Girls Story..My life has been like a roller coaster that will never end, i have been abused, to sexually abused, to mentally abused, to not caring what anyone says or thinks about me.
As a young newborn i really never knew my biological dad until i was 3 years old than he stepped into my life, he has always disowned me, and said i was not his child, growing up i had a very difficult life my mother and father were never married and they had 3 children, my 2 sisters and i. we constantly went back and forth to my mom and my dad cause they split up. About the age When i was 6 to 13 i was raped by a uncle of mine for 7 years, he abused me and took complete advantage of me and told me if i told anyone that he was gonna hurt me... every day my mom would go to card games and take my sisters with her and never me, when i asked her she replied "no theres not enough room" so i stayed with my uncle, his wife and my cusion (which was like a sister to me) every night at 12 when everyone was sleeping he would wake me up by taking my clothes off...and doing it to me, i cant really say much but all i did was cry, i didnt know better, i thought i deserved it....
Around the age of 10 i remembered tellin my mom and his wife that "Uncle was abusing me and touching my privates at night" they both called me a liar and said "he would never hurt you, he loves u to much" well by that time i was so scared to tell anyone else....and i saw my uncle walking out of the house and my aunt said something to him and when they left for a card game he dragged me into the house, slammed the door and threating to take my life if i told anyone else and that i was lucky they didnt believe me...i started to cry and the rape at that point got worse, he would beat me when he would do it even if i made a little noise, or if i cried, he would hit me, punch me, slap me... and every day for 3 years after that he kept raping me, cause he babysat me all the time....finally at age 13 i went to go live with my father and step mother i told her and she had reported it, later on i had got asked questions, the day i had to get questioned by the investagaters was a day my grandmother (like a mother) went into the hospital because she was going to get a heart by pass, we waited for hours when she was in surgery, and i remember the doctor coming out and said she made it through surgery BUT, her heart stopped, and all i could do was kneel on the ground and say "WHY ME?" he took us back to the room where she was and i screamed, and cried and hit the doctors asking them "why did u let her die?" i knew it wasnt really there fault but i was hurt and needed someone to blame, my father asked me to give my grandmother a kiss on her forehead for my sisters and i couldnt...she was so cold and i knew she was better off than being in pain...i just couldnt say goodbye...finally we went home and days later i started cutting myself, i couldnt deal with anything.
I didnt want to eat, didnt want to sleep, just wanted my pain to go away so i would cut my thighs and my upper arms so no one saw the scars... finally we had to go to court against my uncle, if that wasnt bad enough he kept claiming how he was innocent, well than came the day the jury found him GUILTY! he is in jail from this day, his sentence was 5-15 years in jail my mom alo got put in jail for 2 years for child endangerment, So i went home, and i was still depressed about my grandmother i still repeatedly cutt myself over and over again, i than went to many mental institutions and got put back in them cause i had a really bad cutting issue, after the 3rd time i got out the mental instituion my step mom and my dad split up and i decided to go live with her, everything went well until one day she made me do weed, and that night one of her druggie friends raped me in the back of a car and has been stalking me, But i havent seen or heard from him since i moved out of that state, i never reported him because i didnt want to have to go through that whole process all over again, and it just seemed easier to let it go.
I went to counselor for awhile, and they never seemed to help me always said "your problems are to big for me?" so i stopped doing that, i than started writing a journal to get my mind off cutting...it was a daily journal i wrote in didnt matter if it was good or bad just how my day went, well later on someone ended up finding it, and told me about it, and i never wrote in a book again. i began just talking to 1 close friend of mine that went through same thing like me, we would write poems and songs together every time we got to see each other, she was like a sister to me, we would talk for hours, and one day things seemed awkward she was acting weird, i said "hey whats wrong?" well to come to find out her mom was really controlling and didnt like her talking to me, and from that day her and i havent spoke its been about 2 years now..i lost the only friend i could really relate too.
After that i was in high school about my junior yr i dated a guy for about 8 months and he kept cheating on me, yelling at me, bossing me around, neglecting me pretty much, he raped me to, i never said he could touch me i didnt want to be sexual and one day i was over at his house napping he took advantage of me, i still feel ashamed and embarrassed... finally i told him i had enough of the hitting, mental, and physical abuse and i ended the relationship. From him i stayed single for awhile, "fell in love" with a guy we dated things were going great never better...
And one day we were together about 2 years at that point and i was trying to get pregnant and finally i was getting some symptoms i took 5 pregnancy tests and i was deffiently pregnant, i told him and he was worried he didnt want to be a father at 19, but i wanted to be a mother at 19...so during y pregnancy i had my moods, everyone does, i craved some weird stuff, but i found out i was having twins (not sure what the sex was) just knew i was having twins, well from there he started being verbally mean, and became physically abusive, raising his fist at me all the time started hitting my stomache and one night he chocked me in my sleep, he claims he was asleep when he did it, but i havent believed it...so i ended up miscarrying the one twin, and i ended up going into labor 9 days before i was due, the induced me and everything. i had my beautiful son.
later on after a few months he was born i got a job i needed to get money so i could afford for this child, and his father did have a job but got fired, he would never help out, always yelling at this point i been with him till my son turned 1 yrs old about (3 years him and i was together) i finally said i had enough of his crap, him treating me like a rug just steppin on me, and i took my son and left. since than ive been in a great relationship with a wonderful man who doesnt disrespect me or mistreats me, he is there for me through thick and thin and i have told him everything that i have been through...i can say i am a survivor.
You are NOT alone if your a survivor and it was NOT your fault it took me years to realise that and i went through times of hating how i looked, hating how dirty i felt, but things take time to get over and eventually my whole life has changed, and it took myself to realise what i was putting myself through, it wasnt just me i had to take care of i had a son now that needs me more than anything. From this day i can proudly say ive been free from cutting for 4 years exactly. I have overcome all the negative into positive, and for anyone reading this just know that you arent alone and there will be a time in your life where you WILL overcome it all.. here is a poem that goes along with my story, please enjoy and remember you arent alone and you will survive through the bad times!!
rape: A girl's story
A child torn away from her innocense
******** of her life
Throw all to fast into a world of self-doubt and lies,
Think it's all over, guess again
Someone's onto her again
Looking her up and down
Until he's got her alone
Think that it's over
Well, think again
Everday is another scare
Everday is another tear
In this world she's been forced into
She can't fight alone
She has tried and tried
And time after time she's thrown aside
Soon she relizes she is trapped
In this world of depression, suicide and illegal sex!
end) yes i was that girl....