagirl subpaulagirl
41-45
4 Responses Aug 9, 2010

mama i did not know this when i read this i was so angry and i still am i'm so sorry for this and I'm so glad you survived to be the special friend that you have become for me and i wish this man were somewhere within 50 miles of me i cant afford to go much farther from home than that cause i would visit this man and he'd regret the day that he was born and he would not have to wait for the afterlife to recieve payment in full for his foulness i mean this with all my heart i wish i could have him for just 15 minutes just 15 minutes would be all i needed

Hi IzaWonderWoman thank you for your words, its hard to type this as there are so many tears flowing. I have no idea what I would do if I met the prep (oh god what a nice sweet word that is) The truth is that we never fully get over it. Thank you once again for your words, they really do help<br />
<br />
Paula

Thank you for your kind reply. I am over the `I blame myself' etc etc I know now it was not my fault nor diid I deserve it. I know that never the less I need help. Once again thank you. It was harder to write about this that being TS

None of what occurred was your fault. If possible seek help by way of assistance available to talk to a therapist. Some organizations offer free or no fee services for those who cannot pay. <br />
The human mind works in mysterious ways to protect itself when confronted with trauma both physical and mental. It goes into self preservation mode which will vary upon the circumstances and other variables. <br />
Blocking memories, anger, addictions can be just a few. <br />
I hope you seek help. It will not be an easy journey but one, when dealt with properly will allow you a better quality of life you so deserve. My best wishes and thoughts are with you. <br />
:)paco35