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The Beginning: ****** Rape

I was first raped by my brother, Deedie, who is two years older than me when I was around six or seven. At that time, we lived in a one-bedroom house because my parents were financially unstable at that time.

Our family would go back to third street in Marrero whenever they hit financial hardships, they stayed in my grandma's old house but since she'd gotten sicker and was bedridden, my Auntie Mary decided to take care of her. My daddy probably also wanted to be near his family since we were never around them hardly ever. He probably wanted to be around his mom in her final days.

My mama had three teenagers from another marriage (along with my older brother from my father) all slept in the front room on a king-sized bed. The younger kids (including myself) slept on a mattress in my parents room.

The first time it happened, I was around six or seven. It happened while both my parents were in the room along with quite a few of my siblings. After that, I felt disgusted and didn't know how to explain what happened. Since it happened days after that, I knew I couldn't talk about it because no one in our family talked about the cycle of abuse.

So, that's what I thought my brother would do but the second time it came approaching, I pushed it again. He came from the back and got more aggressive. I didn't know what to say or if I should tell or not because this had never happened to me before. To top it off, my parents and the rest of my siblings were in the room talking and playing. I think he even was doing this to my mentally retarded sister as well. He came in and out of me while I felt ashamed and escaped in my mind from what he was doing.

It happened again when I was ten, probably before my second abuse (check out this story in the group, "I Have Been Sexually Abused" at EP Link This time he asked my younger brother, David (one year younger than me) to participate with him.

They both asked me to check something out outside. We still had a great relationship as brother and sister despite what had happened before especially since I had chosen to block it out of my mind and he was still moving forward as a normal boy in his life, so why couldn't I move on.

That time I felt like I was duped, like I was worthless and no one would understand what was happening so I kept it to myself.

After that, I never spoke to him or my younger brother about it again, they never bought it up, and neither did I. When I grew older, I never felt resentment or that they meant me no harm but I was upset at myself for allowing this to happen twice, and by the same brother from before. 

When we turned into teenagers, and puberty sunk in and I began to notice boys around my age and older, my younger brother asked me why I couldn't love him the way I loved my crushes and my other boyfriends?! Huh?! Was he serious?! I tried to explain to him that we didn't have the same kind of love, that we were siblings, and that my love for those guys was only infatuation - but he didn't get it.

A part of me feels like he didn't ever get it but as he got his own girlfriends, he knew my feelings for them and for him was different. Although a part of him does continue to go around choosing girlfriends that remind him of me because he has sort of an infatuation. I think we'll need to work with each other on what he wants more of for himself than this twisted obsession.

PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT FOR RAPE AND MOLESTATION VICTIMS:
I HAD TO EDIT THIS STORY FOR THE FACT THAT SOME MEN OR OTHERS WERE GETTING PLEASURE FROM STORIES OF THIS NATURE AND COMMENTING ON THEIR LUST FOR WHAT THE STORY WAS ABOUT.  
THAT BEING SAID, IT IS INDECENT AND DISRESPECTFUL WHEN I GLANCE THROUGH THE ACTIVITY OF THIS STORY AND READ PEOPLE TELLING ME HOW THEY'RE TURNED ON AND HAVE JERKED OFF TO IT. I FIND IT EXTREMELY DISTASTEFUL AND INAPPROPRIATE. I HAVE RECEIVED ALERTS ON COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY AND ONCE COMING TO THE PAGE NOTICE THESE COMMENTS THAT DISTURB ME BEYOND BELIEF. I KNOW IT HAS TAKEN ME A LOT OF TIME TO COMMENT ABOUT IT BUT I HONESTLY THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY ON ITS OWN AND NOW THAT IT HASN'T, I FELT THE NEED TO ADDRESS IT. IF I NOTICE ANYMORE INSENSITIVE COMMENTS, I WILL DELETE THIS STORY AND THE COMMENTS.
I HAVE EDITED THIS STORY BECAUSE IT WAS TOO EXPLICIT BEFORE AND THAT CAN BE PAINFUL FOR SOME READERS, THEREFORE, I WILL NOT BRING THE OLD VERSION BACK. I HAVE TO BE AWARE THERE ARE ALSO PERVERTS ON THIS SITE WHO GET TWISTED PLEASURE FROM IT. FOR THE LONGEST TIME, I REFUSED TO EDIT IT BECAUSE I KNEW IT HAPPENED AS I'D EXPLAINED BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE DOUBTED IT. THE NEXT PERSON WHO DOES MAKE A NASTY REMARK, I WILL DELETE IT PERMANENTLY, NO EXCEPTIONS!!
DELETING IT IS SOMETHING I DO NOT WANT TO DO IS BECAUSE I BELIEVE THIS CAN HELP SOMEONE ELSE AND FROM THE POSITIVE COMMENTS I'VE RECEIVED, I'VE SEEN IT HAS. DO NOT TAKE AWAY FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S GROWTH. THANK YOU FOR YOUR OVER-STANDING.

 

Dimples87 Dimples87 22-25, F 122 Responses Jun 13, 2008

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I know how you feel my younger brother did it to me and I felt totally helpless because even though he is younger than me he was bigger and stronger than me

I don't know what to say...but i am very sad by reading your story.... Please forgive me for my poor english... I honestly feels that i should do something for u, . Something that should cure your internal wounds. . . . . .

You speak English better than you think 2khan86. You don't have to do anything for me, the Most High is providing me with all I need and could ever want. I'm working on curing my internal wounds through the ways I know how to. Thanks for your comment.

hi, indeed a sad thing with you and i agree to that feel of urs with which u expressed ur anger on getting insane and sick replies. Its like our tears and laugh for others.<br />
Dimple, i won't lie to u or to anyone on this project about anything of m life. <br />
I have been in similar conditions put by an family known guy,one of my aunt who is twice as much of my age and in the end my own brother. Therefore i do can understand what u have gone through and what u still feel when those memories come to ur mind..

hey dimple i really dont undrstnd how r u helping other abused people by telling dis story of urs.. i m not doubting ur intenstion... bt its beyond my undrstndng.... can u explain??

If other people see how I had the bravery to tell my story, hopefully a little girl or boy who is being sexually abused right now reading this is going through the same thing can tell their story. By writing their story, someone they know can reach out to them (in the same place or state) and help them to escape the abuse.

I to am a ****** suvivor but it was my dads side of the family the hole family

Your story is heart breaking, and I think you are so very brave for speaking up about it.
I pray that you can get past this horrible experience and attain the happiness and respect you deserve :)

so sad

Please ignore the people who say this story sounds fake, or are leaving other inappropiate comments. I'm sorry this happened to you. Please do not delete, you story is sure to help others, and I'm sure writing it helped you. God bless.

I'm sorry for what had happened Dimples.... Hope you're ok now

I'm sorry about what happened to you, and your a kind person by trying to help other people. But your way to specific. It wasn't necessary for you to describe the penis or how you moved your butt cheeks that made him turn on. that is ridiculous. please rewrite it!

Your full of it.. How are you helping someone bu this story? to much sexualt content. You did not find any solution to help prevent rape. This story is more of what kind of brothers you have really. about your brothers mind being all twisted...

This is my story and how I decided to tell it. I don't think everyone else should tell it like I did. How could I, a kid, younger than my brother, prevent rape? You are full of it if you think this sort of act on innocence was preventable.

From what I read this story does not focus too much on sex. It shows a childs innocence and that we only know the family we are brought up in.

Dimples, I would just delete any inappropriate comments. As you say, it's your story and you can tell it how you want. The way you tell the story it is very easy to understand how things happened in the way they did.

I just edited it, it was written too explicit before, at least according to some people. Thanks, Orangetas, your help is appreciated and the comment is mutual for me saying it like I want but every comment is valuable, to me even if they're disgusting. Helps me understand others mindsets.

I would like to see the unedited version of this one day.

To me this story is not even close to being graphic and really does not contain a lot of sex at all. People who have never been through anything at all do not understand this. People sometimes do not want to believe bad things happen yet they do everyday, good luck to you in your journey.

The story has been edited for the purpose that people were misconstruing the purpose of the story and a lot of comments said it was too graphic before. So, I get that. Thanks for your comment.

I hope you were able to put it all behind you. Sorry!!
I think it was well written but sad.

hope things are better, was sexually abused as a kid my self. know the many feeling that you have. You are not alone.......

I have only known of one brother/sister ****** case; it was consensual, and both parties enjoyed what they did. It is of interest to me that Sigmund Freud dealt mainly with ****** cases, but between mothers and sons.
Respectfully,
idiotinlove2

I was young but knew what was happening was wrong, so I didn't enjoy it. I never knew that Sigmund Freud never dealt with ****** cases of the such as you said. But why did you make that comment, idiotinlove2?

Look at his profile.Youll see why.

Hello Dimples87,
Do you mean the remark about Sigmund Freud? I studied a lot about Freud getting a degree in Psychology, but only recently heard that what he treated was mostly mother/son problems. My remark was meant to go to the origins of such behavior; Freud treated mainly upper-class Jewish women (and no, this is not a slam at the Jews-I support Israel completely) whose children were generally turned over to a nanny to raise. This lack of familial bonding at an early age is felt to be the cause of the problem. In the brother/sister case, I think it was just childish curiosity which went further than it should have. I lost contact with them while they were still young and have no idea how things turned out in the long run. If you want to understand such behavior better, try looking up Genetic Sexual Attraction. On a personal level, I find such behavior horrifying and cannot imagine it happening in my own family.
I hope this answers you question.
Respectfully,
idiotinlove2

i really dont have any idea why these kinds of things happens.I mean he/she is like your own blood,how could such a person made by God became monster and a devil at the same time.

Sorry Dimples that you had to go through that, real sorry.

hey talking abt god is bullshit. first of all i dont believe god. plus what i have read abt god is thst they are sinful as we are..example god punish certain women to death for not having her his way as written on bible. hindu good brahma ****** his own daughter..god? they are lies and deceits of man kind..

Ur story sexy how much for one night, baby?

Can we make that a double penetration

****** sucks :/ These comments are really disgusting and insensitive.

Always judge a person thousand timez coz its a great disaster with nowadays generation. they hav lost self-control but only advice is take care n god bless u evn i was unable to read the whole story. No sympathy but lot of support n blessings.

Hi there my name is SACH,
cool and fun,
21,
studying actor from the UK,
please befriend me,
I entertain with intent,
feel free to view my profile and stories beforehand
to get a fun feel
PEACE......................
KING-KISSES XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
LETS TALK AND KICK BACK!
#ENJOYINGEP..........

THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS STORY.............
PLEASE READ MY I HATE PERVS STORY -
HOPEFULLY YOU LIKE IT...............

I have a ton of respect for Rape victims,
am not one of them,
but highly empathize with life after death,
and how strong of a emotional impact this can have on a person -
especially if its one of your family members,
or more than one...........

Hope you get the strength to get past this. God bless!

The scares may never go away, hope the creator gives you the strength to get pass this

thank god u realised it soon nd didnt allow ur brothers to further molest or rape u..

im sorry that happend i was raped so i know how you feel

Hi dimples87,
I wont tell that i understand what u feel coz i really dont...but as a male i wud definetly apologize from ur brothers side...as i am sure they havent apologized for wat they had done to an innocent creation of god....god bless u bravegirl....

It's very difficult for myself. My step brother and biological brother gang raped me in the basement. I still fee the chills of the concrete floor they threw me on. It'll get better. God Bless.