I Was Nine Years Old...

I was nine years old when it happened. We were alone in the guest room where he was staying. He was my Mamma's cousin and I think he was in his late teens or early twenties at the time. He started a strange conversation with me, and the details of what it entailed I cannot for the life of me, remember now. What I do remember though and twenty-seven years later I still can't forget, is how he stuck his nasty tongue in my mouth. I pulled away after it happened. At nine years old, I knew that someone wasn't right about what was happening. I was smart enough to get away...
But that night, ( or it could have been the night after) while I was asleep, he came into my room. What I recall is waking up in the middle of the night after feeling a body on top of me and a hand reaching under my nightgown. I jumped out of my sleep and I startled him. He ran to my bedroom window, pretending as though he had heard a burglar and was there to check on whether or not I was ok. Thank God, he left and in my panic, I ran to the next room where our housekeeper was asleep. I know she found it strange that I would do that because it's something I had never done before but she let sleep next to her till morning. My parents woke up at 6 am religiously every single morning. My intentions were to be at their door promptly at 6 am and I was, but I lost my nerve that morning. I was so ashamed and something inside me made me scared that they would never believe my word over his. I had kept the nasty tongue thing a secret so that made me feel dirty and guilty. Our housekeeper, her name was Annette, gave him dirty looks the next day, and everyday after until our nasty houseguest left. She suspected something, I know she did, but she never questioned me about when I slept with her that night. Six years later, when I was fifteen years old, I confessed what happened to my mamma one night while she was relaxing on our front patio. She listened to everything I had to say, but never responded. Months, or it could have been years later, he called our house. He had migrated to Canada and my mamma answered the phone. After chatting with him, she gave me the phone and told me to say hello, and I did, as if nothing had ever happened...
Twenty-seven years later, I am now thirty-six years old and my life is a wreck because of what this man did to me...I am praying that sharing my story with all of you will be the beginning of my healing.
healmyheart36 healmyheart36
36-40, F
May 6, 2012