Does It Count?

I have never told anyone about that night, my freshman year of college when a friend of mine followed me back to my room. I was wary of him because I wanted to be alone, but hell... I considered him a friend. After inviting himself in the room, he sat on my bed, since it was the only place there was to sit in a college dorm. After a few minutes he started to grope against me, and I kind of brushed him off. I wasn't insisting angrily that he stop, but I didn't want him to continue. This was when I realized he was high... very high off of marijuana and suddenly his weight against me was crushing, I couldn't push him off me even though I struggled. He got me out of my jeans... and then immediately tried to force himself inside of me. I told him to stop, hit him repeatedly... kept hitting him. He didn't flinch. I was a virgin... wasn't anymore. When finally I cried "This is rape!" He hesitated and moved off of me he hadn't gotten too far into the act... maybe this is why I've never told anyone. Maybe it's because I pass it off as an attempt why I manage to deal with this... but I knew I felt different, inside and out.

 

To this day I still think it's my fault. Like I should have done something differently. Like I brought it on myself, like I had somehow invited him into my space.

sweetdestiny sweetdestiny
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 21, 2007

It's not your fault. Just because you invited him to your room doesn't mean he can do anything to you that you don't want. Once you say "No" just one time, it becomes rape.