I've Called Off My Marriage

I was in a relationship for 5 yrs and was to be married this year end dec 2012. But some how I felt I cudnt go through it and decided to call off the wedding.
Being in relationship we used to have terrible fights when he used to come close to me. Being an Indian girl, a bit traditional never believed in sex before marriage. Anyways as the date started coming closer I realised the problem was with me. I used to get angry on him when he tried to come close n kiss which is natural for a guy to do being in 5 year courtship I believe.
I started seeing a psychiatrist. And that is the time I realised that all this was happening due to me being abused in childhood.
From class 4 to class 7, a girl senior to me abused me everyday while in school. She made me do such things that even now it brings tears to my eyes. Y did that woman do that and what had I done to go through this. I curse that woman never bears a child. Never ever.

She has destroyed my childhood. My present and my future. My ex-boyfriend has moved on. My parents now have started looking out for alliance for me. But now I realise that I have to work n myself before getting in this institution of marriage. I realise that i will not let any guy come closer to me. It's really so horrible. Making me go nude and drink her urine. She used to make me do that. Touch me at places. I went through that for 4 years. That ***** will die will a horrendous disease is what I ask god for.

Now I feel so lonely.. Just don't understand where to start. I'm 30 now. I definitely want to be married and have kids of my own. But its only when I let go of my past. When that will happen I really don't know :(.

Ghost Protocol
Ghostprotocol4 Ghostprotocol4
26-30, F
Dec 8, 2012