Upon Realizing That I Was In A Horrible Predicament.

It was last night. I was over at my friend Kate's house watching movies with a group of friends. I used to date her brother, but he left with his buddies early on in the night to go party. We all stayed up wicked late and Kate and the other person that had managed to stay awake left for 4 a.m. breakfast, leaving me alone in the house asleep. I was woken by James coming home with his blazed friends, and they were loud so I walked upstairs and laid on the sofa. James came up and saw me and came and sat next to my and was talking to me. He touched my back and rubbed me. I told him that I was absolutely not going to have sex with him. He tried to ask why and be all seductive, like, "Awh, why not babe?"
At this point, I was very tired-and my medication only makes me drowsier. We were sitting there and he asked about my "To Kill A Mockingbird" Barnes and Noble bag. I told him it was my graduation present from my friend. I told him about some of the poetry books and he began to talk poetry with me. (Poetry=my love) He said that he had a poetry collectors edition in his room. I stupidly followed him in. It was very dark. He closed the door, locked it, and turned off the only light source in the room. I was reading the book and he pushed me back on his bed. He tried to kiss and bite my neck. I was so stunned that it was happening. I was frozen and useless and pathetic. He tore my pants and panties off of me, and he shoved it in. It hurt so much, and I just laid there like a corpse. I couldn't move. I was so stunned and I couldn't fight him. He is too strong. He laid down on me and he was so very rough with me. He hurt me, but he just kept going. I started hyperventilating. I was shaking uncontrollably... he pulled out when he got off I presume. And when he turned the light on and saw me, his face changed immediately. Like he knew exactly what he just did.
I am so sore now, because he was so rough and carefree. I am terrified because he didn't try and protect me or anything. He just raped me, and came inside me. I'm freaking out, and I don't know how to tell my boyfriend. I am so afraid that he will be angry. I feel like this is all my fault.
pricerd pricerd
3 Responses May 19, 2012

You all are so supportive and wonderful people. My boyfriend was so nice about it. Thank you for being here.

Please do not take the blame for this it wasn't your fault. We always blame ourselves, try to look how we could have prevented it. I hope you seek the help and support you deserve. I didn't and thought I had dealt with it, but it just festered over the years and now I am more confused about everything. You are an amazing person and deserve the best. Peace and respect.

You have no reason to blame yourself for what happened; He took advantage of you and that is no ones fault but his.<br />
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When you tell your boyfriend (if you can't tell him over the phone or in person writing/typing/texting might help), he shouldn't be angry with you but should instead be supportive of you and be there to help you heal from this tramatic event. If, for some reason, he is mad then he isn't a good boyfriend at all.