Facing Reality

I was attacked 10 months ago. I keep saying "attacked" or calling it an "incident". But, I was raped.
I'm beginning to face reality. After moving forward to this long, I finally told a friend and am getting help...
I'm 26 years old and smart, why this is so hard is still beyond me. I think that's what I'm trying to figure out.
It was a fun weekend planned with college friends from out if state. They were in my area so I drove 3 hours for a night of drinking and catching up.
My good friend decided she was going to call it a night, but nope - not me. I decided to continue drinking w/ her brother and a new friend I had met of his. I was driving home... And would wander my way back or get a taxi to my hotel room.
At the end of the night, tired and low on cash the guys invited me to "chill" a bit with them. I preface this with my knowledge of how incredibly stupid this sounds, but understand one of the guys was a childhood friend. I knew him since I was 15.,, I was 25. He knew my family etc... He was no stranger.
Back at the hotel... More drinks. My "friend" went to get ice. That's when it happened. I was forced down and quickly (I think?) raped. I knew I had to get out. And I knew when my friend returned he would help me.
Once he came back, the unthinkable happened. The acquaintance I had just met quickly called it a night (no surprise). When my friend looked at me I expected help. No. He forced himself on me. Accusing me of having too much "fun" with his friend. He said it was his turn.
Confused and now, totally sober. I made the 3 hr drive home that night. I live 24 hours from my family or any close friends. I went home to my apartment and told no one. Not even my roommate. And the nightmare doesn't end there. I was not on birth control, and you guessed it... Became pregnant. It wasn't until now (after the would-be due date) I told some one and it has really started to hit home. I never had the baby. Another choice I made solo.
Now, I know there was no reason to be embarrassed by what happened. But talking about it is still a challenge. I hope to start here, accept the events that have happened, trust people and maybe even help someone down the line.
I have no real advice or closure to offer victims as I'm in the middle of it all right now. But I know, reading others' brave stories has helped me realize I'm not alone!
Hope86 Hope86
26-30, F
Dec 3, 2012