I Was Raped By A Coworker

I had to work with him on this project that we were asigned.
At first it was only at work but than he said we need to wok fast on this so we decided to go to eachothers house to finish quicker, now I was practicly new at that job(3.5 months) I was the newbie right off college, he was an employee there for 3 yrs.
So he said lets go to your place cuz theyre remodeling his apt. so im like ok sure.
He came by around 6pm with take out we started working,
So when we were eating we started talking and told me about himself how he was in a relationship with his gf for 2 years how she dumped him and he was really sad and all that and I was telling him it wasnt the end of the world. And than he asked me if I found him good looking I was like sure yeah (a bit weirded out, cause i didnt know the guy)
Than I told him that there were other people out there, and than he said people like you.
And I looked at him like what.. nooo :D and just brushed it off with a smile.
And than quickly changed subjects cause it was getting really akward, now he wasnt bad looking and he was practicly 3 years older than me but I didnt like those work relationships kind and I already was seeing someone so yeah no.

When I told him we should wrap things up on the project his facial expression quickly changed, like i denied him or something idk.
So i get up to take the food carts in the trash in my kitchen when he comes up from behind me, he tells me that nobody ever denied him and he knows Im into him.. im like youre not funny and i turned around to face him when he grabs me from the back of my neck to really face him, than he started kissing me, when he lost his grip I pushed him off and told him its time for him to leave.
But he didnt care thats when i got really scared he comes to me and he grabs me by my hair and literally drags me while im begging him not to hurt me and begging him to leave that i wasnt going to tell anyone, i kept screaming so he hits me on my face really hard and pushes me on the couch he tells me that nobody ever denied him and i wasnt going to be the first, he rips my shirt while holding me down with his other hand and than he reached my pants and I tried to hold onto those but he was far to strong so he rips the buttons and takes them off, and than he hits me two more times, and I was really weak, i cant explain really like it was hard for me to lift my head because he punched me in the back of my neck. He had me on my stomach on the couch when i heard him taking off his belt and than his clothes when he rapes me, I screamed because it hurt so much and i was crying, and I made wounds on the palm of my hands with my nails cause i kept rolling them in fists the whole time, cause i was in so much pain.
There was a moment when i regained my strenght and he was losing grip, so i climbed down from the couch and he doesnt even care he goes on the floor with me and pushes my head onto the cold floor, i really couldnt count how long he was raping me, but than he stopped  and I thought he was leaving when he lifts my head by my hair and asks me where my room is, when i denied to tell him he hits my head agains the floor so i tell him and he throws me on his shoulders, goes to my room and closes the door behind me, I remember looking at the door and thinking how white it was, and than he threw me on my bed ,all the time me begging him to stop
He went on until 5 am (i saw it on my clock), he fell asleep next to me and  he didnt leave until a couple hours later, around 8am (when my alarm went off).
I stayed quiet the whole time he was sleeping next to me, like i was in shock, i didnt move or make a sound.
He woke up I felt him looking at me and he took a shower. before he left he got dressed and my guess is he went to work.
Before he left he told me while making me face him, if i ever told anyone he would kill me, and there was this look on his face that was really scary like he really ment it.
He grabbed me by my neck that was really bruised and he started making out with me on my bruised lip.
He told me that i wasnt going to work today (friday) that he was telling them that i was sick and he better see me on monday at work.
I took a long shower, cleaned myself up and went to the phone when i saw his face in my mind i put the phone down, and started to cry.
The whole weekend I layed in bed, didnt pick up the phone or answered the door. I was in  pain and I really was ashamed, i had the feeling like i did something wrong and had to hide myself from the world.

I went to work on monday and he pretended like nothing happened. now I still see him ALL the time.
Its been 2 months and I never told anybody because I really am scared, i cant aford to quit my job and im scared if i do he will hurt me. I live pretty much in fear that he'll come to my apt and hurt me again.
I broke up with my boyfriend because i couldnt handle it, my life just is going downhill, and I now found out that i have to do a group project with him we're like 4 and he's in my group, when they do groups they really dont care whos in they just put you in one but im sure he told them he wanted to be in my group. i dont know what im gonna do, but im gonna make sure i dont stay alone with him in a room.
I wanted to let this out, feel like a weights been lifted.
Im sorry this was long.
onlyme88 onlyme88
22-25, F
9 Responses Jun 5, 2011

I was involved in a similar case it took a long time for me to speak up because of fear of judgement and people telling me I was wrong. At my college campus I visited the health center where I met an amazing counselor she taught me that I am stronger because of what happened. The rape did not weaken me. It was not my fault no matter what. Tell yourself that the moment the thoughts pop I. Your head. "It's not my fault" he has issues not me! Positive affirmations helped me a lot. I am strong. I am beautiful. I have so much to live for. I can get through anything. The depth of my pain and scars makes the strength of my love especially for myself. Workout. Go on a mini vacay. Bake yourself a chocolate m cake and report that sorry son on a B! It's your freedom and right that people have fought for for you to be able to speak up!!! You can do it!! I believe in you!!! Now do you believe In you?? My heart goes out for you! Peace and love and some sunshine too!

I am so sorry you went through such a traumatizing experience. I hope that you are taking care of yourself. Please talk to someone, anyone who will listen and let them know what happened to you. The more you talk about it the more relief you will feel. Maybe you can go to counseling, there are a lot of free resources available.

The rainn website also has a 24 hour hotline if you ever need to talk to someone www.rainn.org.

I know it may be very hard but you can always report the assault to the police. Abuse functions and thrives on silence so please break that silence. It is his burden to bear, not yours. If you feel intimidated by him, or he threatens you, record the incident and report any harassment to the police as well as the human resources department where you work. You deserve respect, love, and care.

I am so sorry. Rape isn't about sex it's about power. By not telling someone what he did your giving him the power.By not telling anyone your making him think that he can control you.You Have to stand up for yourself.

In total agreement with Suesinglemom on this one.<br />
<br />
I hope the Police help you!<br />
<br />
I'm so sorry you are going through this!<br />
I totally understand the terror, shame, and all the horrid emotions you are feeling right now!<br />
<br />
This wasn't your fault!!!!

I know I need help and cant live with this much longer, its horrible. but i wish more to stop seeing him, in my nightmares, at work everywhere i look he's there, its so messed up.<br />
I wanna go to counseling I just dont know what to do, but i could never tell the police, i dont think they'll believe me after 2 months. I barely had the courage to write it down here, after reading some stories about people who went thru the same thing I got the courage.<br />
Myaybe im gonna quit my job and just move far away I dont care anymore, i just wish it would stop.<br />
I saw him today and he told me he'd see me later (cause we're working together again with 2 other people) it was so scary i felt a rush of fear go thru me, and I felt like starting to cry.<br />
thanks for all the support, and @dreammmer Im sorry that youve been thinking about this all day, can you imagine me? every second for the last 2 months.

are you ok??? I hope so I just read your story I would help you in anyway I can

I know this is really hard but sounds like he's done this before. You need to tell the police. Even if you don't want to got to court, they will log it so if he does this to someone else they can use your statement as evidence to get a conviction. If he thinks he can get away with it he will do it to other girls. <br />
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Start by telling a close friend<br />
Be strong hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's not your fault. You need to get advice. You need to talk with someone. I am sure that if you don't want to see anyone - you could talk on the phone to someone. Do not hold this in. Please for the sake of your future mental health and relationships you need to sort it out. Take care of yourself and please do not think that you are in anyway to blame.

You have not done anything wrong the rapist is exactly that a RAPISt not worth spit where as you are worth all the angels in heaven. You need help hon. please dont let this THING destroy a wonderful person; thats you. God I so much would like to talk to you right now For what its worth my heart and soul is with you

I believe you need to seek counseling. None of this is your fault. You need to be able to work thru this so you can have a rich life ahead of you that you so deserve.<br />
I came across this quote which I read on a regular basis.<br />
The Survivor's Suite<br />
<br />
And those that create out of the holocust of their own inheritance; anything more than a convenient self-made tomb, shall be known as<br />
Survivors.<br />
<br />
Author: Keith Jarrett