Why Did He Hurt Me?

I can remember the first time I was sexually abused by my stepfather, I was 5 and we were upstairs watching TV, he said," Why don't you go put on your gown and get ready for bed.".. then I go blank. I do know the abuse lasted for around 10 years.
I still have flashbacks that will knock me dead on my butt, I am having anxiety attacks. I lost my Mother in 2011, I remember the day I told her that I was abused as a child by "Him", and she acted as if she didn't believe me. She confronted him and guess what his answer was.."I'm sorry, I was on drugs.. can we go to church to make it right?"..
Now I am almost 39 years old and its as if I am dealing with this for the first time.. My relationship with my BF is suffering, I'm suffering and I just don't know what to do...
butterflylover74 butterflylover74
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 15, 2013

He hurt you because he was dirty and damaged.... You are not.

Why? because he wanted to and had the opportunity.
...It doesn't make sense to us because we care about other people...sexual abusers don't.
Therapy comes highly recommended by yours truly; but you need to find someone familiar with treating sexual trauma.