Abused and Rejected

 I grew up in a household that was abusive physically and emotionally. Both of my parents were abusive. While I was growing up, my mother always clearly favored my brother who is older than me, telling me I was a mistake she should have aborted. My brother frequently violently attacked me. Whenever this would occur, I was told it was my fault for provoking him. My father was indifferent. The only attention I ever got from him was abusive. Coming from the background I came from, it is not surprising that I chose an abusive man to marry.

We had 3 children together. All with special needs. I tried to forgive my parents and have an adult relationship with them. Over the years, my mother and I developed a very close friendship. I loved her dearly and spoke to her everyday. When I finally got the courage to decide to leave my husband, I pursued nursing school so that I would have a way to support my children. I had planned to stay until I graduated, but during school I was diagnosed with MS. The  abuse got worse, maybe because of the stress of the diagnosis, or maybe because he had to step up as a parent, but I finally left him, during school, newly diagnosed with MS and with three children with special needs. I moved in with parents, thinking I would have the support I needed to be able to raise my children and cope with my disease.

Things initially were fine. After a few months, I took the children and temporarily moved back to where my school was so I could complete my last semester and graduate. I considered staying there and even entertained a job offer, but because of my disease and the needs of my children I had to move back home. But 1 week before moving back, I discovered my brother who had always been so abusive to me, his fiance, and their friend, had also moved into my parents house. I was very upset and did not want to move back but felt I had no choice. My brother makes 6 figures a year. It made no sense that he had moved back, but I knew I needed to be there, even though I went through all the emotions of his treatment of me and I wanted to leave, I knew I needed help and had no one else than my mother to help me.

3 months after being there, while I was sufferring from the effects of the MS, having trouble even getting through basic functioning in my day,  my brother decided that the renovations he was doing on the basement were mot going to work out and he wanted my apartment. He decided I had to leave. He offerred me a small amount of money to go. I thought my mother would be horrified that he would make me leave when I was in such a state. while she initially acted upset, she decided to support him. I had to go. He, who had money, and had no reason to be there, was to get what he wanted. By the way, he did not pay my parents rent and was mooching off of their meager income.

I made it clear to my mother that I was in no state to go. But still, she supported him. She and I had not had any problems that did not involve him for many years. She had talked to me everyday. Still, I was not worthy of her love if he was there. I had to go so he could have what he wanted. I even told my mother that it would be too painful for me to have a relationship with her if she did this. She would no longer see me, or her grandchildren again. Still, she supported my brother. I had to leave.

I am struggling with this. I have no idea what will happen to me and my children. I needed my mother and she rejected me. She would rather turn away from her daughter who is in no state to be on her own. Her grandchildren may end up in foster care and me in a homeless shelter and still she is kicking me out on the street.

I am outraged and hurt. It is such a deep painful hurt to be treated like this by my mother when I need her so badly. As a mother myself I do not understand how anyone could do this to their child. I am terrified for the future of my children.  I hope maybe through this support group I could find other women who could help me deal with this, because I honestly don't know how.

jen333 jen333
4 Responses Mar 14, 2009

I pray for you. I am mentally ill but relatively high functioning. It is hard for me to maintain an apartment on my own. My mother rejected me and left me homeless. Fortunately I had no kids. I can't imagine how awful it must be for you not knowing where you can live and care for your children. I will pray God sends you some help from unexpected sources. For me, I rented a cheap room and fell in love with the landlord. He has autism and is very accepting of my mental illness. I now live in his house and we just got married on December 16th. I know what it's like to not have any place to go.I prayed to God for a place to go and for just one person on earth to love me and He heard my prayers and sent me here to my husband. The Bible says when my mother and father forsake me than God will take me up. He has done that for me and I know He will do it for you if you ask Him. I am praying for you. hang in there.

Peace be upon you jen,<br />
<br />
My prayers are with you believe me. May God protect you, bless you. What your mother did is really disgusting, unbelievable to throw a kid, to throw on demand of an other kid, on top a male kid, and on top he doesn't need it while you are ill single parent with 3 kids. I CANNOT believe the world we are living in.<br />
Please I beg you rely on him alone: in my opinion your mother is no good for you, by simply seeing her you will get hurt deeply. It is healthier NOT to contact her right now. You need God, and your adorable babies: be a fanclub, love each other as you always did.<br />
My prayers are with you; please inform all of us how you're doing.<br />
<br />

I apparently suffered clinical depression from the age of 6. My mom too said she wished she had never had me. I am mixed race and my mother used to tell me that if she saw me in the street with her work colleagues she couldn't talk to me as they would think she was dirty. My parents were the most messed up parents ever and have forever damaged me, however luckily for me through the way I am I have forgiven them and love them very much because I see that to love is the best feeling in the world. I had it out with my parents whilst under the influence of pharmecuticals otherwise I would never have spoken up. I forgive them but i will never respect them as I am a mother of 5 and I have never done to my children what my parents did to me. Let it go and move on otherwise you will end up as bitter and twisted as they were.

I'm sorry to hear that. Your brother sounds like a real piece of work. <br />
<br />
My mother told me I should have been aborted, as well. This was after I listened to her complain about how her father, brothers and husband had been so awful to her. She complained about them for over ten years and I always listened. After I finally got tired of hearing about it, I told her that she needed professional help. I didnt mean it to be cruel, just that I couldnt help her. We had other arguments as well, and she ended up throwing the abortion thing at me.<br />
<br />
Less than a year later, she died unexpectedly of lung cancer. I was still the dutiful son and supported her the whole time. She never apologized, but I do think she was sorry. She never spoke to me that way again.<br />
<br />
Just know you arent alone.