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Surviving The Horror Still

When I was raped, It wasnt just on a physical level but emotionally, mentally, sexually too. On every single level you can have within being human, no longer human anymore. Just an object. Worth nothing. 

I feel like its a prison in my mind of horror, and it's a life sentence, beyond repair, this heart tortured, bleeding, and just when the heart is ready to die, it's forced to beat yet another painful heartbeat

I just can't hold back the tears stinging down my face. Yes I am silent. It's just too painful, this door is bleeding locked up. Don't even try to touch the handle. If you glance at it, it will just sting you so badly you won't even want to look.

Twisted heart, used and thrown down, crushed, bleeding, just about beating, can you hear it? Or did you look away at first glance in disgust?

Yes disgust, so dirty, contaminated, vile thing, hateful body. 

Leave her alone. Too fragile to even try to pick up.

Pushing you away with such a force, yet desperate to feel loved and wanted, yet when the love embraces, it's so overwhelming. she locked up automatically, frightened, confused, torn, bleeding. 

Emotions are so dangerous yet there is healing when you feel.. 

I often wonder when will the rainbow come after the fierce painful storm... I'm still looking for the magic rainbow.. I feel I have a right to my feelings, but so often I'm just so frightened, I lock the door, it goes rusty and the key just will not turn.. Too much pain bleeds out from that door.
 
deleted deleted 26-30 11 Responses Jun 25, 2012

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Stay strong!!

My silence echoes yours.

so whay did you let it go and not report it so the bastard that commit it will get punishment he deserve?

So sorry that you are suffering like this... sending you all the well wishes and prayers...

Do you Believe in Love...

When physical pain slowly vanished.. The fear will always stayed.... Wish u the best for ur future, always keep ur head up sweetie ;)

I feel for you ms. kajirose.. . *hugs*

This Sir feels that the ex<x>pression of your experience is wonderful. Keep it up. I can only presume you write to process the pain. It can only be good.

I am truly sad that this happened.

I hope you have/had help in dealing with the trauma.

Wonderfully expressed