Please Read Any Advice Would Be Helpful

i am now 21 years old, i think i am writing this to know wether it was rape or not. I was with an abusive boyfriend for 4 years from age 16, the first instance happened one night at his aunts where he lived. We were downstairs in the granny flat and we were haveing sex doggy style, it was hurting alot so i said STOP he kept going then i said STOP STOP L STOP I felt like I couldnt pull away because i was in such a vulnerable position. He stopped not long after I asked him to because he orgasimed. I spun around and i asked him why he didnt stop i felt so panicked and used he said he was sorry, I have never been sure if that was rape because he orgazimed not long after i asked him to stop even though i said it several times. The second instance was when were living in melbourne and he was at his peak of physical and mental abuse. We were haveing a fight in bed and he was playing with his penis for some reason, i rolled over faceing my back to him as we were fighting he then put his arm around my body holding my arms against it so i couldnt move and he pulled down my pj bottoms down and was trying to stick it in i struggled but i couldnt move because hes so much bigger then me I told him to stop the whole time he tried for about a minute to get it in but he couldnt because it was such an akward position he then pushed me onto the floor and said i was a stupid ***** for thinking he would ever do something like that. I dont even know what thats classified as attempted rape i dont know im sure he would have raped me if he could get it in. The third instance i know isnt rape I dont know what it is but it was extremly humiliating and i felt powerless I dropped something to his dads friend that asked us to drop it there L didnt want to come this guy is like 50 by the way so its even more ridiculas i got to his friends and L is in a paranoid rage saying i must have ****** him i never cheated on L even though he cheated numerous times we were in his friends room when his friends went out of the room he grabbed me pulled my legs apart and pulled my undies to the side and put his nose on my vagina and smelt it i tried to push him away i was so embarrased and scared that his friends might come in i would have been so ashamed if they had seen that humiiliation the forth time wasnt rape i dont know what it was it was after i had finally broken up with my boyfriend i was working at a cafe/bar and a guy came in he seemed friendly enough i guess i just really wanted to hangout with someone i dont know when i look back i was really messed up after that relationship so he came over my house when he got to my house he tried to kiss me i said no i just want to hang he seemed to accept it then we were sitting in my room and he went on top of me and was trying to kiss me and touch me i told him no to get off me this went on for seriously like an hour atleast he just wouldnt get off me he didnt rape me he just would not get off me and not stop trying to kiss me and touch me even though i was saying stop and to get off he finally got off and i slept in the spare room to get away from him the other time i think i was nearly raped i put myself in another stupid situation i was hanging out with a group of guys me and my friend met in town i was drunk and i hung out with one guy more then the others he seemed really nice he had to get changed in his hotel room to get let in to the clubs he asked me to come up i clearly said dont try anything we are just going up there so you can get changed i will have a ciggerette while im waiting for you i sat on the balcony he sat with me i said i was going to leave when my ciggerette was done because he wasnt getting ready when i had finished i said ok well i guess ill see you in the club as i went for the door he darted infront of it and was trying to kiss me i said no i dont want to he kept trying so i backed up onto the shelf behind the door he tried for a bit more then he just snapped it was like he was a completly different person he started yelling at me calling me a **** and a ***** and all that kind of stuff he then grabbed the door and proceeded to slam it onto my legs as he was yelling profanitiys at me i managed to squeeze my way out and run out of the room im sure i would have been raped if his crazy friend who was breaking apart the bed wasnt in there from getting kicked out of a club... i dont know why im writting this i think i needed to get alot of it off my chest i havent really told anyone the whole story and i guess i wanted to know your opinions on what all this was thank you for your time im sorry this is so long i feel like theres so much more i need to get out of me but that has more to do with physical abuse i dont think i could ever have the energy to get all of that out

drinkdrankpunk drinkdrankpunk
1 Response Mar 4, 2009

well I see that you havent been on here in sometime... so me writing something would be silly... So if you get back on here... send me a message and we can chat...