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Date Rape

I was so betrayed. Heartbroken, and I didn't even love him.
He came over while my parents were at work this summer. I told him before we started drinking: I am not having sex with you today.
He said: ok, ok. and sighed, rolling his eyes.
We went into my room. I was drunk. He said: let's play a game. truth or dare?
i said: truth
he told me: that's not how you play.
then my shirt was on the floor. I was a possession, an object.
And there was only one goal.
He told me I was beautiful, smart, funny. He said I wouldn't have any regrets, that I wasn't a *****. I kept telling him no. no. no.
Then he just got up an put on the condom.
We were both virgins.
He kept asking: does it hurt? does it hurt?
like he cared.
He made promises. Of relationships. Of attraction. But it was all lust. A horny teenage boy. He told me so many lies. And I just didn't say no strongly enough.
He told me later that he didn't want a relationship. I cried and cried and cried. Friends, who I thought would support me, melted into the floorboards and I was left to fend for myself.
They don't believe me. They don't believe that I said no.
He denies it. He lied before, why would he tell the truth now?
I go to school with him. I see him every ******* day. And he hasn't been punished. He hasn't been hurt like I have. I am a mistake. I am a regret.
Sometimes, depending on the day, I think it is my fault.
I invited him over. I drank. I didn't say no strongly enough. I was flirtatious. I led him on.
But then there are the days when I can't beleive they all don't believe me. my "friends". My mom. They blame me. Pointing fingers to avoid awkwardness and emotion.
I am stronger though. I was naive. I was so innocent. He stole those from me. Before, my greatest problem was about which boy liked, now. I was raped. My whole life revolves around this one sentence. I try to not let it define me, but it's so so hard. My grades suffer because I can't concentrate, and none of them, none of them have any idea.
I'm seeing a therapist. A lot of my friends know...but they haven't been through it...they just don't understand. Does anyone relate to me? to this? Can anyone offer any help? advice?
SpecailK SpecailK 16-18, F 18 Responses Nov 9, 2007

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u know just be strong. it hppened 2 me kinda the same but i dont let it win. go out, date and try 2 b nrml. if u have a little fun ul feel better.

Find someone means everything to you. Also make a dating rule no sex with guys until the 10th date no less cuz if they are willing to wait that long you know you will be able to trust

that almost happened to me man... i know how that regretful shames feels like even by getting that close to doing that..

I'm sorry. As the only decent guy on the planet, (or so it seems sometimes) I must apologize for my gender. None of that is your fault, it is the main responsibility of the man in any situation to make certain that, should there be a woman present, her honor is not compromised. Call me old fashioned, but any man who would force someone to do something he/she is not volunteering to do is a monster who isn't worth the air he breathes. You are sooo strong to have made it through this. Hang in there, and don't ever blame yourself again.

I know you dont want to hear this but when you are all alone with a boy and you are bot drinking what did you expect. Unless, hes gay, or your ugly or he is a total angel, stuff happens

I'M so sorry that happened to you.. I lost my virginity to rape as well, and I got raped again last night, so I know the feeling. It's not your fault no matter what! Hope you're better.

Mix booze/drugs to any situation **** will happen. You need to get over it and move on. Think of it having sex for sex not an emotional thing. It's like leaving you keys in your car if nothing happen it's ok but if it gone it's the onewho stoleit their the guilty one.

You are really strong and I feel sooo bad for you

failures are the pillars of the success... be bold and deceive ur aims and show the world that i goota the ********** stamina to ***** all of u.

i don't know what to say right now,but if u need a friend am there,i would love to give advises, and for the mean time i want you to know this, life is full of depressions all we need to do is to get over it to see something good for us to forget our hurts.

Just try really hard to concentrate on your grades i know its hard, but you can do it :-)

I am so sorry that happened to you..... it's not ur fault honney.......u said no......He didn't care...I know how tough it is to say " no " when u r in a relation.......don't think about it too much ....get involve in some other good jobs that helps u to forget.....n of course conculting with a therapist is the perfect thing u have made........don't think so much about ur physical virginity......u r still pure .....god bless you

Yes i can relate to you. I'm 13 years old, and was hurt by 3 total strangers in a park 8 months ago, but i saw their faces. I saw the guy who hurt me the most a week ago, and he didn't recognize me i think, but then hi winked at me so im not sure. i really want his balls chopped off. he wasn't punished at all, and i totally HATE him.

I'm so sorry. It must have been so dramatic for you! Say the word, I will be over there kicking his ***!

Im so glad you stepped forward and told us. Im SO proud of your bravery in telling people when it happened! THEY are the losers, cowars,emotionless robots. people who dont like it when they have to lay there hearts on the table. the ffact that this PIG this NOBODY of a man is STILL ALIVE makes me want to PUKE. the fact that you have to SEE HIM EVERYDAY is disgusting and so WRONG on SO many different levels its not even funny. On those days when you feel like it is your fault, like you could have done more, let me tell you ths honey. just because you had drinks, just because he was over to your house, and you two were alone, just because you were ******* innocent to the fact that he wanted it no matter what, DOES NOT MKE IT YOUR FAULT. people make chioces, he chose to rape you.he chose to lie. your friends are not your friends.he chose to let his penis do the thinking nd not his head. and tho you think you should have screamed and faought, either way, he knew what he wanted thtat night and he was going to get it one way or anouther. Im here if you ever need to talk, if you need to cry or heal. im here. sometimes strangers know more bout you hen your family. {{{HUGZ}}} messsage me <3

hi hun.i know how hard it is to struggle after being raped.that is what i struggle with.i cant trust any male.including my own brother.<br />
its even harder when people dont believe you.especially from friends nd family.i have that problem with my family.<br />
im here if you ever wanna talk. xoxoxo