The Beginning: ****** Rape
I was first raped by my brother, Deedie, who is two years older than me when I was around six or seven. At that time, we lived in a one-bedroom house because my parents were financially unstable at that time.
Our family would go back to third street in Marrero whenever they hit financial hardships, they stayed in my grandma's old house but since she'd gotten sicker and was bedridden, my Auntie Mary decided to take care of her. My daddy probably also wanted to be near his family since we were never around them hardly ever. He probably wanted to be around his mom in her final days.
My mama had three teenagers from another marriage (along with my older brother from my father) all slept in the front room on a king-sized bed. The younger kids (including myself) slept on a mattress in my parents room.
The first time it happened, I was around six or seven. It happened while both my parents were in the room along with quite a few of my siblings. After that, I felt disgusted and didn't know how to explain what happened. Since it happened days after that, I knew I couldn't talk about it because no one in our family talked about the cycle of abuse.
So, that's what I thought my brother would do but the second time it came approaching, I pushed it again. He came from the back and got more aggressive. I didn't know what to say or if I should tell or not because this had never happened to me before. To top it off, my parents and the rest of my siblings were in the room talking and playing. I think he even was doing this to my mentally retarded sister as well. He came in and out of me while I felt ashamed and escaped in my mind from what he was doing.
It happened again when I was ten, probably before my second abuse (check out this story in the group, "I Have Been Sexually Abused" at EP Link This time he asked my younger brother, David (one year younger than me) to participate with him.
They both asked me to check something out outside. We still had a great relationship as brother and sister despite what had happened before especially since I had chosen to block it out of my mind and he was still moving forward as a normal boy in his life, so why couldn't I move on.
That time I felt like I was duped, like I was worthless and no one would understand what was happening so I kept it to myself.
After that, I never spoke to him or my younger brother about it again, they never bought it up, and neither did I. When I grew older, I never felt resentment or that they meant me no harm but I was upset at myself for allowing this to happen twice, and by the same brother from before.
When we turned into teenagers, and puberty sunk in and I began to notice boys around my age and older, my younger brother asked me why I couldn't love him the way I loved my crushes and my other boyfriends?! Huh?! Was he serious?! I tried to explain to him that we didn't have the same kind of love, that we were siblings, and that my love for those guys was only infatuation - but he didn't get it.
A part of me feels like he didn't ever get it but as he got his own girlfriends, he knew my feelings for them and for him was different. Although a part of him does continue to go around choosing girlfriends that remind him of me because he has sort of an infatuation. I think we'll need to work with each other on what he wants more of for himself than this twisted obsession.
PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT FOR RAPE AND MOLESTATION VICTIMS:
I HAD TO EDIT THIS STORY FOR THE FACT THAT SOME MEN OR OTHERS WERE GETTING PLEASURE FROM STORIES OF THIS NATURE AND COMMENTING ON THEIR LUST FOR WHAT THE STORY WAS ABOUT.
THAT BEING SAID, IT IS INDECENT AND DISRESPECTFUL WHEN I GLANCE THROUGH THE ACTIVITY OF THIS STORY AND READ PEOPLE TELLING ME HOW THEY'RE TURNED ON AND HAVE JERKED OFF TO IT. I FIND IT EXTREMELY DISTASTEFUL AND INAPPROPRIATE. I HAVE RECEIVED ALERTS ON COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY AND ONCE COMING TO THE PAGE NOTICE THESE COMMENTS THAT DISTURB ME BEYOND BELIEF. I KNOW IT HAS TAKEN ME A LOT OF TIME TO COMMENT ABOUT IT BUT I HONESTLY THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY ON ITS OWN AND NOW THAT IT HASN'T, I FELT THE NEED TO ADDRESS IT. IF I NOTICE ANYMORE INSENSITIVE COMMENTS, I WILL DELETE THIS STORY AND THE COMMENTS.
I HAVE EDITED THIS STORY BECAUSE IT WAS TOO EXPLICIT BEFORE AND THAT CAN BE PAINFUL FOR SOME READERS, THEREFORE, I WILL NOT BRING THE OLD VERSION BACK. I HAVE TO BE AWARE THERE ARE ALSO PERVERTS ON THIS SITE WHO GET TWISTED PLEASURE FROM IT. FOR THE LONGEST TIME, I REFUSED TO EDIT IT BECAUSE I KNEW IT HAPPENED AS I'D EXPLAINED BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE DOUBTED IT. THE NEXT PERSON WHO DOES MAKE A NASTY REMARK, I WILL DELETE IT PERMANENTLY, NO EXCEPTIONS!!
DELETING IT IS SOMETHING I DO NOT WANT TO DO IS BECAUSE I BELIEVE THIS CAN HELP SOMEONE ELSE AND FROM THE POSITIVE COMMENTS I'VE RECEIVED, I'VE SEEN IT HAS. DO NOT TAKE AWAY FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S GROWTH. THANK YOU FOR YOUR OVER-STANDING.