Rejected From Love

                   I feel so low right now. Not only am I ashamed of this story but I was left alone in the end, just like always. Last Thursday I joined my friend, my mother and my new neighbor for drinks at a local bar. None of us had been there before so we thought it would be a fun little adventure. We started playing pool right away and I noticed a really handsome guy as soon as I walked in. He was staring at me as I walked past him so I just smiled and continued on my way. I went to the restroom with my friend and I told her how cute I thought the guy was. I told her that he is totally my type, Indian, a little geeky and adorable. I thought he was too old but she told me that she didn’t think he was. Soon enough he was sitting next to me at the bar. He started up a conversation and said that he would be my partner in pool if I needed one. I accepted and we played the next game together. I thought he was a med student or maybe even a young doctor but it turns out that he just recently got his PhD and he works for the school that I attend. We even have mutual friends in the research world. He did look extremely familiar so I figured that I probably saw him around campus somewhere. Anyways, we had a great time playing pool! He is really good and helped me to make some awesome shots. We were a great team. He seemed a tiny bit impressed by my beginner skills too. My mom and friend were ready to go pretty early so he got my number and I was on my way.
                    He messaged me just minutes later and said he was really glad to have met me. He was very sweet from the start. We talked on the phone for a bit and planned to hang out the next day. He really wanted to hang out that night but I knew I couldn’t because I had work early in the morning. He offered to cook me dinner the next night. I was slightly hesitant to go to his apartment right away but he seemed pretty innocent so I really wasn’t worried. He also gave me a 5am wake up call the next morning which was really cute. I loved hearing his voice first thing in the morning. So, I went to his apartment after work that night and we started off with wine and appetizers. He gave me a little tour and I asked tons of questions about everything. We just sat and talked and I really enjoyed his company. I was nervous of course but just looking at him made me feel at ease and comfortable.
                   So, we started watching a movie and one glass of wine led to about 5. We were sharing the same footstool and we randomly touched. It felt good and new. Then he took my hand and started reading my palm. He was telling me about my lifeline and children. It was very cute. I definitely didn’t expect that at all. He seemed to be a man of many surprises. So, before I knew it we were kissing. I was extremely intoxicated at this point so it gets a little blurry. All I know is that he decided to finish the movie in his room because it was more comfortable. Had I been sober I definitely wouldn’t have agreed to that but it seemed like a good idea at the time. So of course our clothes were off shortly after. He stopped and told me that he had never done this before. He had never even kissed a girl. It made me feel special in a way. He was very into all of it. He also told me that he has to get married in 6 months and basically it can’t be me because of his family. I didn’t care at all at the moment but when I thought about it the next day it was extremely saddening. I finally found a guy that amazed me and really seemed to be on the same page as me and then I find out that he practically has an arranged marriage and I just ruined everything by having sex with him the day after I met him.
                   I don’t know what I was thinking. All I know is that I woke up in his arms and it felt amazing. We spent all day in bed together just enjoying each other. He kissed my nose and told me he loved my hair and my lips and teeth, everything. He said he would never forget me and all of this other stuff. I didn’t think too much, I just enjoyed the moment. We finally got up around 2pm and he made lunch. Then I had to go to work. He said maybe we can hang out next week sometime and I agreed. I left really happy and basically infatuated with him. I have the tendency to ignore the bad and focus on the things I want in a guy and to me he was perfect. I am extremely busy with school and I know he is busy with his research so I didn’t expect to hear from him soon. I caved and messaged him Thursday night. He was pleasant and suggested we play pool the next day (tonight). I agreed because I was planning to go to training in the morning and have the night off.
                  I definitely slept through training so I had to message him and tell him that I work until 9:30 this evening. He said that it was ok and maybe we could hang out later. I didn’t understand so I asked him if he meant later tonight and he said no because he has to work early all weekend. I was really sad to hear that but I just said it was fine because I have a busy weekend too. I definitely do have a busy weekend. I shouldn’t hang out with anyone at all but I just really wanted to see him again. He said that night, “You can be mine for 6 months,” and believe me I want to.
                  Now I am here feeling rejected and saddened. I feel weak because I had sex with him. I didn’t say no, even when he told me about his future marriage plans. I feel weak for wanting him. I feel even worse that he doesn’t want to see me even though I have pretty much agreed to have sex with him for 6 months. What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t even be in this situation. I don’t know how I allowed myself to get here but I hate it. I hate doing this. I hate making myself feel terrible, yet I do.
FeistyRoadrunner FeistyRoadrunner
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 24, 2010

So sad that people continue to live in the past. Arranged marriages are stupid, how many soul mates have missed their connection because of this idiocy. Not that he was your soul mate, but you and he will never know.<br />
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i know how you feel i also have exsperianced a simulare situation only to find out that she was married.