Rape As Part Of My Punishment

Ok so i am a little aprehensive about sharing a bit of my story with you...i suppose part of me is scared of peoples reactions, of not being believed as has been the case all my life...and of people blaming me for what happened as i know it was my fault, no matter how many counslellors have tried to say it wasnt i still know it was my fault...

Ok so first of all i want to say that i was spanked frequently and often severly by my mother from the age of 3.. then i was sexually abused from i was 8 years old by 2 men known to the family... i told my mum a few months after it began and she gave me a belting and told me that 'bad things only happen naughty girls and so if this was happening it was because i deserved it for my misbehaviour' and since it was happening cause i was a bad girl then i deserved a belting too...at the time i accepted it as she was reinforcing what my abusers were telling me so i thought it 'normal' it wasnt until i was in my late teens that i realised it wasnt normal and that it was abuse...by then it was too late... the mental scars were well embedded and i was physically so damaged i would be unable to concieve...

So i was 15 ...my mum was going away for the morning i i was to study for exams which i was taking later that month...mum left at 9am and wasnt expected back before 1pm at the earliest...so i invited my girlfriend over and we chatted. flirted and of course ended up naked in bed..we were in the middle of having....well....you know.... and i heard a cough...instantly i knew it wasnt Kathys...but i did recognise it! But i was too scared to look and remained under the duvet (in the vain hope that i had imagined it) kathy and i both sat not daring to move with the duvet on top of us...then all of a sudden....woosshh and the duvet was swiped off us... and mum was standing there holding it!! I was dragged from the bed and down the stairs into the living room....kathy was instructed to follow behind as well....once in the living room the curtains were flung open as was the window and i was made stand in front of it with my front facing out onto the roadside and my hands upon my head....kathy was in the other corner facing the wall so her bare butt was facing the road, again hands on head!....mother left the room and warned us not to move so much as a muscle in or bodies or the severe spanking that we were about to get would be made alot more severe! So we were left standing naked and shamed in the room...i really dont know how long we were standing there..on reflection it was about 10mins but it felt like hours and hours...then mother returned... Mother moved the coffee table into the centre of the living room and i was instructed to assume position upon it....which i did without argument,..i already was in trouble and didnt want to risk furter anger and more severe punishment.... so i was on the table on all fours ...'bottom higher, legs wider apart' mother roared at me... i was crying with embarasment as my 'private area' was visable to everyone passing and as i was always required to be totally shaved everything was in plain view! I was spanked and respanked..but those details are not necessary for this topic...just wanted to give an example of the type of woman my mother was...

After being punished harshly i was draged up to my bedroom and instructed to lie on my back on the bed with my legs spread wide apart.....and she left the room with the door open... next thing was..i heard voices in the hallway and recognised instantly 2 of them were my abusers, and one was mother...the other 2 i hadnt heard before...i immediatly felt fear and panic rise from my stomach to my chest...but didnt move.. on reflection it was a mixture of been scared and frozen to the spot and knowing i had no where to go! So in came the 4 men and my mother...with her the riding crop! Her words still chill me to this day ' you want to be a **** and prostitute your body to anyone? we will see after your punishment is finished if you still feel the same way'

Mum handed the crop over to one of my abusers and she left the room and closed the door....

.....i really cant talk alot about what followed to be honest...it is far too painful to recall in detail...many psychiatrists have tried getting me to talk but i cant....so i shall give you the very bare outline of it...

legs raised in the air and pulled and held so wide apart...that hurt enough in itself....i was whipped with the crop severley in my 'private area' ...this went on for a while.. then the older of my abusers inserted the crop into my vagina... and rubbed my **** whilst shoving the crop in and out and occassionally taking it out and spanking me again between my legs... then the younger abuser made me preform oral sex on him whilst having being beaten again with the crop more and more harslhly until i had satisfied him fully and he 'came' and then held my mouth closed until i swollowed his ***...then i was turned round onto my stomach and face shoved down into the bed i was raped anally and fingered by another as my legs were held apart...this bascially went on over a few hours til i was left unable to move and bleeding quite heavily...then i was just thrown off the bed into a corner like a piece of rubbish and left there sobbing...

mum came in in the morning and i was given a morning spanking...which i didnt really feel to be honest as i was already numb and broken,,,,

I am sorry if this disturbs you... i just needed to get this out as its eating me up badly inside :( I have reported my abusers for what they did but with the back up of their family,and friends and my mum there was no hope of getting them prosacuted....the internal injuries that i have my mum claimed i inflicted upon myself for sympathy and to get innocent people into trouble...she said i had a 'wild and overactive imagination' :(
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15 Responses Jan 6, 2013

This is NOT your fault! I don't care what you think- they were cruel people and unworthy of your presence. You are MORE than what your mother and those 4 horrible men said to you!

did you go claim police with parents or tell teacher or social assistant school

It seems your mother was offering something to keep the situation away from her. to allow that, carte blanche, means she had no soul. Are you around those 4 to this day?

Your mother has no heart. I want to hug you and tell you everything will be ok! Please don't think it's your fault because it most certainly is not!!! That's not punishment it is degradation and torture! And how the police did nothing is also wrong. However I live in the country and discipline is something the cops do nothing about. Children are abused and they look the other way. If you need someone to talk to I'm here for you!

That is horrid. I hope you realize at this point that you weren't at fault and that you never deserved any of that.

Wow... Now that story gives me more incentive to change my ways. I'm sorry for your pain

I'm so sorry those thing's happened to you, that is not how a mother is suppose to behave, and your mother was mentally sick and twisted. No parent should ever do those things, they are the ones who were wrong. You were innocent and betrayed by the people who should have shown you nothing but unconditional love, since they brought you into this world. My thoughts and prayers are with you, stay strong.

I am sorry to hear about your terrible abuse, but I can't lie... and I felt arousal at reading the story.

For me, it would have been perfect if you'd ended up enjoying at least some aspect of it... however, life ain't like that.

I hope your healing continues.

Thanks for sharing.


i am very sorry to hear this happened to you and really feel for you why have you kept your mum in your life and allowed her to spank you since this happened if my mum did that to me i wood of had her out of my life as soon as i could you let her stay in your life and let her carry on hurting you and abusing you from what you say in your other stories

i think the same as u i was raped by my mums friends 4 yrs she liked 2 watch as well

yes babes some days better than others u

why babe message me if u like

Stay strong.

This was clearly abuse and not yourt fault. But I am curious as to WHY you think this was your fault?

Admire you for fighting so bravely ! Pls be patient and stay inpsychtherapeutic treatment. It will help! One day you will get hold of these pigs, in whatever way !

that's terrible, so sorry to hear that.

Omg that is horrible. It angers me that you are unable to have childen because of those monsters! At the same time there is always adoption and maybe you can save another child from the abuse that you endured. Even though you were unable to put your abusers behind bars I think that it is important for you to continue therapy and I think that it might be good for you to volunteer at a womens shelter or some sort of safe haven and help other kids and women with your experiences. I would never keep quiet about what they did and who they are, even though it is hard. Karma works in amazing ways, they will get thiers.