I Was Only Ten Years Old..

On a sunny day, warm enough to run around in my beloved blue and white dress, I played with a girlfriend in my neighborhood. I can still see her in my memories.

I lived in a small village and we ended up near the skating ring. In the summer nothing more than a piece of meadow with some sheep running on it. We were near the small wooden cabin where you can put your skates on in the winter. I still can see the small sidewalk tiles beneath my feet. We met three older boys, in their late teens, and one boy, our age, dragged along with them. I still can see his face too. They started to pester us and grabbed our arms. My girlfriend could flee away. I did not.

They dragged me into the bushes. I screamed and I did fight. But they were too strong and it was too far away from civilization. I must have cut my leg on some branch. It was deep but at that point I didn't feel anything.

I was thrown on the ground and while two boys hold me tight the other one could do whatever he pleased. And he did. I got undressed. His hands were all over and in me. At first that boy my age was just curious too. He did join them. When it got more rough he stepped aside.

They changed position. Now it was another one with his hands all over me. And soon later, the third one got his piece of the cake.

I have no feelings about all this when I tell it. I can see it. I see a lot of little details. I do not see the assaulter's. Their faces are blurred. A shadow. No more.

The first boy got his trousers down and said out loud it was time stabbing it in. The two boys agreed enthusiastic. The smallest one, who stood aside, started to protest. He screamed he would get help and do a "tell it all". He saved me... Thank Lord he saved me.

I have no memories whatsoever what I did from the moment they left until I find myself in the kitchen with my mother. I have red spots on my arms and legs. Scratches everywhere. A deep cut at the back of my leg. I told my mother my girlfriend and I were playing in the bushes. I got stuck and because of that I have these scratches. She believed me. Treated my wound at the back of my leg.

It  never came to my mind again until it started to haunt me in flashbacks.
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Jan 21, 2013