My Father Told Me It Was My Fault

We were staying with relatives I was the youngest just 10 years old at the time.My two cousins aged 11 and 14 along with my older brother 12 and I had to share a double bed. The oldest pinned me down while the others ******** me then one by one they each ******** off and started rubbing them selves against me.My 11 yr old cousin pushed his erection against my lips and although I struggled he forced it into my mouth. the others thought this funny and one after the other did the same. The older cousin thrust in and out of my mouth until he came in it I thought I was going to be sick but they hadnot finished with me yet as my brother raped me and they tied me to the bed to stop me running and telling
In the morning I told my Dad but he called me a liar then said that I must of wanted it to happen and imagined it.
six weeks later the younger cousin came to stay at our house and once again with help from my brother forced me to have oral sex on the first night. Again I told my dad who told me I must be a queer as queers only do that sort of thing with other queers and if my cousins were queer I should make the most of it while he was with us.He ignored my brothers part in it but my brother never touched me again.Yet by the time my cousins visit was over I was quite willing to accept that I was a queer.The result of this is still with me today and always will be though I have spent much of my life in trying to hide behind a facade of normality.Though I have succumbed to my attraction to boys in the age group I was at the time and spent time in prison as a result.Now I recognise the harm I have done and havenot offended for thirty or more years I still have to live with what I was made to believe I was.
61-65, M
Dec 8, 2012