Its been 8 years ago this month on M.L.K. day when I was raped.
Its time that I stop.
Stop crying about it.
Stop having night tares about it.
Stop hurting myself because of it.
They tell me to stop.
They tell me that I will get over it.
They tell me its time to forget about it.
They tell me that I am perfectly fine.
I am weak.
I am a coward.
I am tarnished.
I just need to get over it.
I just need to stop.
I just need to smile, he is family after all.

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5 Responses Jan 8, 2013

Oh my dear I'm so sorry you met such evils and it saddens me that people could ever put a deadline on your pain, how dare they. My hand of friendship, support an prayer is stretched out to you whenever, if ever, you feel the need to hold on tight, stay safe.

I wanted to respond to let you know that you are not alone.. but everything I was going to say, tiemeuptiemedown beat me too it.. So I second what they said.. EVERY WORD.. and if you ever need to talk, please just send me a message.. I too have rapists in my family.. except it split my family apart.. I am with the side that believed me and my sister.. and I have to tell you once again, that it will NEVER go away, just gets better to deal with..

I'm so stronger than the person who assaulted are.

My own story involves family, my uncle in 5th grade, my brother, and a stranger.
Sometimes I wish I died because of the mental scars they left.
My ex-gf told me, "Why do you act like your family is all perfect after everything they have done to you?"
My answer, "I dont act like my family is perfect, I just cant dwell on what they have done because I cant lose what family I do have.", "I have to forgive them in order to forgive myself."
Sometimes I am thankful that I can share my exerience with someone else.
But I still to this day feel hopeless once in a while.
I still sometimes feel like I "could've done something"
But I cant, could'nt and didnt.
I cant change the past and it sucks
But I can change how I am dealing with it and so can you
Something a counselor told me was,
"Dont let your past be a part of who you are, let it be a part of your story and what has made you stronger."
Listen to this and take it to heart, because I have been in your shoes, not completely but I understand some.
Take care of yourself as others would tell me.

:( You can still report this, you know.
And no, you don't just "get over it."

I'm so sorry. You still don't just get over these things. A lot of the inc*st survivors I talk to end up not being able to be around their family, because their family asks them to basically pretend it didn't happen.
I'm lucky in that my mom divorced my dad...and after she divorced him I slowly started remembering all the stuff he did....still have a lot I haven't seen yet.
Gonna add you, so if you want to talk to me, you can.