Untitled

I can't find enough words to describe how hurt i am. I'm angry, confused, scared, sad, striped of everything i was. I dont know who I am. I hate myself. I can't even look at myself. And it kills me knowing that the guy you did this to me is still out there. I want him to pay not only jail worse. He not only raped me he striped me of everything i ever was. I feel as though im damaged and who would want that. I'm gross. Disgusting. I just want to die.The only thing keeping me alive is knowing that if I die he wins and I will never let that happen. One way or another he will pay. That night I was drinking with my so called friend at the time. She set me up to get raped she never even liked me. I was forced to get naked lay on a bed and do nothing. He is in a gang I fear for not only my life if i tell but everyone I love. I dont know how Ill ever be able to trust anyone ever again. I just want this nightmare to end.
untitled19 untitled19
18-21, F
3 Responses Sep 6, 2012

yesterday I have read a book by Jaycee Dugard, the girl who was kidnapped and raped since 11, until she was 29.<br />
She wrote, ' With my writing, I hope to convey that you can endure tough situations and survive. Not just survive, but by okay even on the inside, too. I'm not sure how i endure all that i did. I ask myself less and less every day. I used to think maybe the one reading this would find the answer for me, but i am beginning to think that i have secretly known all along.<br />
' Ask yourself, what would you do to survive? You can survive tough situations is all i can say. i did. History has taught us that even when it looks like there is no hope, hope still lies in people's hearts.'<br />
Her goal is to inspire people to speak out when they see something is not quite right around them. We live in a world where we rarely speak out and when someone does, often nobody is there to listen. Now , she is the founder of JAYC foundation, for families who need to learn how to heal.<br />
I hope you get some comfort or change of thought, and most of all, if she can do it, i believe you can do it as well!

((((HUGS)))))<br />
You feel nasty, but you aren't actually nasty. Please don't hate yourself, it was not your fault.

Please don't kill yourself, hope you find someone who feels the same here, you are never alone when talk about rape.<br />
If you kill yourself, everyone you love have to go through a traumatic situation just like you, you don't want this happen, right?<br />
Have you told anyone you trust, may be your parents,your best friend or your doctor? You need someone you trust to go through this with you!<br />
You can decide to report him to authorities or NOT to, but foremost, you have to seek help to heal yourself.<br />
To do medical check up with someone you trust is the most urgent one, to collect the evidence to capture the rapist, i know deep down you want to do that,which you can decide later on and to do HIV assessment is crucial as well. Have u done that?<br />
You have done nothing wrong, don't feel guilty. You were drunk, but it did not lead to rape! It was never your fault.Guilt should be what the rapist feels, not you.<br />
<br />
Please stay strong, and take care.<br />
I'm Pooky and I'm 19 years old, message me :)

Ive been to the hospit i dknt have family that cares. And im starting not to i have so many suisidel thoughts that im trying not to listen to but there getting louder and loder and hard to keep away

:'( What are your reasoning behind the suicidal thoughts? e.g. i want to die because ..... we have to cut them down one by one.

Do u experience flashbacks? My friend said she experienced that a lot after being raped. :S

Are u in school right now?