It Just Isn't Fair

I was only twelve. I remember when I had slumber parties with my friends, at night we would do 'check-ups' like if you have started your period, kissed someone yet, etc. When my friend asked "So everyone here is a virgin?" She expected everyone to nod. I mean we were twelve. But I couldn't nod... I felt dirty and worthless. But anyways I'll tell you what happened.

It was a lazy summer day and everyone was happy and in a good mood as me, my mom, and my sister got in the car to go buy movies. The movie store was right across from the grocery store and when we got out of the car my mom realized we needed some milk. She asked me to quickly go get the milk because she has MS (It makes her unable to walk normally so she couldn't go herself) and my sister was only five. I didn't really want to because I was shy and didn't like going up to the counter and buying things. I went anyway. I'm so so stupid. I want to delete this decision from my life.

With ten bucks I got out of the car (Mom said she would wait till I got back so I can look for movies.) I walked across the street and began to walk across the parking lot to get to the store. I wasn't even halfway there when a car stopped behind me (I didn't think anything of it, my town is small and things like this never happen) and a super tall guy ran out and covered my mouth with a giant hand. I can remember everything I was thinking. Something like "Oh my god what is happening is he trying to kidnap me." I didn't have time to even attempt screaming and kicking before he threw me in the seat next to him, slammed the door, and drove away.

Nobody even saw it happen because everyone was downtown celebrating the summer parade. Why didn't the world give me time to SCREAM? I don't believe in the Everything Happens For a Reason quote anymore. I tried to push him down as he began driving down a nearby nature trail. He slammed the brakes and pushed me down on the floor of the car. We were only a little ways in the forest but nobody was there and to make it worse, the windows were tinted.

I was on the floor of the car with him fumbling with his clothes basically ripping them off. I tried getting up but he grabbed my wrists and slammed me on the floor again. I screamed for help but he slammed his boot on my chest, sending a shocking pain up my body. He sat on top of me and then grabbed my throat. He said "Scream and I bring out my knife." I shut up but here was this at least 25 year old guy sitting on top of me with only boxers...I was whimpering like a baby and just saying "Please" and "No" as he ripped open all my clothes. I was only wearing a bra and underwear when he reached behind and got out some rope.

He turned me over and tied my hands behind my back. Then he turned me on my back again. He ripped off the rest of my clothes and then he took off his boxers. He just went in and I think my whole word fell apart. I was crying so much and begging for him to stop and promising not to tell but it was like he was deaf.

It had been like an hour of emotional and physical torture when I heard people outside the car. He started cussing and got up to make sure the doors were locked. I heard a police siren but I kind of tuned out. I felt numb and weak. Everything else was a blur, police breaking in, a woman covering me with a blanket and picking me up.

I've tried not to let this ruin my life but it's just... Unfair. I'm sorry but it is. Just tell me why he had to do this to me? I'm sorry this is so long but I've never shared this much before.