3 Things That Saved My Life
This is not the story of my rape, that can be found through my profile. This is the story of the 3 things that saved my life, after I read something that triggered me into having a Flashback causing me to re-live my rape. Two of these things I already had close to my heart before my Flashback, the third I received from a friend I called and told them I was raped and they believed me, which I had trouble even admitting to myself, because I had denied it had happened for so long.
The 3 things are:
Friend's advice: You can not let ONE moment in your past, continue to dictate your future, and cause you so much pain. You are strong enough to make your own future, and it was okay to cry. Crying opens yourself up and lets that pain and misery you are feeling out. So it can be replaced with love and support from people who love you, and she told me she was there for me whenever I need it.
Music by Neon Hitch, which incidentally came out 2 days before I had my Flashback, talk about fate right? The song lyrics that had the most impact and still influence my recovery, for the better; The Wizard Believe, Black and Blue, and Born to be Remember. I highly recommend going to YouTube and looking these songs up. Some of the lyrics for Believe: All you really need is love; I know they can be critical; But the only time we give up; Is when we're in Heaven. Just hold your head up high;
(if you do believe, you do believe); Spread your wings and fly; (coz I do believe, I do believe); Someday we will find a place that we are finally free.
Hold your flag up high.
And finally a Japanese Manga Naruto: Physical wounds will definitely bleed and may look painful. But over time, they heal by themselves. And if you apply medicine, they will heal faster. What's troublesome are wounds of the heart. Nothing is harder to heal. Wounds of the heart are different from physical injuries. You can't apply medicine, for one thing. And sometimes, they never heal. There's only one cure for a wound of the heart. It's a bit bothersome and you can only receive it from someone else. What is it?? It's love, pure unconditional love. It's the only medicine that helps cure a wound of the heart.
I share these things with you because after I had my Flashback, I seriously contemplated getting my Sig handgun and eating a bullet, I felt that worthless about myself. I no longer feel that way and I don't think I ever will again. I know all of the pain I feel is a "Wound to my heart", and using these things that I connect with. I can ask for help from people who I know and love, and I can receive the medicine I need to start healing, and I can thank them by sharing it right back. So they know how much it means to me that they care. I also want to share a quote with you that expresses how I now feel.
"Even though I do not know you, and even though; I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you with all my heart, I love you." --V for Vendetta
I believe that I no longer have to fear "Wounds to the Heart", knowing how to heal the pain with love, and knowing that all the scars on my heart will all be wiped clean by God in Heaven, when my time finally comes and I get to go Home. If you need someone to listen, or a friend? I'm here and I can open my heart without fear to you, because I know painful it is to blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. I know I will keep hurting and crying throughout my life, but I feel its ok to cry, nothing wrong with having myself a good cry. And one day I will be made whole, in this life or the next. Thank you for taking the time, and God bless.