He Broke My Spirit

It was the end of July. I had just turned 21 and was promoted to Co-manager. My first order of business was to train the new guy in. We hit it off immediately. There was something about him that made it so I couldn't stop thinking about him. I called my best friend bragging about this new guy I had met. I told her everything. All the cute things he would say and do for me and how happy he made me. We both decided that if I wanted this relationship to be healthier and stronger than my past relationships I wasn't going to have sex with him because I wanted something more. It was the first guy I had done this with in two years. The other couple guys in between obviously didn't end well. But there was something about him. He made me feel safe, he made me feel like no matter what was going on in my life, everything would be okay in the end. We were with each other almost everyday. I completely indulged myself into him.

October 23rd 2012 I had just gotten off work and J(the guy) was begging me to come to his friends house and sleep over. I figured it would be fun to meet his friend. We could have a couple of beers and just have a good time by the fire. When I walked into the back yard I saw him with his friend, they both were obnoxiously loud and J was abnormally rude to me. I figured it was because he was In front of his friend and had been drinking a lot. This made me not want to drink because I didn't want anything bad to happen...J started to get rough with me. He started making rude remarks about my body and he even took out a knife and cut me across my chest. I told him off and started to leave. I was so shocked he was acting like this. I had never seen this side of him and I had to get out of there. As I was leaving he grabbed me and threw me to the dirt. I was able to get away but he grabbed me and threw me down again. He pinned my face down into the rock-filled fire pit. I tried so hard to get away. I screamed and his friend just say there and watched. J was on top of me pinning down my face and my arms. I closed my eyes in hopes to be relieved. He proceeded to dry hump me while saying vulgar things. Then he stopped, flipped me over, grabbed me by the hair and tried to insert himself into my mouth. I went to bite him and he ripped out part of my hair and then threw me back on the ground. He pulled down my pants, grabbed a handful of rocks and shoved them inside of me. The pain was unbearable. I just laid there motionless until he left me alone. My phone was dead, I had no ride and I was in so much pain. I went inside the house thinking I could fall asleep in a corner and soon enough it would be over. When I went inside I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I had dirt all over me and was bleeding a lot. It killed getting out the rocks, i thought i was going to pass out. All I wanted was to get away but I had no place to go. As I curled up into a corner I heard the boys come inside. I was hoping the worst was over but it was just beginning. J immediately started to rip off my clothes. He laid on me in the 69 position and bit my vagina several times causing me to bleed. He then proceeded to bite me all over my body. I tried to fight back but I had nothing left inside of me. I just laid there praying it would be over soon. I kept on thinking how could he do this to me. I cared for him so much and we had been through a lot together. Then I thought about how his friend could let him do this to me. J then flipped me on my stomach and raped me. His friend just sat there by my feet and watched it happen as if he was getting off to it. Then, I blacked out. When I woke up I ran as fast as I could from that house. I waited for my friend at a gas station. I felt like everyone was looking at me as if they knew what had happened. I felt so disgusted. I wanted to die

It's been almost two months. I was always told my number one quality about me was how easy it was for me to get along with people because I was so eccentric and happy all the time. That's gone now. I quit my job and have panic attacks on a daily basis. I'm now reliant on medication and have night terrors regularly. I have never felt so alone and betrayed. I really did like him and he ruined me. He broke my spirit and I'm afraid ill never be normal again.
Shelbymac09 Shelbymac09
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

One day you will feel normal again. Rape changes your life, but doesn't ruin it.