My Grandson Is In Obvious Pain

I was asleep and normally I'd leave my cell phone off but I hadn't Saturday night and around 1030PM I get the notice beep that I've gotten a text message.  My body is not cooperating in getting up and I thought it might have been from my daughter who's in the service regarding her visit so I nodded back out.  At 12AM I was able to function and I got up to check on the message and it was not from my daughter in the Army but from my 14 year old grand son and the message states, "My mom always makes excuses and doesn't listen to me and sometimes I feel like I don't exist".   Getting a text message from him is in itself disturbing and getting it that time of night even more so but the message bothers me most of all.  My grandson is ALWAYS picked on by his dope addicted mother.  He gets blamed for things that are not his fault and he is failing at school.  When I was going over there regularly I was a kind of buffer and I was able to see how things were between him and his mother.  She jumps on him before she finds how who started an issue and when it turns out that it's not him she doesn't apologize for attacking him verbally and over the years it's obviously built up emotional problems in him.  He has reached out to me before for support and I give him as much as I can from a distance but this is so different than anything before.  His mother treats him as if she doesn't like him.  He is MY grandson and she can't stand that he would rather live with me than her.  Her jealousy is childish in addition to being hurtful to him because she takes it out on him.  This incident is right on the heels of my granddaughter who's 11 saying that she wants to live with me and didn't want to go home after her overnight stay last weekend.   Their mothers drug and alcohol addiction is forefront because they are older and can see.  Especially the 14 year old.  He wants out of that house and to live with me.  My response to his email is "I am sorry. I will try and get you for spring break".  I wanted to go over there in the morning to check on him but if I did that it would make it worse for him.  Once his mother sees that email she is going to go ballistic and cuss him out and belittle him and me and should I show up there it would be even more of a problem for him so I can't go as much as I want to to make sure that he is alright.  He has a history of threatening to run away and come to my home and has attempted to at least three times but she has gone after him and brought him back.  It's possible that he might try and make it to my house.  She wouldn't know if he's gone because her daily substance abuse makes her sleep like a rock and she wouldn't even know if the house was on fire!  I live so far away now but he'd try and get to my place I know.  When I first started posting on Experience Project I was going through hell with my adult children and although I still go through it with them now my postings are mostly about my grand children and their drug head mother.  The tides seem to have changed.  I am not as involved with my children as I have learned my lesson and I pretty much stay away from them but my grand babies are reaching out for me more than they ever have and I want to be there for them.  Should my grandson actually run away to get here I would have to call the police or I'd be charged with harboring a run away and when they go to his mother's house they will see the filthy conditions those kids live in and that she is on illegal drugs and that will open up a whole new can of worms.  They would be taken and I know that they will ask to come live with me.  Spring break is a week away and hopefully I have given my grandson something to look forward to to help him deal with the trouble he's having.  I have never been an illegal drug user or the child of a drug addict so I am a fish out of water in regards to how to help my grandchildren.  Their mother has been in rehab three times but always goes right back to using once she gets cleared.  My grandson has expressed an interest in joining the Army and he gets support for that from me and only me.  His mother failed in her life and she doesn't have any encouragement for her children to do better.  I always told my kids not to do AS I did but do BETTER than me and only one of them listened and has a good life as a soldier.  I had the drug addicted daughter signed up to enlist without even realizing that she WAS using illegal drugs.  I didn't find out that she was doing that until her Aunt, whom she was living with, had told me.  That woman who declares herself a Christian actually not only let my daughter use the drugs in her house, she GAVE my daughter the money to BUY the drugs!!!!  But the drug usage explains why she didn't want to take the enlistment exam and drug tests.  I was SO naive!!!  Once again I am not the cause of a stressful situation or problem coming up that effects me.  It's my daughter who's the trouble as usual and it's comes to me to "fix" what's going on.  This is why I had intended on leaving this area without so much as a backwards glance and never having contact with any of them again.  That is not the way it's supposed to be obviously cause here I am worrying about my grandchildren stressing on how to help them out of a crummy, undeserved, unfair, damaging situation.  Realistically it'll take me winning a substantial amount of money to get them out of that situation.  I can't earn it as I am disabled and on a fixed income and couldn't work to support myself let alone three children.  I don't play lottery games.  I was told I should have faith that everything I need will get taken care of and I shouldn't gamble to get it and also asking for someone else isn't supposed to be asking for yourself so I don't ask.  I dream, but I don't ask.  I believe it'll work out and meanwhile I do what I can to make it better for my grandbabies.   They know that their grandma loves them and that I will always be in their corner and they can count on me.    

Comprehensive2 Comprehensive2
31-35
5 Responses Mar 22, 2009

I would talk to a lawyer and see how would be the best way to handle the situation. Those children have to be removed from that situation weather by you or a state agency. If you can not afford to take them or can't handle the stress of it all.Then in MY opinion I think they would be better off in a foster home. Chances are that almost anything would be better then where they are now.<br />
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Their mother is not nurturing them to be good people with any self esteem. Those kids are going to grow up thinking that they are not worthy of being treated decently by anyone. With attitudes like that they are bound to end up in trouble, weather by choice or as a result of their circumstances. If you just wait and hope things will get better, you are in some way setting them up to fail in life. I am not saying that to be mean or point a finger, although it may sound like that. These children are reaching out to you for help, because they do not know where else to turn.<br />
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The school has to know something is not right at home. Have you encouraged them to go to a school counselor? Or to talk to a teacher that they trust? Maybe that way they can get help without you personally getting involved without being contacted by a state service first. Meaning you would not be taking the 1st action, therefore you could not rationally be blamed by their Mother for starting something.<br />
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My heart goes out to you and the children. I hope that God intervenes in some positive way very soon. I will pray for you, the children and their Mother. She is wrong and not doing right by herself or her children, but we all are just people. Many times we make really bad choices that have a huge impact on others without conscious thought.

Maybe it's in their best interest if they entered into a foster home. You would still have legal rights to see them and a panel would judge whether their mother is a fit parent or not. It sounds like anything would be better then what they are going through. :(

I feel for you, so much.<br />
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I have two baby brothers, they are my dad and his gf's children. When they were born, they were addicted to crack because she did crack while pregnant with them. She took care of them poorly and filled them up with benedryl and tylenol to make them sleep on her schedule.<br />
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I would take them, as often as I could, because I knew they were safe with me. They were being fed, cleaned and played with. But I was still in high school, so I couldn't keep them longer than a few days. I couldn't even trust my dad to ensure the wellbeing of his own sons because he is a truck driver, and was always on the road, but when he was home he did crack too!<br />
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Everytime I had to drop my helpless baby brothers off I cried. It was heartbreaking. I would lay in bed every night and think about what they were doing, were they hungry? Crying? Dirty? Being abused??<br />
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After I graduated the mother relinquished the boys over to me, and the three month old baby girl to my aunt. Well, a couple weeks later, she threatened to come take the babies and run off to Costa Rica. Well, I couldn't tell her she couldn't take her babies because we didn't have custody.<br />
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So my dad instructed my aunt to call social services and get them involved. I don't know the rules for your state, but in my state, it was soo hard. They almost made it impossible.<br />
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They come in and do a homestudy, they check to see if your home and mental and physical health are up to caring for the children. If you pass, you can keep the kids. For awhile. Then they do this thing, if the parents don't sign certain papers giving up custodial rights, then social services will take the children out of your home! Now, why in the world would they take kids from a home with family members who love and are willing to take care of them?? I don't know.<br />
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If the parents were to sign over the kids, then social services would come back to your home and do a really in depth homestudy on you. Luckily, my aunt and uncle decided to take over with the children for me, so that I could live my life.<br />
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They got my dad and his gf to sign over custody, they went through the difficult homestudy (and random unexpected visits from the social worker for months and months) and eventally they adopted my brothers and baby sister.<br />
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The reason I tell you this story is, there is something you can do to get them out, but it can be a very trying process that most people can't afford or handle. I feel really bad for those children. No children deserve that!

what ever happened to child well fare? In my state if the parent is unfit to take care of the kids, Family services is often called in to make sure the kids are safe. And there have been some pretty stupid parents in my state but also from the department making mistakes too. So try that out if you truly believe your g kids are in need. You could even just call and inquire about the issues.

Yes and agreed totally.<br />
Looks like a pain of a new tide...<br />
Is that the probelem of responsibilty or so called right......<br />
God love us and show us loves.......<br />
Is that TRUE that the world be controlled by evil?????<br />
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I am wondering and want the answer.............