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Too Young To Know

It started when I was five years old, I went over my grandmas house weekly and slept over with my cousins. My one male cousin was quite fond of me and for years he touched me, forced me to kiss him. It had started so young that when I went to see him, I would close and lock the door and stroke his penis and sometimes he would touch me between my legs.

Finally when I turned 12 I started to realize this wasn't normal and that was the night he attempted to rape me on the kitchen floor in my aunts apartment. I was so scared that I had an asthma attack and he came into the bathroom and tried to wrap his arms around me. I felt so sick of what had been happening all these years, but I pushed him off and told him no more.

He stopped after that but many other events happened with other guys but I never told my parents. I feel so mentally unstable and some what disturbed that I don't feel disgusted when I hear of child **** even though I would never touch a child. I almost feel if I was raped again I would not care unless I became pregnant.

I am confused and even still today when he is around I feel a need to touch him like before and when he sleeps over with my brother, I always catch him glaring through the crack of my door.
LostLover94 LostLover94 18-21, F Nov 18, 2012

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