Date RapeI was so betrayed. Heartbroken, and I didn't even love him.
He came over while my parents were at work this summer. I told him before we started drinking: I am not having sex with you today.
He said: ok, ok. and sighed, rolling his eyes.
We went into my room. I was drunk. He said: let's play a game. truth or dare?
i said: truth
he told me: that's not how you play.
then my shirt was on the floor. I was a possession, an ob
And there was only one goal.
He told me I was beautiful, smart, funny. He said I wouldn't have any regrets, that I wasn't a *****. I kept telling him no. no. no.
Then he just got up an put on the condom.
We were both virgins.
He kept asking: does it hurt? does it hurt?
like he cared.
He made promises. Of relationships. Of attraction. But it was all lust. A horny teenage boy. He told me so many lies. And I just didn't say no strongly enough.
He told me later that he didn't want a relationship. I cried and cried and cried. Friends, who I thought would support me, melted into the floorboards and I was left to fend for myself.
They don't believe me. They don't believe that I said no.
He denies it. He lied before, why would he tell the truth now?
I go to school with him. I see him every ******* day. And he hasn't been punished. He hasn't been hurt like I have. I am a mistake. I am a regret.
Sometimes, depending on the day, I think it is my fault.
I invited him over. I drank. I didn't say no strongly enough. I was flirtatious. I led him on.
But then there are the days when I can't beleive they all don't believe me. my "friends". My mom. They blame me. Pointing fingers to avoid awkwardness and emotion.
I am stronger though. I was naive. I was so innocent. He stole those from me. Before, my greatest problem was about which boy liked me...now, now. I was raped. My whole life revolves around this one sentence. I try to not let it define me, but it's so so hard. My grades suffer because I can't concentrate, and none of them, none of them have any idea.
I'm seeing a therapist. A lot of my friends know...but they haven't been through it...they just don't understand. Does anyone relate to me? to this? Can anyone offer any help? advice?
SpecailK 16-18, F 16 Responses 11 Nov 9, 2007